Time For Some Humour ?

Title: Time For Some Humour ?
Revival_Centres_Discussion_Forums > The Back Room - Come in for SUPPER > The Funny Pages - Jokes, Games, Weirdities, and oddities	Go to subcategory：

Author	Content

Rank：Poster Grande I
Score：12090
Posts：570
From：Australia
Register：22/07/2005 8:58 PM

Date Posted：07/03/2006 5:02 PMCopy HTML

The nearer the Church, the further from God . a sermon from Lancelot Andrewes ..........................An apology for the Devil : it must be remembered that we have heard only one side of the case . God has written all the books .Samuel Butlerthere is more if you want.

" Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others" Come-On ! always tell the truth motmot

Rank：Posterior Maximus
Score：15160
Posts：701
From：Faroe_islands
Register：07/04/2006 8:57 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：20/06/2006 7:20 PMCopy HTML

 
A Little Bit  Of Patriotism For You All.
In the beginning God created day and night.
He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and BBQ'S
He created night for going prawning, sleeping and BBQ'S and God saw that it was good.
On the Second Day, God created water- for surfing, swimming and BBQ'S on the beach and God saw that it was good.
On the Third Day, God created the Earth to bring forth plants to provide malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQ'S and God saw that it was good.
On the Fourth Day, God created animals and crustaceans for chops, sausages, steak and prawns for BBQ'S and God saw that it was good.
On the Fifth Day, God created a Bloke- to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ'S and God saw that it was good.
On the Sixth Day, God saw the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the Barbie with. So God created Mates and God saw that it was good.
On the Seventh Day, God looked around at the twinkling Barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God saw that it was good.... well.... almost good.
He saw the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
So God created Sheilas-- to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie and then God saw that it was not just good.
It was better than that, it was Bloody Awesome.
IT WAS AUSTRALIA!!! 

"Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."

Rank：
Score：0
Posts：0
From：Unknown
Register：06/04/2001 10:54 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：21/06/2006 1:17 PMCopy HTML

Reply to : Glad-to be out 

A Little Bit Of Patriotism For You All.In the beginning God created day and night.He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and BBQ'SHe created night for going prawning, sleeping and BBQ'S and God saw that it was good.On the Second Day, God created water- for surfing, swimming and BBQ'S on the beach and God saw that it was good.On the Third Day, God created the Earth to bring forth plants to provide malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQ'S and God saw that it was good.On the Fourth Day, God created 

That really made me laugh!!!

Rank：Poster Grande I
Score：12090
Posts：570
From：Australia
Register：22/07/2005 8:58 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：22/06/2006 7:09 AMCopy HTML

Thanks Glad,     we need some  up-lifting at times and a rye smile, again  you hit the spot ! 
Cheers.
 

" Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others" Come-On ! always tell the truth motmot

Rank：Posterior Maximus
Score：15160
Posts：701
From：Faroe_islands
Register：07/04/2006 8:57 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：04/07/2006 8:05 PMCopy HTML

A man and his wife were having an arguement as to who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first and then we don't have to wait so long to have our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it because that is your job. I can wait for my coffee."
The wife replies, "No, you should do it and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should make the coffee!"
The husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me!!"
So she fetched the Bible and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages that it indeed says.......HEBREWS

"Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."

Rank：Posterior Maximus
Score：15160
Posts：701
From：Faroe_islands
Register：07/04/2006 8:57 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：04/07/2006 8:06 PMCopy HTML

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
 
 

"Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."

Rank：Poster Grande I
Score：12090
Posts：570
From：Australia
Register：22/07/2005 8:58 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：04/07/2006 8:33 PMCopy HTML

To Glad To Be Out,
Sorry to cross you Glad,   but  in my house , I always have the last say   ....  " yes dear ! "

" Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others" Come-On ! always tell the truth motmot

Rank：
Score：0
Posts：0
From：Unknown
Register：21/08/2005 6:47 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：05/07/2006 11:43 AMCopy HTML

Reply to : Glad-to be out 


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.  

God saw Adam was without a companion, and he said "Adam, it is not good for you to be alone. I want to give you someone who is beautiful, kind, a wonderful listener, a great obeyer, and very submissive. She will be wonderful! But it'll cost you an arm and a leg."
Adam thought about this, then answered, "Hmmm, what can I get for a rib?" 
LOL.LOL.LOL.LOL !! 

A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall. Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"

Rank：Posterior Maximus
Score：15160
Posts：701
From：Faroe_islands
Register：07/04/2006 8:57 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：05/07/2006 1:54 PMCopy HTML

Reply to : Revival Baked          LOL!!!!!   I really like your joke, ROFL!!!!!!!!!! but being female, I prefer mine. 
Cheers,
Gladdy  


Reply to : Glad-to be outGod may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.God saw Adam was without a companion, and he said "Adam, it is not good for you to be alone. I want to give you someone who is beautiful, kind, a wonderful listener, a great obeyer, and very submissive. She will be wonderful! But it'll cost you an arm and a leg."Adam thought about this, then answered, "Hmmm, what can I get for a rib?"LOL.LOL.LOL.LOL!! 

"Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."

Rank：
Score：0
Posts：0
From：Unknown
Register：21/08/2005 6:47 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：05/07/2006 7:50 PMCopy HTML

Reply to : Glad-to be out 

Reply to : Revival BakedLOL!!!!! I really like your joke, ROFL!!!!!!!!!!but being female, I prefer mine. 

How Women Evolved
 
....... he he he I was hopeing you would hit me back with a another Adam joke. lol

A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall. Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"

Rank：Posterior Maximus
Score：15160
Posts：701
From：Faroe_islands
Register：07/04/2006 8:57 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：05/07/2006 10:04 PMCopy HTML

Reply to : Revival Baked    Don't have any at the moment, but as soon as I do, you will be the first to know!!!!!!!
Love the Evolution of Women, I think that is how the GRC would like us all to be.
Cheers,
Glad

Reply to : Glad-to be outReply to : Revival BakedLOL!!!!! I really like your joke, ROFL!!!!!!!!!!but being female, I prefer mine.How Women Evolved 

"Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."

