Holy ghost and fire... mistaking that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you slur your words together for 'the infinite and powerfully hot spirit of God filling your body'.

Supper... Who calls food supper nowadays?

The saints... really arrogant how they refer to each other as brother john or collectively as the saints... I get it... it's just arrogant retrospectively now that I think about it.

a few new ones

wordly folk

dirty backsliders

the lord gave the anointing

are there any new folk out there

i see a ship on the harbour

full on christian witnessing and speaking in tongues

agog and magog

"Get the blessing"

In this church of the sign seeking mentality they really go for the reward system. So extrinsically motivated.

When it was my turn for hall cleaning, everyone used to say "Oh, imaging the blessing you're gonna get"... or when you'd make someone dinner, "oh you'll get the blessing". Stay back and lock the hall because "you'll get the double blessing".

It was like some little cloud of blessing would drop on you for going out of your way to sweep the floor. Come on, just sweep the floor because it's covered in crap... the blessing will be a clean floor!

(Talk begins) "OK folks let's all turn to our bibles. I want you to turn with me now to Acts chapter two verse thirty eight."

"Of course we are not a sect or a cult, but..." (Whenever this is said, you know the speaker is going to emphasise that it just so happens that the assemblies are the only place out there.)

"Submit to the oversight. We are not the thought police ha! ha!... but the bible does say..."

Hi, here's a few old chestnuts courtesy of the CAI:

"ok, here's what you're going to do.."

"the beach day is cancelled.."

"the devil made you choose this wallpaper.."

"give according to the heart, but let it not be less than $150.."

"the beach day is back on.."

"he freaked out.."  (viz, he had a sudden rush of rational thinking)

"better make sure you don't die in a car crash on the way home tonight"

"the beach day is cancelled.."

"find the Nazi who prepared this potato salad.."

"it won't be compulsory to attend this event.."

"your wife is an evil satanic bitch.."

"provide me with a list of names of the people who don't attend this event.."

"most of you aren't even saved.."

"be on standy for the beachday, HRH will see how he feels after elevenses.."

"I think your wife is a government spy.."

"society is definitely going to collapse at Y2K.."

"I also think his wife might be a spy.."

"dude we're above the law when it comes to things like that.."

"I don't care, phone in sick at work if you have to.."

"life was great under Queen Victoria.."

etc, etc..

etc etc..

" Any babes here tonight? I see we have a babe with us tonight for the first time"

I got a real blessing in the Word, testimony, etc.

 RF and RCI in true christian, humble, loving heartfelt ways refer to other faiths  like, AOG- Any Other

Gospel, Mormans- Morons ect ect and of course the poor old catholics. 

A talk - 42.5 minutes of blissful oral narration... sometimes with PowerPoint!

Testimony - 3 minutes of a story you've heard someone tell 458 times.

Chorus - a short power packed and emotionally charged exciting musical ditty repeated two or three times... sometime four!

Communion - A weekly ritual stolen from the catholic church but with Saos and shot glasses of dark grape juice.

Communion talk - Because we know you just wanted a little more for your money.

Tithing - Ten percent BEFORE tax. Who wants a pastor who works in the real world.. dealing with worldlies.. ewww

Wordlies - Goyim, unsaved, beer drinkers, people unable to speak gibberish that no man understands.

Tongues - gibberish that no man understands... amazing!

Filled and thrilled - For a people who hate homosexuals, that sounds really gay.

"that's all there isn't any more" - then giggles VERY time, ahg myself included.

"seat-warmer" - that's what my mum used to call me though I wasn't allowed to stay home.

"born into/brought up in the Lord" - that still comes outta my mouth!

"dirty bit*h, get outta my church!" - nah, but may as well be ;-)

"should the Lord tarry" - and then all the "youngies" that would whinge "but the Lord will come when he is due to come"

"'Uman nature [this] and 'Uman nature [that]" - All in all that was the most annoying thing to me about Ps. Simon, he really needed some speech therapy

"rise to meet him in the air"

PS. so are we meant to tithe before or after tax.... coz I could sure use the extra dough.

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so are we meant to tithe before or after tax.... coz I could sure use the extra dough.

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about the uman thing.. . lloydy had that with a few 'h' words... well done on the euphemisms... there are so many... but i have a block...

those are definitely classics...

about the tax.... go to a large assembly and don't put any in

but true, they DO check for fingerprints on the cash... so reach into the bag and squeeze a few notes... and while you're at it... grab a few

If there's anyone new in and amongst our gathering, don't park in the space reserved for the pastor.

You may now kiss the bride. You can see they have been practising that for ages.

and the people said........ and the people said...AND THE PEOPLE SAID........

Praise the Lord anyway!

"Be in the Spirit!"

"Use your time wisely"

You may have your euphamisms, but RCI Brisbane has Darcyisms. All you Ex Brisbane folk can surely remember how he used to stuff up word meanings (with no idea that he was doing it, we presume)

"Gird your lions about"

"Burn the incest"

A new pastor was "pastorised."

"In Jesususus name"

There are a heap more I can't think of at present. Maybe you can remember them.

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OK let's all come up with a list of Revival Fellowship euphamisms. I'll start...'Filled and Thrilled'= Freshly brainwashed'And all the People Said...'= Heil Hitler!'...Amen!'= Seig Heil!'Walking in the Spirit'= Complying with Assembly guidelines on dress/behaviour etc.Any more?

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Heres a few

Lets look away to the Lord  =   Let's pray

Let's have a loook in Loook = Turn to Luke

He has an attitude problem = he questioned our doctrine.

