WIZARDS OF ENG
Being a Brief
History of the Land of Oz, as Recorded by
Philgarlick the Scribe
from the Original by H. J. Millard
Philgarlick the Scribe, a dweller in the tents of Oz, being full of years and
like unto a snail with the rheumatism, do write these things, that they who run
may read, and having read, take heed lest worse things befall them.
THE SERVANT OF THE WIZARDS
It came to
pass in the days of Stan, a servant of the Wizards of Eng, that the people of
Oz were bewitched by reason of figures written in books, so that they forsook
the Lord their God and worshipped the figures written in the books of the Wizards.
And they beheld no longer the glory of the heavens, and the beauty of the
earth was hidden from their sight, so that the souls of the people dwindled within
them, and they strove among themselves who could swindle his brother, and counted
it wisdom to score every man over his neighbour for the sake of the figures. For
the spell was heavy upon them.
Now in those
days was a judge set up over the common people to decide what they should receive
in return for their labours. And the people of Oz received not sufficient money
to buy the goods they produced, so that many starved and many became entangled
in the snares of the servants of the Wizards, who were Dealers in Debt.
when the Wizards saw that the people had no faith in the Lord their God, but only
in the figures in books, they said in their hearts, "Behold, Satan has delivered
them into our hands."
And they took counsel among themselves how they might
subdue the people and take away their homes.
Monty the Magician, the chief of the Wizards of Eng, sent word unto Stan, his
servant, saying, "Behold, there is too much money in the pockets of the people.
Put down therefore the judge that presideth over the courts that the money may
be taken from them."
But when the people heard this thing they waxed wrath
and cast out Stan into outer darkness. And he straightway went and dwelt in the
land of Eng with the Wizards his masters, and Scull reigned in his stead.
REIGN OF SCULL
Now it happened in the
reign of Scull that the land was blessed with an exceeding great abundance, so
that the flocks and herds increased mightily, and the earth brought forth fruit
in such quantity that no man dare pray for more because of the abundance.
could they store up the fruits of the earth, for each season brought forth enough
and to spare, so that the rulers were sore perplexed and took counsel among themselves
what they might do, for the common people went hungry and naked in the midst of
plenty, and poverty stalked the land because of the spell.
when the Wizards beheld the sorry plight of the people they sent a bailiff, named
Otto, to take possession of the land, and when he was come, the rulers of Oz bowed
themselves before him, saying: "Speak to us, oh sage!"
And Otto lifted up
his voice and said: "Command the judges that they take away from the people one-tenth
of the contents of their pay envelopes." And there was taken away one-tenth of
his pay from every man, so that the plight of all the people was worse than before.
And there arose an economic blizzard, which smote the people, so that their
homes and their farms and their lands were taken from them and became the property
of the servants of the Wizards, who were Dealers in Debt. And many starved and
And the people made a great
moan and said: "Behold, we starve unto death, and our wives and children starve
also. It must be the fault of Scull. We will throw him out." And
they threw him out, and elected Jo to rule over them.
Now, the name of Jo was famed through
the lands as "Honest" Jo, because he had forsaken his own people to serve the
Wizards of Eng that had cast a spell upon the people of Oz.
And the Wizards
had confidence in him and wrote figures in their books, that the people might
live. And all the people fell down and worshipped the figures in the books of
the Wizards, declaring them greater than the fruits of the earth and greater than
their own flesh and blood.
And, behold, the figures increased like rabbits
in Gippsland, but the birth-rate of the people of Oz increased not at all, so
that the servants of the Wizards said among themselves: "Lo, the slaves which
we have bred to toil for us are perishing from off the face of the earth."
they did moan exceedingly, for about this time came wars and rumours of wars,
as nation strove against nation and men slew each other because of the spell.
And the servants of the Wizards went unto Jo and said: "Behold, the peoples of
the earth are at war. Take, therefore, all the young men from their homes and
from their studies and teach them to kill their brethren, that they may go forth
and kill whosoever we shall command."
Jo pondered this request, whether it was of God or of Mammon. And he knew in his
heart that the nations of the earth made war one against the other because of
the buying and selling, and because of the figures in books. And he answered and
said: "I will not do this wicked thing." And he did it not.
because he did it not, the name of Jo shall be numbered with the illustrious forgotten
men who have fought against their sins. And the days of Jo were three score years
when he was gathered to his fathers; and after many days his mantle fell upon
the shoulders of Menz
THE MISSION OF MENZ
Now Menz was a man of talent, having brains
and courage. And he perceived in his youth that there were many things that a
man should know, and he dreamed dreams of service to humanity after the manner
of youths the world over.
But, because the schools of Oz worshipped the figures
in books, the only things they knew how to teach were how to play the game of
life, according to the rules of the Wizards, and how to gain power, or pelf, or
position; and how spiritual things may be discreetly and reverently adapted to
material ends, that all the hopes and ambitions of youth might be guided into
the service of the Wizards.
For they knew in their hearts that the power and
high places were given unto the servants of the Wizards. And the reward of cleverness
was called success.
So it came to pass that
Menz was smitten with a great curse, so that, whatsoever the Wizards commanded,
seemed right in his sight. And he was condemned to serve the Wizards all the days
of his life, even though his country became as a mortgaged estate and his people
as serfs under the yoke of the Dealers in Debt.