Rank：
Score：0
Posts：0
From：Unknown
Register：21/08/2005 6:47 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：06/07/2006 3:52 PMCopy HTML

Reply to : Glad-to be out 

Reply to : Revival Baked Don't have any at the moment, but as soon as I do, you will be the first to know!!!!!!!Love the Evolution of Women, I think that is how the GRC would like us all to be.Cheers,GladReply to : Glad-to be outReply to : Revival BakedLOL!!!!! I really like your joke, ROFL!!!!!!!!!!but being female, I prefer mine.How Women Evolved 

Did you hear about the man who lost is left harm and left leg in a car crash?
 
Is all "right" now.

A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall. Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"

Rank：
Score：0
Posts：0
From：Unknown
Register：21/08/2005 6:47 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：06/07/2006 3:55 PMCopy HTML

Reply to : Glad-to be out 

Love the Evolution of Women, I think that is how the GRC would like us all to be. 

How about  a chart of EVOLUTION on how women become to wear jeans in the GRC!  LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall. Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"

Rank：Poster Grande I
Score：12090
Posts：570
From：Australia
Register：22/07/2005 8:58 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：08/08/2006 8:51 PMCopy HTML

Sh*t Religions
*********
Taoism - Sh*t Happens !
 
Confucianism - Confucius say , " Sh*t Happens."
 
Buddhism - If Sh*t Happens,it isn't really Sh*t.
 
Zen - What is the sound of Sh*t Happening
 
Hinduism - This Sh*t Happened before.
 
Islam - If Sh*t Happens,it is the will of Allah.
 
Protestantism - Let Sh*t Happen to some-one else.
 
Catholicism - If Sh*t Happens, you deserve it.
 
Judaism - Why does Sh*t always Happen to us ?

" Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others" Come-On ! always tell the truth motmot

Rank：
Score：0
Posts：0
From：Unknown
Register：21/08/2005 6:47 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：21/08/2006 11:50 AMCopy HTML

Reply to : motmot 
 
                                                             Tools of the Revival trade. lol

A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall. Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"

Rank：
Score：0
Posts：0
From：Unknown
Register：06/04/2001 10:54 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：13/11/2006 11:48 AMCopy HTML

check out this site
http://www.getbehindjesus.net/

Rank：Forum Oracle
Score：41550
Posts：1881
From：Australia
Register：27/02/2004 11:21 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：13/11/2006 6:40 PMCopy HTML

Reply to : Anonymous 


check out this sitehttp://www.getbehindjesus.net/ 

That is funny!
A miracle of evolution?
I bet now that this has come to God's attention, he'll redesign it and delete it from our memories... any day now, I'm sure.

Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete

Rank：
Score：0
Posts：0
From：Unknown
Register：06/04/2001 10:54 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：14/11/2006 6:13 AMCopy HTML

This has been moved over 

[Anonymous Avatar]

who would jesus shoot?

Anonymous

Anonymous Visitor

	Date Posted: 13/11/2006 05:36:12 AM 	

[Click here to quote and reply this message] 	[Move to Top] 	[Move to Bottom] 	[Move to Next Message] 	[Move to Previous Message]

I have footage of the GRC gurad dog in action trying to catch a cult member trying to break out of the camp. Watch the vid below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQpu9UoXCeM

Rank：Forum Oracle
Score：41550
Posts：1881
From：Australia
Register：27/02/2004 11:21 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：18/03/2007 1:24 PMCopy HTML

Devil in the Church
One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. 
Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. 
Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" 
The man replied, "Yep, sure do." 
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" 
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man. 
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" 
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years." 

Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete

Rank：Regular Member
Score：4430
Posts：217
From：Unknown
Register：27/11/2005 8:22 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：18/03/2007 11:50 PMCopy HTML

Reply to : MothandRust 

Devil in the ChurchOne Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"The man replied 

One Sunday the Minister thought he would find out if his congregation was awake. He started his sermon with these words "Some of the greatest moments of my life have been spent in the arms of another mans wife" Every one sat up and took notice. After a pause he continued with " that woman was my dear mother"
The Bishop happened to be there  that day, and he thought I must remember  that , and use it in my next sermon. \Which he did, but unfortunately he was getting on a bit, inclined to be forgetful and he said "  Some of the greatest moments in my life have been spent in the arms of another mans wife " then he dried up, unable to remember the payoff line.

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord "

Rank：Poster Grande I
Score：12090
Posts：570
From：Australia
Register：22/07/2005 8:58 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：19/03/2007 6:54 PMCopy HTML

This is a poem written in the early 1900's and first pubished in 1921,  by a Catholic priest ... Patrick Joseph Hardigan , better known as John O'Brien, and dedicated to the pioneers of the Australian Bush   ..........   taken from his book of peoms  .....    " Around the Boree Log "
Some of us older ones may remember them from our early school days.
I apologize if it's a tad long, but it is a part of our history.................
                           TANG MA LAN GA LOO
The bishop sat in lordly state and purple cap sublime,                                                                                             
 And galvanized  the old bush church at Confirmation time;
 And all the kids were mustered up from fifty miles around, 
 With   Sunday clothes, and staring eyes, and ignorance profound
 Now was it fate, or was it grace, whereby they yarded too            
 An overgrown two - storey lad from Tangmalangaloo ?
 
A hefty son of virgin soil , where nature has her fling ,
And grows the trefoil three feet high and mats it in the Spring  
  Where mighty hills  uplift their heads  to pierce the welkin's rim ,  
And trees sprout up a hundred feet before they shoot a  limb;   
There everything is big and grand , and men are giants too -
   But Christian  Knowledge wilts, alas  , at Tangmalangaloo.
 
The bishop summed the youngsters up, as bishops only can;    
  He cast a searching glance around, then fixed upon his man.  
  But glum and dumb and undismayed through every bout he sat ;  
 He seemed to think that he was there, but wasn't sure of that. 
 The bishop gave a scornful look , as bishops sometimes do, 
   And glared right through the pagan in from  Tangmalangaloo.
 
