stuff and nonsense

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Title: stuff and nonsense

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From：Unknown

Register：21/09/2018 12:36 AM

Date Posted：30/03/2007 8:27 PMCopy HTML

some may have seen these-----One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."So he tied her up and went golfing.**************************************************A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."**************************************************Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.**************************************************A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'"Can you read this?" the optician asked."Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."**************************************************Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.""Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."**************************************************A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen."Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."***************************************************

Uncoolman Share to: #1

Rank：Poster Venti III

Score：10710

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From：Unknown

Register：05/04/2003 2:38 PM

Re：stuff and nonsense

Date Posted：30/03/2007 8:27 PMCopy HTML

some may have seen these

----- One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.

**************************************************

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."

**************************************************

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

**************************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

**************************************************
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,

"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

**************************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

***************************************************

MothandRust Share to: #2

Rank：Forum Oracle

Score：41550

Posts：1881

From：Australia

Register：27/02/2004 11:21 PM

Re：stuff and nonsense

Date Posted：30/03/2007 9:01 PMCopy HTML

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete

old holborn Share to: #3

Rank：Regular Member

Score：4430

Posts：217

From：Unknown

Register：27/11/2005 8:22 PM

Re：stuff and nonsense

Date Posted：31/03/2007 12:00 AMCopy HTML

Reply to : earth5

some may have seen these-----One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."So he tied her up and went golfing.

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi, all friends from schooldays used to get together two or three times a week for coffeeand to talk shop.

One day someone made the comment that preaching to people is'nt realy all that hard. A real chalenge wuold be to preach to something like a grizzly bear.One thing lead to another and they decided to experiment. They would go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it ,

Seven days later they 're all together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flahety, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages goes first. "Well " he says "I went into the woodsto find me a bear, and when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well that bear wanted nothing to do with me, and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed the holy water, sprinkled him, and Holy Mary mother of God he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishops coming next week to give him first communion and confirmation.

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in plaster casts. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed "WELL brothers, you KNOW we dont sprinkle,! I went out and found me a BEAR,. And then I began to read to him from Gods HOLY WORD ! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me, so I took HOLD of himand we began to wrestle, UP one hill and Down another untill we came to a creek. So I quickly dunked himand BAPTISED his hairy soul. And just as you said, he became as gentle as alamb, and we spent the rest of the day praising the LORD.

They both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast, and traction, with IVs and on a monitor. He was in a bad shape.

Looking up the Rabbi said " I guess , looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start"

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord "

Uncoolman Share to: #4

Rank：Poster Venti III

Score：10710

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From：Unknown

Register：05/04/2003 2:38 PM

Re：stuff and nonsense

Date Posted：11/05/2012 9:27 AMCopy HTML

I agree I think Hair is just great you cant stop smiling when you see it and west side story is wodrneful!!! =] But I am not the biggest fan of guys and doll it just after the revial of the show with Nathen Lane they should of kinda stopped there.Again thanks for posting this great video!!

Uncoolman Share to: #5

Rank：Poster Venti III

Score：10710

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From：Unknown

Register：05/04/2003 2:38 PM

Re：stuff and nonsense

Date Posted：15/05/2012 12:19 AMCopy HTML

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Title: stuff and nonsense
Revival_Centres_Discussion_Forums > The Back Room - Come in for SUPPER > The Funny Pages - Jokes, Games, Weirdities, and oddities	Go to subcategory：

Ex_Member
Rank： Score：0 Posts：0 From：Unknown Register：21/09/2018 12:36 AM	Date Posted：30/03/2007 8:27 PMCopy HTML some may have seen these-----One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."So he tied her up and went golfing.************************************************A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."**********************************************Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.**********************************************A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'"Can you read this?" the optician asked."Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."**********************************************Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.""Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."**********************************************A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen."Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."*************************************************
Uncoolman	Share to: #1
Rank：Poster Venti III Score：10710 Posts：345 From：Unknown Register：05/04/2003 2:38 PM	Re：stuff and nonsense Date Posted：30/03/2007 8:27 PMCopy HTML some may have seen these ----- One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing. ************************************************ A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out." ********************************************** Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband. ********************************************** A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." ********************************************** Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay." ********************************************** A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving." *************************************************
MothandRust	Share to: #2
Rank：Forum Oracle Score：41550 Posts：1881 From：Australia Register：27/02/2004 11:21 PM	Re：stuff and nonsense Date Posted：30/03/2007 9:01 PMCopy HTML The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete
old holborn	Share to: #3
Rank：Regular Member Score：4430 Posts：217 From：Unknown Register：27/11/2005 8:22 PM	Re：stuff and nonsense Date Posted：31/03/2007 12:00 AMCopy HTML Reply to : earth5 some may have seen these-----One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."So he tied her up and went golfing. A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi, all friends from schooldays used to get together two or three times a week for coffeeand to talk shop. One day someone made the comment that preaching to people is'nt realy all that hard. A real chalenge wuold be to preach to something like a grizzly bear.One thing lead to another and they decided to experiment. They would go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it , Seven days later they 're all together to discuss their experiences. Father Flahety, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages goes first. "Well " he says "I went into the woodsto find me a bear, and when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well that bear wanted nothing to do with me, and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed the holy water, sprinkled him, and Holy Mary mother of God he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishops coming next week to give him first communion and confirmation. Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in plaster casts. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed "WELL brothers, you KNOW we dont sprinkle,! I went out and found me a BEAR,. And then I began to read to him from Gods HOLY WORD ! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me, so I took HOLD of himand we began to wrestle, UP one hill and Down another untill we came to a creek. So I quickly dunked himand BAPTISED his hairy soul. And just as you said, he became as gentle as alamb, and we spent the rest of the day praising the LORD. They both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast, and traction, with IVs and on a monitor. He was in a bad shape. Looking up the Rabbi said " I guess , looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start" "But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord "
Uncoolman	Share to: #4
Rank：Poster Venti III Score：10710 Posts：345 From：Unknown Register：05/04/2003 2:38 PM	Re：stuff and nonsense Date Posted：11/05/2012 9:27 AMCopy HTML I agree I think Hair is just great you cant stop smiling when you see it and west side story is wodrneful!!! =] But I am not the biggest fan of guys and doll it just after the revial of the show with Nathen Lane they should of kinda stopped there.Again thanks for posting this great video!!
Uncoolman	Share to: #5
Rank：Poster Venti III Score：10710 Posts：345 From：Unknown Register：05/04/2003 2:38 PM	Re：stuff and nonsense Date Posted：15/05/2012 12:19 AMCopy HTML 4Culcd , [url=http://kkeibkuegwus.com/]kkeibkuegwus[/url], [link=http://szqwccnkygft.com/]szqwccnkygft[/link], http://enoqnhohyqwb.com/