And there were given unto
him honour, and power, and position. And, behold, the fruits, of office were as
ashes in his mouth and he said in his heart: "What shall it profit a man if he
gain the whole world?"
But he could not forsake the service of the Wizards,
because of the curse which had been laid upon him in his youth.
came a war upon the land of Eng and upon the land of Os, by reason of the spell,
which had been cast upon the nations. But the nations stayed their hands, for
they feared the slaughter. And certain of the people said: "Let us take counsel
together whether this thing may not be settled without further carnage."
Menz harkened not to the voice of the people, but gave heed unto the Wizards his
masters. And he lifted up his voice, saying: "This is but the beginning. More
and greater sacrifices will be required of you."
Then entered he into all
the pulpits of Koo and preached to the people, so that the word of the Lord was
heard no longer throughout the city, but only the gospel according to Menz. And,
because he spoke bravely and with fair words, and the memory of the people was
short, they were deceived, and said: "Surely this war is due to Hit, or to Stal,
or maybe to Muss, or even to the people of Timbuctoo."
the Wizards of Eng sent word unto Menz day by day what he should do. And he did
according to their commands.
Now there dwelt in the land of Oz
certain people who had escaped from the spell of the Wizards, and who marvelled
greatly that any could be deceived thereby.
For in those days the schools
of Oz gave courses in Bilge and conferred degrees in Stupidity because of the
spell. And they that took degrees were hired by the servants of the Wizards of
Eng to deceive the people and to confuse their minds, that they might not seek
the real reason why they were deprived of the abundant wealth, which God had given
them, but might continue under the yoke of the Wizards forever.
people spake together concerning the figures in the books and concerning the spell
that had been laid upon them. And their eyes were opened, that they might perceive
the iniquity of their rulers.
And when the students of Bilge saw that they
could no longer deceive the people, they were afraid and began to proclaim such
of the truths that could no longer be hid. And, behold they ran breathlessly after
the people and caught hold of their skirts to restrain them.
But the people
paid no heed; and said, "If ye knew these things, why did you not tell us before?
Have we not slaved under the yoke of the Wizards these many years, until our eyes
are dim and our backs bent, and we were like to become as brute beasts, fit only
to mind the machines and to toil in the counting houses of the Dealers in Debt?"
For the Wizards had sought to kill the spirit
of God that dwells in the souls of men, that they might become as trained beasts,
fit only to breed and to toil. And when they were free of the spell the people
saw that their lot was just as hard whether they were governed by Stan by Scull,
by Jo, or by Menz, for all the political parties of the land were controlled by
the servants of the Wizards of Eng.
wrote every man to his representative in the councils of the land, saying:
long have we laboured for the Dealers in Debt, who are also dealers in misery
and in death, and we are determined to throw off the yoke of the evil ones. Therefore,
shall you renounce all parties and factions, rendering account to no man, but
to the electors." And they that paid no heed were cast into outer darkness.
the vested interests, which made vast contributions to party funds that the Wizards
might be served instead of the people, were sorely vexed, for no representative
would take their money, fearing the wrath of the electors.
the representatives of the people stood erect in the councils and spoke fearlessly
those things, which the people commanded. And peace came upon the land of Eng,
because of the wisdom of the people of Oz.
And they called together the wise
men of the land, who summoned Dr. Ro, the Keeper of the Records of Oz, that he
might tell them of the wealth of the nation, of all the primary and secondary
products, of the value added in process of manufacture, and of all the beasts
of the field, according to the records.
And, behold, there was enough
and to spare for all the inhabitants of the land; and claims were given unto all
men, that they might buy goods from all who wished to sell.
Now, as the Lord
caused the sun to shine upon the just and upon the unjust, so were the claims
given to the rich and to the poor, to the clever and to the foolish, to the righteous
and to the unrighteous, to every man, because he was the child of the most high
And the servants of the Wizards uttered a great moan and prophesied woe
unto the people of Oz, because they had thrown off the yoke of the Dealers in
But when all the inhabitants of Oz were fed and clothed, it was
found that there was an abundance of wool and wheat and butter and eggs and of
all the foodstuffs meet for the well being of mankind. So the people of Oz took
the surplus wool and sent it to Eng, where millions of children were cold and
ill clad, and they gathered together the surplus foodstuffs and sent it all to
the ends of the earth, wheresoever the peoples desired.
to no land was anything sent that was not desired by the inhabitants thereof.
And because the representatives no longer served the Wizards, all social evils
were gradually abolished, according to the vision of the people.
And the vision
of the people was increased an hundredfold, because they served the Lord, their
God, and worshipped no longer the figures in the books of the Wizards.
behold, brother no longer strove against brother, nor was the doctrine of Menz
preached from the pulpits any longer, but only the Gospel of the Man of Galilee.
Then was the name of Oz blessed among the nations, and the people were joyful,
and said: "Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, and He will teach us
his ways, and we will walk in His paths."
the priests of the Lord read aloud to the people the words of Micah, the Prophet,
"They shall beat their swords into ploughshares, and their spears
into pruning-hooks; nation shall not rise upon against nation, neither shall they
learn war any more. But they shall sit every man under his vine and under his
fig-tree; and none shall make them afraid: for the mouth of the Lord of Hosts
hath spoken it." And all the people did answer and say, "Amen."