 "Come , tell me  , boy," his lordship said in crushing tones servere
   " Come, tell me why Christmas Days' the greatest of the year ? 
    "How is it that around the world we celebrate that day  
"And send a name upon a card to those who's are far away  ?   
  " Why  is it wandering ones return with smiles and greetings too  ? "  
 A squall of knowledge  hit the lad from  Tangmalangaloo . 
                                                                                                                                                          
He gave a lurch which set a-shake the vases on the shelf, 
  He knocked the benches all askew , up - ending of himself .
And oh , how pleased his lordship was ,and how he smiled to say,  
"  That's good , my boy. Come, tell me now ; and what is Christmas Day ?"  
  The ready answer bared a fact no bishop  ever knew --                                                                     
"It's the day before the races out at Tangmalangaloo ? "

" Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others" Come-On ! always tell the truth motmot

Rank：Poster Grande I
Score：12090
Posts：570
From：Australia
Register：22/07/2005 8:58 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：19/03/2007 7:21 PMCopy HTML

Again I must apologize for the last post . For some unknown reason it   WILL NOT print it out properly.  The tab comes up and says .....
" Too long strings in your post "  
So it 's all over the place like a dogs breakfast. It's so frustrating ! Can anyone help ? or even you Moddy?    PLEASE !
ps.  ATTENTION  :  Sorry to confuse you but it is now rectumfied.

" Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others" Come-On ! always tell the truth motmot

Rank：Poster Venti III
Score：10710
Posts：345
From：Unknown
Register：05/04/2003 2:38 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：21/03/2007 5:00 PMCopy HTML

Why god created woman!

Rank：Member I
Score：1150
Posts：53
From：Unknown
Register：13/02/2007 7:23 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：01/04/2007 11:01 AMCopy HTML

Why god created woman!

http://www.funtoosh.com/dj.php?details=A11~362~notfound~367~355~on~0.25~voted

He's Ok He's All Right

He"s Ok He"s All Right

Rank：Member I
Score：1150
Posts：53
From：Unknown
Register：13/02/2007 7:23 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：13/04/2007 9:03 AMCopy HTML

Just a goffy photo of something someone did to have fun. I'm sure Noel would not find the humour in this. 

http://www.robertwechsler.com/images/applied_geometry.jpg

Whilst I'm at it "what's up with Australian shopping carts?"  All four wheels swivel and you end up (or I did) end up banging off anything that gets in your way. Little old ladies, rug rats, stacks of beans. I don't get it. 

What does this have to do with anything nothing it's just fun.

He"s Ok He"s All Right

Rank：Member
Score：1060
Posts：50
From：Unknown
Register：16/04/2007 1:26 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：10/05/2007 11:44 AMCopy HTML

I found this to be VERY funny!!  

 Sure I"ll get into trouble but life is short and you have to stand for what you believe in. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzNPZf-5aO4&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Elibertyforum%2Eorg%2Fshowflat%2Ephp%3FCat%3D%26Board%3Dw3t%5Fnews%5Fvideo%26Number%3D295357280

"Until the philosophy that holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned, then everywhere is war"

I"ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I"ve never seen anything to make me believe there"s one all-powerful force controlling everything. There"s no mystical energy field controls my destiny.?

If there is a God I don"t like him
AND ALL THE PEOPLE SAID

Rank：Member
Score：1060
Posts：50
From：Unknown
Register：16/04/2007 1:26 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：11/05/2007 2:19 PMCopy HTML

Gotchya!

A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table.

"Mind if I have a few" he asks.

"No not at all" the woman replied.

They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl.

"I'm totally sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really just meant to eat a few."

"Oh that's all right" the woman says. "Ever since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them!!!!

Interactive sermons

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Pastor's destiny

A mother woke her son up on Sunday morning and told him he needed to get ready to go to church. The son replied to his mother that he didn't want to go to church this morning. She told him nonsense he should get up and go to church.

"But mom" he replied, "Everybody hates me, the sermons are boring and none of my friends ever come."

His mother replied, "Now, son...! First, everybody doesn't hate you, only a couple of bullies and you just have to stand up to them. Second, the sermons mean a lot to many people. If you listened to them, you'd be surprised at how good they are in helping people. Third, you have lots of friends at church. They are always having you over to their house. And finally, you have to go, you're the pastor!!"

Rabbinical wisdom

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God" The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Manishewitz wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi.

The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.

The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police"

The Pastor and the Eggs

The elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 25 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "WHY?" The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box.

The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 25 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for.

She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbours for $1."

The Whiner

There was a man, approaching middle age, whose life was comfortable, but he felt an emptiness inside, a longing. So he decide to join a monastery.

The head monk told him that the road ahead was difficult, he would have to give up all earthly possessions, pray constantly, and he would have to be totally silent. In fact, he could not speak at all, to anyone. He was allowed only to say two words every five years.

So the man joins and becomes a monk, and he is silent. Five years goes by, and the Abbot comes to visit. The man is summoned before the Abbot, and he is asked "So, how is everything?" The man answers "Bed hard". The Abbot replies, "Oh, I'm so sorry, we didn't know. We'll take care of that right away. You should be comfortable in bed." And the bed is fixed.

Another five years goes by, the man is silent, and again, the Abbot comes to visit. He again asks "How are you, my son, is all OK?" The man replies to the Abbot "Food cold", to which the Abbot replies, "Oh my, that is no good, we will take care of that problem right away. No more cold food."

Again, five more years goes by, the man is the ideal monk, he prays, he is silent. This time, the Abbot can't visit, so the man is called before his superior, who asks "How are you, are you OK? To which the man replies "I quit".

So his superior says, in surprise, "Well, of course you quit, you've been here for fifteen years and all you've done is complain!"

Help others and learn how to run...

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.

However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

"Until the philosophy that holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned, then everywhere is war"

I"ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I"ve never seen anything to make me believe there"s one all-powerful force controlling everything. There"s no mystical energy field controls my destiny.?

If there is a God I don"t like him
AND ALL THE PEOPLE SAID

Rank：Posterior Maximus
Score：15160
Posts：701
From：Faroe_islands
Register：07/04/2006 8:57 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：13/05/2007 10:51 AMCopy HTML

TWO NUNS 

There were two nuns... 

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), 

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). 

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. 

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for 
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. 

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. 

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes 
at the most! What can we do? 

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. 

SM: It's not working. 

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only 
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. 

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. 

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and 
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. 

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. 

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is 
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. 

Then Sister Logical arrives. 

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! 
Tell me what happened! 

SL: The only logical thing happened. 
The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me 

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? 

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run 
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. 

SM : And? 

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me 

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do? 

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. 

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? 

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. 

SM: Oh, no! What happened then? 

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? 
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down. 

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, 

I'll pray for you!

"Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."

