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| Title: to divorce or not to divorce - that is the question | |
| Revival_Centres_Discussion_Forums > Bible, Beliefs, Scriptures and 'The Word' > The Christian room - For Christians about Christianity | Go to subcategory： |
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Anonymous
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Date Posted：16/05/2007 10:02 PMCopy HTML $%*'`[anon]%*'`@I was married in the church......my spouse was a very selfish person......when i left the church my marriage got even worse-because i was a so called back slider and my spouse treated me as a horrible back slider.....I separated from my spouse over 12 months ago and i feel that i do not want any ties with my spouse anymore.................IN THE NEW TESTAMENT WE ARE SAVED BY GRACE AND NOT BY LAWIfeel that I should not still be bound to my spouse by law if the Lord has promised that I am saved by graceDoes anyone else feel the same about this?
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MothandRust
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#1
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Re：to divorce or not to divorce - that is the question Date Posted：16/05/2007 11:33 PMCopy HTML Reply to : anon [Anonymous]
Sometimes marriages just simply don't work out. That's the sad reality, and if there's anything that can be learned from the New TEstament sequel to the old testament is that Grace is a good thing and that condemnation, and guilt, and regret, and Laws suck. As much as we'd like to hold onto the ideals that the marriage is a lifelong binding contract, life just simply doesn't work that way. We ain't perfect, we are fickle and sometimes we change and grow contemptuous of our partners to such a selfish state that it's abuse to stay together. Marriage spit ups can be bad for the kids, but continuing in a loveless spitefull relationship built on routine, depencancy and contractual law doesn't a healthy child make either. Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete
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Anonymous
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#2
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Re：to divorce or not to divorce - that is the question Date Posted：19/05/2007 8:32 PMCopy HTML $%*'`[anonymous]%*'`@
thanks for your reply. it is as clear and straight forward as you mentioned. There is no need to prolong something that is not going to work , especially if it affects the children.
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MothandRust
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#3
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Re：to divorce or not to divorce - that is the question Date Posted：19/05/2007 8:56 PMCopy HTML
It can be sad, real sad, and life can be pain... a lot of pain... "Life is pain! Anyone who says different is trying to sell you something" - Wesley (The Princess Bride) Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete
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Ex_Member
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#4
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Re：to divorce or not to divorce - that is the question Date Posted：24/06/2008 10:56 AMCopy HTML Anon,
I was in the same boat. I divorced. Child is happy. I am happy. And moving right along..... For a marriage to work, both partners need to be on the same page. The old testament does have divorce under certain conditions also. Perhapd the Lord already knows that not everyone is a perfect match? No condemnation. |
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mulligrubs
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#5
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Re：to divorce or not to divorce - that is the question Date Posted：03/07/2008 3:42 AMCopy HTML Didn't God divorce Israel?
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Didaktikon
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#6
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Re：to divorce or not to divorce - that is the question Date Posted：05/07/2008 1:28 AMCopy HTML Hi, there. I was married in the church......my spouse was a very selfish person......when i left the church my marriage got even worse-because i was a so called back slider and my spouse treated me as a horrible back slider.....I separated from my spouse over 12 months ago and i feel that i do not want any ties with my spouse anymore................. Okay. IN THE NEW TESTAMENT WE ARE SAVED BY GRACE AND NOT BY LAW Ifeel that I should not still be bound to my spouse by law if the Lord has promised that I am saved by grace Does anyone else feel the same about this? Nope. The issue of forensic justification ("saved by grace") has nothing whatsoever to do with your decision to leave your wife, or with respect to your current circumstances. I suppose I can take it that you consider (or considered) yourself to be a Christian when you were married? And your wife felt the same? If such was the case, then from a strictly biblical/Christian perspective, unless one or the other party was unfaithful, you have no grounds for divorce. These are the biblical facts: I'm sure you can check the various scriptural verses for yourself. Blessings, Ian email: didaktikon@gmail.com
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Didaktikon
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#7
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Re：to divorce or not to divorce - that is the question Date Posted：05/07/2008 3:03 AMCopy HTML Hi, Ralph. A very touchy topic. Yes, especially when some people attempt to force Scripture to fit their ideas on the subject, likely as not for no other reason than to justify their actions so as to appease their wounded consciences. I divorced my first wife on the "assumption" that adultery had been committed. But reflecting on the situation at the time, the marriage had already broken down to be irreconcilable, due to my actions toward her in line with Revivalist mindset. Believing in my mind I was free, from a Christian view point, I married to another and that brought the damnation upon me, according to Noel Hollins, as there was no real material evidence to prove otherwise. Well, given what you've just shared, it does present that the lion's share of the blame for the situation does rest with you. Now this begs the question, when one does divorce, if there are no grounds for such, what is the nett result? The unforgiveness doctrine of certain RCI and GRC, a "certain fearfull of judgment" or Grace ? Funny how you said 'when' rather than 'if' with respect to divorce. Anyway, the 'net' result can be readily found in the teachings of Jesus, contained within the gospels. The upshot of the matter; however, is this: any divorce that results from other than the very few conditions Jesus