Rank：Poster Venti III
Score：10710
Posts：345
From：Unknown
Register：05/04/2003 2:38 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：16/05/2007 10:31 AMCopy HTML

One day Pastor Hollins was ministring to the saints in Africa, when suddenally a lion jumped out right infront of him.  The Pastor Hollins being full of faith prayed in tongues first and then in english saying "Lord make this lion saved".  Then right before Pastor Holinns' eyes the lion knelt down to pray.  Pastor Hollins was so excited to see the first lion to join the GRC, then he heard thelion pray "Lord I thank you for this food I am about to recieve"
if only that were true!!!   

Rank：Member
Score：1060
Posts：50
From：Unknown
Register：16/04/2007 1:26 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：17/05/2007 9:55 AMCopy HTML

Reply to : youngies_no_more

One day Pastor Hollins was ministring to the saints in Africa, when suddenally a lion jumped out right infront of him. The Pastor Hollins being full of faith prayedin tongues firstand then in english saying"Lord make this lion saved". Then right beforePastor Holinns'eyes the lion knelt down to pray. Pastor Hollins was so excited to see the first lion to join the GRC, then he heard thelion pray "Lord I thank you forthis food I am about to recieve"if only that were true!!!

HAAAAAAA! HAHHAAAAAAAAAHAAAA!!!! HA! HAHHAHA! HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAAA!! HAHAAHA!  NOW THAT'S FUNNY 

DEATH FOR THE CULT LEADER. HE'S OLD AND WILL BE DEAD SOON. And all the people will be saved.

"Until the philosophy that holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned, then everywhere is war"

I"ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I"ve never seen anything to make me believe there"s one all-powerful force controlling everything. There"s no mystical energy field controls my destiny.?

If there is a God I don"t like him
AND ALL THE PEOPLE SAID

Rank：Member
Score：1060
Posts：50
From：Unknown
Register：16/04/2007 1:26 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：22/05/2007 10:33 AMCopy HTML

The universe was created by an all-powerful all-knowing being who came down to us in the form of a cosmic Jewish who was his own father that can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and drink his blood and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Yup, that seems about right .......

"Until the philosophy that holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned, then everywhere is war"

I"ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I"ve never seen anything to make me believe there"s one all-powerful force controlling everything. There"s no mystical energy field controls my destiny.?

If there is a God I don"t like him
AND ALL THE PEOPLE SAID

Rank：Member
Score：1060
Posts：50
From：Unknown
Register：16/04/2007 1:26 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：23/05/2007 12:55 PMCopy HTML

THIS GUY IS FUNNY!!!!

http://russellsteapot.com/comics/2007/lessons-from-scripture.html

"Until the philosophy that holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned, then everywhere is war"

I"ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I"ve never seen anything to make me believe there"s one all-powerful force controlling everything. There"s no mystical energy field controls my destiny.?

If there is a God I don"t like him
AND ALL THE PEOPLE SAID

Rank：Forum Oracle
Score：41550
Posts：1881
From：Australia
Register：27/02/2004 11:21 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：23/05/2007 7:57 PMCopy HTML

Reply to : Frank Spike 


The universe was created by an all-powerful all-knowing being who came down to us in the form of a cosmic Jewish who was his own father that can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and drink his blood and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.Yup, that seems about right ....... 

Well when you put it that way... lol
If I believe that I was saved because once a baby boy, who was born via a virgin human host that grew up to be mutilated and killed. Suppose I knew that, then it must prove the teachings are true... then I should think that's a wonderful secret and it should make them happy, but it doesn't make them happy. It doesn't make them happy unless someone else believes it too. 
- Hitchens

Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete

Rank：Poster Venti III
Score：10710
Posts：345
From：Unknown
Register：05/04/2003 2:38 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：23/05/2007 9:21 PMCopy HTML

Heres a real funny one,
A tall beady eyed man says that you are only saved if you can say 'shundy, mundy, barracutta' really fast over and over, and then you must do whatever he tells you for the rest of your life, attending all meeting and submit to the divine will of the only true mediator between God and Man ... Pastor Hollins, God the Father's second son.

Rank：Posterior Maximus
Score：15160
Posts：701
From：Faroe_islands
Register：07/04/2006 8:57 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：29/05/2007 7:02 PMCopy HTML

It's Hell Getting Old! 
An 80-year old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "Chuck, everything looks great! How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?" 
Chuck  replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, POOF! the light goes on. When I'm done, POOF! the light goes off." 
" WOW, that's incredible," the doctor says. 
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Chuck's wife. 
"Ethel," he says, "George is doing fine! But, I had to call you as I am in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that when he gets up during the night, POOF! the light goes on in the bathroom and when he's done POOF! the light goes off?" 
"Oh, my God!" Ethel exclaims, 
"He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"
 
<F

"Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."

Rank：
Score：0
Posts：0
From：Unknown
Register：06/04/2001 10:54 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：01/06/2007 6:36 AMCopy HTML

Here's an idea for anyone having trouble with GRC members trying to push their crap down your throat. 
 

Rank：Noob
Score：370
Posts：14
From：Unknown
Register：04/06/2007 4:14 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：04/06/2007 4:15 AMCopy HTML

Have a look at this web site it's funny hahaha funny
 
http://christiandomesticdiscipline.com/Home.html

if the truth will set you free why am I still in jail? OH RIGHT! I killed Jesus!

Rank：Noob
Score：370
Posts：14
From：Unknown
Register：04/06/2007 4:14 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：16/06/2007 5:18 AMCopy HTML

This is funny to me
 
http://jalopnik.com/cars/there-are-certain-advantages-to-communism/dodge-viper-burned-at-the-stake-267079.php
The guy had a car with 666 on the plate and they torched it. How mid evil of them. It's funny don't you think?

if the truth will set you free why am I still in jail? OH RIGHT! I killed Jesus!

Rank：Noob
Score：370
Posts：14
From：Unknown
Register：04/06/2007 4:14 AM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：16/06/2007 5:20 AMCopy HTML

More funny hahah funny
 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parody_religion

if the truth will set you free why am I still in jail? OH RIGHT! I killed Jesus!

Rank：Poster Venti I
Score：6570
Posts：312
From：Unknown
Register：22/06/2006 3:38 PM

Re：Time For Some Humour ?