allows, has serious implications for the people concerned. If I may digress for a moment, the Jews of Jesus' day believed that a man could marry no more than (if my recollection of the appropriate passage in the Talmud is correct) three times. In effect, they attempted to be "serial monogamists"! Quite a few Christians today attempt to follow the same 'slippery' path, often throwing around "grace" language as if it makes everything okay (or, perhaps, better). What probably needs to be questioned when this sort of behaviour occurs is the motivation behind doing so. Jesus was, after all, quite 'strict' on this particular issue; yet many modern Christians seem frantically intent on searching out the "loop-holes". I'm not so sure. The issue, as I see it, is more a case of disobedience versus obedience. Biblically, there will always be implications when disobedience occurs, especially with respect to wilful disobedience. However, God is gracious, so whatever penalties apply will be off-set to a certain degree. Divorce, however, we should remember, remains one of the very few things that God specifically said he hates. And it almost seems to be the case that people divorce nowadays because they believe their personal 'happiness' is the ultimate issue at stake. The ironic thing is that, from a Christian perspective anyway, Scripture clearly states that covenant faithfulness is what truly counts in the matter. Also, the question, is the situation of the person that committed fornication with his fathers wife any less a sin than mine? How's that, Ralph? Are you attempting to rank your actions against his? Blessings, Ian email: didaktikon@gmail.com
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Didaktikon
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#8
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Re：to divorce or not to divorce - that is the question Date Posted：05/07/2008 5:43 AMCopy HTML Hi, Ralph. Thanks for your response. You're welcome. No, not at all. I guess I was applying the situation to the idea that whilst I wasn't married, it was ok to play around as there was a chance, after a time elapsed that all would be forgiven because I repented and wasn't actually married. Ahem. I'm sure you appreciate that, as a Christian, it's never okay to "play around", whether married or not. Your comment does remind me; however, that there is a rather peculiar aspect to the various Revivalist groups that I've noticed over the years: the rather high incidence of sexual immorality or otherwise morally questionable behaviour that takes place in these groups when compared to other Christian groups. And the attitude that you expressed, above, seems to be at the core of the issue: "it'll be okay because I can repent about it later and all will be forgiven." This warped belief smacks of two things. First, the inference that Christian regeneration (aka "salvation") had likely not taken place in the lives of the people who thought this way. And second, that grace itself was viewed as being a rather "cheap" commodity. Neither option bodes well for the people concerned, I hope you'll agree. My situation wasn't quite like that, but because I did marry again that made all the difference as far as Hollin's was concerned. Okay. Look, people can make a lot of mistakes in their life, and I never have tried to justify my actions, I only wish that I could have seen the implications at the time, but the past is the past and I can't change that and one now can only believe as long as one does not continue in those things and move on and draw from that experience, no one else can get hurt. 'Tis indeed a pity that in spite of the fact that you had ready access to God's Word (the Bible) at the time, you either neglected to read Jesus' teaching on the subject, or if you did read it, you somehow didn't grasp it. But, as you said, that all took place in the past. Better to learn from the mistakes of the past, having first repented of them, and move forward more circumspectly into the future. I guess this demonstrates that it's vital to have a good working knowledge of biblical teaching to avoid problems such as these in the first place, huh? Blessings, Ian email: didaktikon@gmail.com
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Didaktikon
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#9
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Re：to divorce or not to divorce - that is the question Date Posted：06/07/2008 5:55 AMCopy HTML Hi, Epi. So, why are there so many broken marriages, divorces and remarriages in christian circles? Quite possibly because (Western) Christians are just as selfish, self-absorbed and "me!Me!Me!" in their focus as are their non-Christian counterparts. Revival groups have a particularly high rate of broken marriages, divorce and remarriage (sometimes divorce and remarriage again). Okay. Matthew 5:31 sets God's standard, marriage for life, dissoluble only by death. Jesus gives an exception, infidelity, as a reason where divorce is permitted. In Romans 7 Paul restates this. Sure. The Catholic Church, always strong on marriage as being sacred and to be preserved, does admit that there are extenuating circumstances invalidating a marriage contract. A forced marriage without the full consent of one or both parties, where the marriage has ended, could be grounds for church annulment allowing a person to remarry in the Catholic Church. Legal divorce proceedings would of course have to apply. Church annulments are involved and sometimes hard to prove. It is probably open to abuse in some cases. The Catholic stand, though, has been to persevere through the difficulties with help available from trained counsellors (within the Church or outside if desired) They, and many other churches, offer "Marriage Encounter" weekends to strengthen marriages. Yep. The RC's take the marriage vow very seriously! Marital difficulties can be worked through. I can recall one couple, the husband having a drinking problem for which he never sought treatment, who persevered with help from their church. Until his death they had a bond of love, affection and understanding. During our early "walk" in Revival we "witnessed" to the wife. Had she left her own church and followed us into Revival, and had he not availed himself of the "opportunity" to be saved, I'm sure the marriage would never have survived. Marriage difficulties certainly can be worked through. Often-as-not; however, one or both parties simply want "out", possibly because they don't feel their "needs" are being met. The words from scripture should be given more serious consideration when christians face difficulties and want to call it quits. You'd think this would be obviously the case for Christians, wouldn't you? Sadly, though, it frequently isn't. Wise words, girl. Blessings, Ian email: didaktikon@gmail.com
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