Date Posted：06/08/2008 5:44 AMCopy HTML

 You know your kids are safely out of the clutches of Revival when the evidence of the reverse brainwashing is starting to take effect.......
I heard my Daughter singing "Leo the Lion my provider" and something about "He like's chocolate cake and the Angels bring afternoon tea" Now if only I could get her to stop clapping on the last verse!
Oh well it's a work in progress !!!

As I hear it, I'll repeat it, Its up to you if you believe it! Allegation big and small, soon revealed before us all. outa here- Outa Egypt!

motmot
Rank：Poster Grande I Score：12090 Posts：570 From：Australia Register：22/07/2005 8:58 PM	Date Posted：07/03/2006 5:02 PMCopy HTML The nearer the Church, the further from God . a sermon from Lancelot Andrewes ..........................An apology for the Devil : it must be remembered that we have heard only one side of the case . God has written all the books .Samuel Butlerthere is more if you want. " Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others" Come-On ! always tell the truth motmot
Glad-to be out	Share to: #51
Rank：Posterior Maximus Score：15160 Posts：701 From：Faroe_islands Register：07/04/2006 8:57 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：20/06/2006 7:20 PMCopy HTML A Little Bit Of Patriotism For You All. In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and BBQ'S He created night for going prawning, sleeping and BBQ'S and God saw that it was good. On the Second Day, God created water- for surfing, swimming and BBQ'S on the beach and God saw that it was good. On the Third Day, God created the Earth to bring forth plants to provide malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQ'S and God saw that it was good. On the Fourth Day, God created animals and crustaceans for chops, sausages, steak and prawns for BBQ'S and God saw that it was good. On the Fifth Day, God created a Bloke- to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ'S and God saw that it was good. On the Sixth Day, God saw the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the Barbie with. So God created Mates and God saw that it was good. On the Seventh Day, God looked around at the twinkling Barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God saw that it was good.... well.... almost good. He saw the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest. So God created Sheilas-- to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie and then God saw that it was not just good. It was better than that, it was Bloody Awesome. IT WAS AUSTRALIA!!! "Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."
Anonymous	Share to: #52
Rank： Score：0 Posts：0 From：Unknown Register：06/04/2001 10:54 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：21/06/2006 1:17 PMCopy HTML Reply to : Glad-to be out A Little Bit Of Patriotism For You All.In the beginning God created day and night.He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and BBQ'SHe created night for going prawning, sleeping and BBQ'S and God saw that it was good.On the Second Day, God created water- for surfing, swimming and BBQ'S on the beach and God saw that it was good.On the Third Day, God created the Earth to bring forth plants to provide malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQ'S and God saw that it was good.On the Fourth Day, God created That really made me laugh!!!
motmot	Share to: #53
Rank：Poster Grande I Score：12090 Posts：570 From：Australia Register：22/07/2005 8:58 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：22/06/2006 7:09 AMCopy HTML Thanks Glad, we need some up-lifting at times and a rye smile, again you hit the spot ! Cheers. " Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others" Come-On ! always tell the truth motmot
Glad-to be out	Share to: #54
Rank：Posterior Maximus Score：15160 Posts：701 From：Faroe_islands Register：07/04/2006 8:57 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：04/07/2006 8:05 PMCopy HTML A man and his wife were having an arguement as to who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first and then we don't have to wait so long to have our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it because that is your job. I can wait for my coffee." The wife replies, "No, you should do it and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should make the coffee!" The husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me!!" So she fetched the Bible and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages that it indeed says.......HEBREWS "Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."
Glad-to be out	Share to: #55
Rank：Posterior Maximus Score：15160 Posts：701 From：Faroe_islands Register：07/04/2006 8:57 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：04/07/2006 8:06 PMCopy HTML God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. "Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."
motmot	Share to: #56
Rank：Poster Grande I Score：12090 Posts：570 From：Australia Register：22/07/2005 8:58 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：04/07/2006 8:33 PMCopy HTML To Glad To Be Out, Sorry to cross you Glad, but in my house , I always have the last say .... " yes dear ! " " Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others" Come-On ! always tell the truth motmot
Warrick 007	Share to: #57
Rank： Score：0 Posts：0 From：Unknown Register：21/08/2005 6:47 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：05/07/2006 11:43 AMCopy HTML Reply to : Glad-to be out God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. God saw Adam was without a companion, and he said "Adam, it is not good for you to be alone. I want to give you someone who is beautiful, kind, a wonderful listener, a great obeyer, and very submissive. She will be wonderful! But it'll cost you an arm and a leg." Adam thought about this, then answered, "Hmmm, what can I get for a rib?" LOL.LOL.LOL.LOL !! A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall. Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"
Glad-to be out	Share to: #58
Rank：Posterior Maximus Score：15160 Posts：701 From：Faroe_islands Register：07/04/2006 8:57 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：05/07/2006 1:54 PMCopy HTML Reply to : Revival Baked LOL!!!!! I really like your joke, ROFL!!!!!!!!!! but being female, I prefer mine. Cheers, Gladdy Reply to : Glad-to be outGod may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.God saw Adam was without a companion, and he said "Adam, it is not good for you to be alone. I want to give you someone who is beautiful, kind, a wonderful listener, a great obeyer, and very submissive. She will be wonderful! But it'll cost you an arm and a leg."Adam thought about this, then answered, "Hmmm, what can I get for a rib?"LOL.LOL.LOL.LOL!! "Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."
Warrick 007	Share to: #59
Rank： Score：0 Posts：0 From：Unknown Register：21/08/2005 6:47 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：05/07/2006 7:50 PMCopy HTML Reply to : Glad-to be out Reply to : Revival BakedLOL!!!!! I really like your joke, ROFL!!!!!!!!!!but being female, I prefer mine. How Women Evolved ....... he he he I was hopeing you would hit me back with a another Adam joke. lol A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall. Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"
Glad-to be out	Share to: #60
Rank：Posterior Maximus Score：15160 Posts：701 From：Faroe_islands Register：07/04/2006 8:57 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：05/07/2006 10:04 PMCopy HTML Reply to : Revival Baked Don't have any at the moment, but as soon as I do, you will be the first to know!!!!!!! Love the Evolution of Women, I think that is how the GRC would like us all to be. Cheers, Glad Reply to : Glad-to be outReply to : Revival BakedLOL!!!!! I really like your joke, ROFL!!!!!!!!!!but being female, I prefer mine.How Women Evolved "Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."
Warrick 007	Share to: #61
Rank： Score：0 Posts：0 From：Unknown Register：21/08/2005 6:47 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：06/07/2006 3:52 PMCopy HTML Reply to : Glad-to be out Reply to : Revival Baked Don't have any at the moment, but as soon as I do, you will be the first to know!!!!!!!Love the Evolution of Women, I think that is how the GRC would like us all to be.Cheers,GladReply to : Glad-to be outReply to : Revival BakedLOL!!!!! I really like your joke, ROFL!!!!!!!!!!but being female, I prefer mine.How Women Evolved Did you hear about the man who lost is left harm and left leg in a car crash? Is all "right" now. A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall. Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"
Warrick 007	Share to: #62
Rank： Score：0 Posts：0 From：Unknown Register：21/08/2005 6:47 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：06/07/2006 3:55 PMCopy HTML Reply to : Glad-to be out Love the Evolution of Women, I think that is how the GRC would like us all to be. How about a chart of EVOLUTION on how women become to wear jeans in the GRC! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall. Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"
motmot	Share to: #63
Rank：Poster Grande I Score：12090 Posts：570 From：Australia Register：22/07/2005 8:58 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：08/08/2006 8:51 PMCopy HTML Sht Religions ******** Taoism - Sht Happens ! Confucianism - Confucius say , " Sht Happens." Buddhism - If Sht Happens,it isn't really Sht. Zen - What is the sound of Sht Happening Hinduism - This Sht Happened before. Islam - If Sht Happens,it is the will of Allah. Protestantism - Let Sht Happen to some-one else. Catholicism - If Sht Happens, you deserve it. Judaism - Why does Sht always Happen to us ? " Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others" Come-On ! always tell the truth motmot
Warrick 007	Share to: #64
Rank： Score：0 Posts：0 From：Unknown Register：21/08/2005 6:47 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：21/08/2006 11:50 AMCopy HTML Reply to : motmot Tools of the Revival trade. lol A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall. Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"
Anonymous	Share to: #65
Rank： Score：0 Posts：0 From：Unknown Register：06/04/2001 10:54 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：13/11/2006 11:48 AMCopy HTML check out this site http://www.getbehindjesus.net/
MothandRust	Share to: #66
Rank：Forum Oracle Score：41550 Posts：1881 From：Australia Register：27/02/2004 11:21 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：13/11/2006 6:40 PMCopy HTML Reply to : Anonymous check out this sitehttp://www.getbehindjesus.net/ That is funny! A miracle of evolution? I bet now that this has come to God's attention, he'll redesign it and delete it from our memories... any day now, I'm sure. Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete
Anonymous	Share to: #67
Rank： Score：0 Posts：0 From：Unknown Register：06/04/2001 10:54 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：14/11/2006 6:13 AMCopy HTML This has been moved over [Anonymous Avatar] who would jesus shoot? Anonymous Anonymous Visitor Date Posted: 13/11/2006 05:36:12 AM [Click here to quote and reply this message] [Move to Top] [Move to Bottom] [Move to Next Message] [Move to Previous Message] I have footage of the GRC gurad dog in action trying to catch a cult member trying to break out of the camp. Watch the vid below. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQpu9UoXCeM
MothandRust	Share to: #68
Rank：Forum Oracle Score：41550 Posts：1881 From：Australia Register：27/02/2004 11:21 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：18/03/2007 1:24 PMCopy HTML Devil in the Church One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years." Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete
old holborn	Share to: #69
Rank：Regular Member Score：4430 Posts：217 From：Unknown Register：27/11/2005 8:22 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：18/03/2007 11:50 PMCopy HTML Reply to : MothandRust Devil in the ChurchOne Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"The man replied One Sunday the Minister thought he would find out if his congregation was awake. He started his sermon with these words "Some of the greatest moments of my life have been spent in the arms of another mans wife" Every one sat up and took notice. After a pause he continued with " that woman was my dear mother" The Bishop happened to be there that day, and he thought I must remember that , and use it in my next sermon. \Which he did, but unfortunately he was getting on a bit, inclined to be forgetful and he said " Some of the greatest moments in my life have been spent in the arms of another mans wife " then he dried up, unable to remember the payoff line. "But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord "
motmot	Share to: #70
Rank：Poster Grande I Score：12090 Posts：570 From：Australia Register：22/07/2005 8:58 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：19/03/2007 6:54 PMCopy HTML This is a poem written in the early 1900's and first pubished in 1921, by a Catholic priest ... Patrick Joseph Hardigan , better known as John O'Brien, and dedicated to the pioneers of the Australian Bush .......... taken from his book of peoms ..... " Around the Boree Log " Some of us older ones may remember them from our early school days. I apologize if it's a tad long, but it is a part of our history................. TANG MA LAN GA LOO The bishop sat in lordly state and purple cap sublime, And galvanized the old bush church at Confirmation time; And all the kids were mustered up from fifty miles around, With Sunday clothes, and staring eyes, and ignorance profound Now was it fate, or was it grace, whereby they yarded too An overgrown two - storey lad from Tangmalangaloo ? A hefty son of virgin soil , where nature has her fling , And grows the trefoil three feet high and mats it in the Spring Where mighty hills uplift their heads to pierce the welkin's rim , And trees sprout up a hundred feet before they shoot a limb; There everything is big and grand , and men are giants too - But Christian Knowledge wilts, alas , at Tangmalangaloo. The bishop summed the youngsters up, as bishops only can; He cast a searching glance around, then fixed upon his man. But glum and dumb and undismayed through every bout he sat ; He seemed to think that he was there, but wasn't sure of that. The bishop gave a scornful look , as bishops sometimes do, And glared right through the pagan in from Tangmalangaloo. "Come , tell me , boy," his lordship said in crushing tones servere " Come, tell me why Christmas Days' the greatest of the year ? "How is it that around the world we celebrate that day "And send a name upon a card to those who's are far away ? " Why is it wandering ones return with smiles and greetings too ? " A squall of knowledge hit the lad from Tangmalangaloo . He gave a lurch which set a-shake the vases on the shelf, He knocked the benches all askew , up - ending of himself . And oh , how pleased his lordship was ,and how he smiled to say, " That's good , my boy. Come, tell me now ; and what is Christmas Day ?" The ready answer bared a fact no bishop ever knew -- "It's the day before the races out at Tangmalangaloo ? " " Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others" Come-On ! always tell the truth motmot
motmot	Share to: #71
Rank：Poster Grande I Score：12090 Posts：570 From：Australia Register：22/07/2005 8:58 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：19/03/2007 7:21 PMCopy HTML Again I must apologize for the last post . For some unknown reason it WILL NOT print it out properly. The tab comes up and says ..... " Too long strings in your post " So it 's all over the place like a dogs breakfast. It's so frustrating ! Can anyone help ? or even you Moddy? PLEASE ! ps. ATTENTION : Sorry to confuse you but it is now rectumfied. " Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others" Come-On ! always tell the truth motmot
Uncoolman	Share to: #72
Rank：Poster Venti III Score：10710 Posts：345 From：Unknown Register：05/04/2003 2:38 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：21/03/2007 5:00 PMCopy HTML Why god created woman!
redrubberrat	Share to: #73
Rank：Member I Score：1150 Posts：53 From：Unknown Register：13/02/2007 7:23 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：01/04/2007 11:01 AMCopy HTML Why god created woman! http://www.funtoosh.com/dj.php?details=A11~362~notfound~367~355~on~0.25~voted He's Ok He's All Right He"s Ok He"s All Right
redrubberrat	Share to: #74
Rank：Member I Score：1150 Posts：53 From：Unknown Register：13/02/2007 7:23 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：13/04/2007 9:03 AMCopy HTML Just a goffy photo of something someone did to have fun. I'm sure Noel would not find the humour in this. http://www.robertwechsler.com/images/applied_geometry.jpg Whilst I'm at it "what's up with Australian shopping carts?" All four wheels swivel and you end up (or I did) end up banging off anything that gets in your way. Little old ladies, rug rats, stacks of beans. I don't get it. What does this have to do with anything nothing it's just fun. He"s Ok He"s All Right
Frank Spike	Share to: #75
Rank：Member Score：1060 Posts：50 From：Unknown Register：16/04/2007 1:26 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：10/05/2007 11:44 AMCopy HTML I found this to be VERY funny!! Sure I"ll get into trouble but life is short and you have to stand for what you believe in. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzNPZf-5aO4&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Elibertyforum%2Eorg%2Fshowflat%2Ephp%3FCat%3D%26Board%3Dw3t%5Fnews%5Fvideo%26Number%3D295357280 "Until the philosophy that holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned, then everywhere is war" I"ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I"ve never seen anything to make me believe there"s one all-powerful force controlling everything. There"s no mystical energy field controls my destiny.? If there is a God I don"t like him AND ALL THE PEOPLE SAID
Frank Spike	Share to: #76
Rank：Member Score：1060 Posts：50 From：Unknown Register：16/04/2007 1:26 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：11/05/2007 2:19 PMCopy HTML Gotchya! A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. "Mind if I have a few" he asks. "No not at all" the woman replied. They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl. "I'm totally sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really just meant to eat a few." "Oh that's all right" the woman says. "Ever since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them!!!! Interactive sermons A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying." Pastor's destiny A mother woke her son up on Sunday morning and told him he needed to get ready to go to church. The son replied to his mother that he didn't want to go to church this morning. She told him nonsense he should get up and go to church. "But mom" he replied, "Everybody hates me, the sermons are boring and none of my friends ever come." His mother replied, "Now, son...! First, everybody doesn't hate you, only a couple of bullies and you just have to stand up to them. Second, the sermons mean a lot to many people. If you listened to them, you'd be surprised at how good they are in helping people. Third, you have lots of friends at church. They are always having you over to their house. And finally, you have to go, you're the pastor!!" Rabbinical wisdom A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God" The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Manishewitz wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest. The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?" The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police" The Pastor and the Eggs The elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 25 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "WHY?" The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box. The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 25 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for. She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbours for $1." The Whiner There was a man, approaching middle age, whose life was comfortable, but he felt an emptiness inside, a longing. So he decide to join a monastery. The head monk told him that the road ahead was difficult, he would have to give up all earthly possessions, pray constantly, and he would have to be totally silent. In fact, he could not speak at all, to anyone. He was allowed only to say two words every five years. So the man joins and becomes a monk, and he is silent. Five years goes by, and the Abbot comes to visit. The man is summoned before the Abbot, and he is asked "So, how is everything?" The man answers "Bed hard". The Abbot replies, "Oh, I'm so sorry, we didn't know. We'll take care of that right away. You should be comfortable in bed." And the bed is fixed. Another five years goes by, the man is silent, and again, the Abbot comes to visit. He again asks "How are you, my son, is all OK?" The man replies to the Abbot "Food cold", to which the Abbot replies, "Oh my, that is no good, we will take care of that problem right away. No more cold food." Again, five more years goes by, the man is the ideal monk, he prays, he is silent. This time, the Abbot can't visit, so the man is called before his superior, who asks "How are you, are you OK? To which the man replies "I quit". So his superior says, in surprise, "Well, of course you quit, you've been here for fifteen years and all you've done is complain!" Help others and learn how to run... A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!" "Until the philosophy that holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned, then everywhere is war" I"ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I"ve never seen anything to make me believe there"s one all-powerful force controlling everything. There"s no mystical energy field controls my destiny.? If there is a God I don"t like him AND ALL THE PEOPLE SAID
Glad-to be out	Share to: #77
Rank：Posterior Maximus Score：15160 Posts：701 From：Faroe_islands Register：07/04/2006 8:57 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：13/05/2007 10:51 AMCopy HTML TWO NUNS There were two nuns... One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives. SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM : And? SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me SM: Oh, dear! What did you do? SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down. And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, I'll pray for you! "Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."
Uncoolman	Share to: #78
Rank：Poster Venti III Score：10710 Posts：345 From：Unknown Register：05/04/2003 2:38 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：16/05/2007 10:31 AMCopy HTML One day Pastor Hollins was ministring to the saints in Africa, when suddenally a lion jumped out right infront of him. The Pastor Hollins being full of faith prayed in tongues first and then in english saying "Lord make this lion saved". Then right before Pastor Holinns' eyes the lion knelt down to pray. Pastor Hollins was so excited to see the first lion to join the GRC, then he heard thelion pray "Lord I thank you for this food I am about to recieve" if only that were true!!!
Frank Spike	Share to: #79
Rank：Member Score：1060 Posts：50 From：Unknown Register：16/04/2007 1:26 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：17/05/2007 9:55 AMCopy HTML Reply to : youngies_no_more One day Pastor Hollins was ministring to the saints in Africa, when suddenally a lion jumped out right infront of him. The Pastor Hollins being full of faith prayedin tongues firstand then in english saying"Lord make this lion saved". Then right beforePastor Holinns'eyes the lion knelt down to pray. Pastor Hollins was so excited to see the first lion to join the GRC, then he heard thelion pray "Lord I thank you forthis food I am about to recieve"if only that were true!!! HAAAAAAA! HAHHAAAAAAAAAHAAAA!!!! HA! HAHHAHA! HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAAA!! HAHAAHA! NOW THAT'S FUNNY DEATH FOR THE CULT LEADER. HE'S OLD AND WILL BE DEAD SOON. And all the people will be saved. "Until the philosophy that holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned, then everywhere is war" I"ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I"ve never seen anything to make me believe there"s one all-powerful force controlling everything. There"s no mystical energy field controls my destiny.? If there is a God I don"t like him AND ALL THE PEOPLE SAID
Frank Spike	Share to: #80
Rank：Member Score：1060 Posts：50 From：Unknown Register：16/04/2007 1:26 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：22/05/2007 10:33 AMCopy HTML The universe was created by an all-powerful all-knowing being who came down to us in the form of a cosmic Jewish who was his own father that can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and drink his blood and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree. Yup, that seems about right ....... "Until the philosophy that holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned, then everywhere is war" I"ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I"ve never seen anything to make me believe there"s one all-powerful force controlling everything. There"s no mystical energy field controls my destiny.? If there is a God I don"t like him AND ALL THE PEOPLE SAID
Frank Spike	Share to: #81
Rank：Member Score：1060 Posts：50 From：Unknown Register：16/04/2007 1:26 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：23/05/2007 12:55 PMCopy HTML THIS GUY IS FUNNY!!!! http://russellsteapot.com/comics/2007/lessons-from-scripture.html "Until the philosophy that holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned, then everywhere is war" I"ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I"ve never seen anything to make me believe there"s one all-powerful force controlling everything. There"s no mystical energy field controls my destiny.? If there is a God I don"t like him AND ALL THE PEOPLE SAID
MothandRust	Share to: #82
Rank：Forum Oracle Score：41550 Posts：1881 From：Australia Register：27/02/2004 11:21 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：23/05/2007 7:57 PMCopy HTML Reply to : Frank Spike The universe was created by an all-powerful all-knowing being who came down to us in the form of a cosmic Jewish who was his own father that can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and drink his blood and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.Yup, that seems about right ....... Well when you put it that way... lol If I believe that I was saved because once a baby boy, who was born via a virgin human host that grew up to be mutilated and killed. Suppose I knew that, then it must prove the teachings are true... then I should think that's a wonderful secret and it should make them happy, but it doesn't make them happy. It doesn't make them happy unless someone else believes it too. - Hitchens Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete
Uncoolman	Share to: #83
Rank：Poster Venti III Score：10710 Posts：345 From：Unknown Register：05/04/2003 2:38 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：23/05/2007 9:21 PMCopy HTML Heres a real funny one, A tall beady eyed man says that you are only saved if you can say 'shundy, mundy, barracutta' really fast over and over, and then you must do whatever he tells you for the rest of your life, attending all meeting and submit to the divine will of the only true mediator between God and Man ... Pastor Hollins, God the Father's second son.
Glad-to be out	Share to: #84
Rank：Posterior Maximus Score：15160 Posts：701 From：Faroe_islands Register：07/04/2006 8:57 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：29/05/2007 7:02 PMCopy HTML It's Hell Getting Old! An 80-year old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "Chuck, everything looks great! How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?" Chuck replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, POOF! the light goes on. When I'm done, POOF! the light goes off." " WOW, that's incredible," the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls Chuck's wife. "Ethel," he says, "George is doing fine! But, I had to call you as I am in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that when he gets up during the night, POOF! the light goes on in the bathroom and when he's done POOF! the light goes off?" "Oh, my God!" Ethel exclaims, "He's peeing in the refrigerator again!" <F "Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."
Anonymous	Share to: #85
Rank： Score：0 Posts：0 From：Unknown Register：06/04/2001 10:54 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：01/06/2007 6:36 AMCopy HTML Here's an idea for anyone having trouble with GRC members trying to push their crap down your throat.
timthejew	Share to: #86
Rank：Noob Score：370 Posts：14 From：Unknown Register：04/06/2007 4:14 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：04/06/2007 4:15 AMCopy HTML Have a look at this web site it's funny hahaha funny http://christiandomesticdiscipline.com/Home.html if the truth will set you free why am I still in jail? OH RIGHT! I killed Jesus!
timthejew	Share to: #87
Rank：Noob Score：370 Posts：14 From：Unknown Register：04/06/2007 4:14 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：16/06/2007 5:18 AMCopy HTML This is funny to me http://jalopnik.com/cars/there-are-certain-advantages-to-communism/dodge-viper-burned-at-the-stake-267079.php The guy had a car with 666 on the plate and they torched it. How mid evil of them. It's funny don't you think? if the truth will set you free why am I still in jail? OH RIGHT! I killed Jesus!
timthejew	Share to: #88
Rank：Noob Score：370 Posts：14 From：Unknown Register：04/06/2007 4:14 AM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：16/06/2007 5:20 AMCopy HTML More funny hahah funny http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parody_religion if the truth will set you free why am I still in jail? OH RIGHT! I killed Jesus!
outaegypt	Share to: #89
Rank：Poster Venti I Score：6570 Posts：312 From：Unknown Register：22/06/2006 3:38 PM	Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：06/08/2008 5:44 AMCopy HTML You know your kids are safely out of the clutches of Revival when the evidence of the reverse brainwashing is starting to take effect....... I heard my Daughter singing "Leo the Lion my provider" and something about "He like's chocolate cake and the Angels bring afternoon tea" Now if only I could get her to stop clapping on the last verse! Oh well it's a work in progress !!! As I hear it, I'll repeat it, Its up to you if you believe it! Allegation big and small, soon revealed before us all. outa here- Outa Egypt!