He's back slidden  =  he's come to his senses and left.

You can be healed of that =  why are you still taking medication?

Only a few will enter = we've  vapourized another assembley     

Lets turn to the Scriptures.

Its the sign of the times.

You are not looking to the Lord

"Isn't it great to be in a church that is in submission to God just as our wives are in submission to us"

Quote from a church leader at a public rally.

revival fellowship quotes.

let your joy be full = we wont deal with the problem

whats your problem? = we cant explain why we behave like we do

always obey your assembly oversight - another incompetent has been made a pastor

I once heard a particular pastor telling a brother at a meeting that 'To leave the fellowship is spiritual death"!

The same pastor also told me we must never be judgemental ( to condemn)  our our brothers and sisters.

No wonder so many are screwed up.

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In REVIVAL FELLOWSHIP I was always fascinated by the multiple meaning of the phrase:"You'd better pray about that"

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That  was a their favourite " cop out " phrase .  Too often these self appointed men would paint themselves into a tight corner due to lack of depth in both character and theology to have any enabling or equipping to fully provide to the necessities of ministry to the needs of the people.

..... and all the people said

oh yeah

Macho Man

I was once told by a pastor to 'get my joy back because I'd lost it"

I looked under my seat and all around the hall but it wasn't there. I found it again AFTER I left RCI. It had fled the joint just like I did.

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It's truly awe inspiring the way that RF/RCI pastors can rise to the occasion when the chips are down.The help, the encouragement, the advise they are able to give based upon years of people experience - it takes your breath away.I remember a pastor who put a member of his own family out of fellowship to save himself. No explanation was given and people were wondering about it. To quieten down the unrest he gathered the whole group together and explained:"People are wondering why X isn't here. I'm going to explain i

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You have a point there. When you spend several years going to the same meeting place every Wednesday and Sunday seeing the same faces week in and week out, year in and year out and then suddenly without warning, a regular familiar face is missing. Of course people talk and ask inquisitive questions among themselves. .  

Another thing I found comical is RCI/Rev Fellowship "theology" . If you read your Bible and came up with something that was not in accord with "official" teaching then first the senior Pastor would call you into the "back" room and drill you about it and ask a prepared  questioning sequence at you. As soon as the senior pastor was finished, the 2IC pastor would then call you in and ask you the same exact questions and give you the same exact drilling. As soon as the 2IC had finished, the next person down the command line would repeat the same exact process and so on.  Sick isn't it and this happened to me up in Cairns. This demonstrates that the RF are nothing but a legalistic cult  and fall very short of ever being called a church by true Bible standards. .   

anon

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Reply to : Marmalade PieIt's truly awe inspiring the way that RF/RCI pastors can rise to the occasion when the chips are down.The help, the encouragement, the advise they are able to give based upon years of people experience - it takes your breath away.I remember a pastor who put a member of his own family out of fellowship to save himself. No explanation was given and people were wondering about it. To quieten down the unrest he gathered the whole group together and explained:"People are wondering why X isn't here. I'm going to explain iYou have a point there. When you spend several years going to the same meeting place every Wednesday and Sunday seeing the same faces week in and week out, year in and year out and then suddenly without warning, a regular familiar fac

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Another thing I found comical is RCI/Rev Fellowship "theology" . If you read your Bible and came up with something that was not in accord with "official" teaching then first the senior Pastor would call you into the "back" room and drill you about it and ask a prepared  questioning sequence at you. As soon as the senior pastor was finished, the 2IC pastor would then call you in and ask you the same exact questions and give you the same exact drilling. As soon as the 2IC had finished, the next person down the command line would repeat the same exact process and so on.  Sick isn't it and this happened to me up in Cairns. This demonstrates that the RF are nothing but a legalistic cult  and fall very short of ever being called a church by true Bible standards. .   

I don't think what the RF do can even be called theology. There's nothing in their doctrines that's based on a systematic approach to the bible or what it teaches at all. It's just the same tired old arguments trotted out every time which have been showed to be threadbare by the people who put together rc.cult.web and www.pleaseconsider.info. It's a bit sad that they don't even seem to notice this. (I've been reading Ian Thomason's posts at the Brissie RF forum lately)

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suddenly without warning, a regular familiar face is missing. Of course people talk and ask inquisitive questions among themselves. .

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Heck, the most exciting thing about Revival meetings was wondering why so and so wasn't there that day? Were they sick? Have they left? Are they being the slackers we always knew they were? It was like Ten little Indians... people were always coming and going leaving the church pretty much the same size it was ten years prior.  If you ever went to a meeting without your spouse you would get bugged all day and night.

Another thing I found comical is RCI/Rev Fellowship "theology" .

Revival theology? There's an oxymoron. How to put together a 'talk':

1. Start the talk with a joke (grab the latest zany e-mail forwarding fodder)
2. Pick a fruit, gift or old testament hero.. cross reference it with ten other similar words.
3. Wrap the talk around an analogy (football, army or hard boiled froggy)
4. Use a prop of some kind to get everyone really excited, or even a powerpoint to knock their socks off (don't over do it though)
5. Congratulate everyone for being in the one church that comes closest to bible perfection (pat heads, hand out lollypops etc)
6. Every 6th or so talk should be a sideshow topic... red heifer, Aswan damn prophecy, pyramid, numerics, B.I. etc.
7. Finish with a twist that includes the necessity of tongues for salvation

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In REVIVAL FELLOWSHIP I was always fascinated by the multiple meaning of the phrase:"You'd better pray about that"It could mean:1. I cannot help you because I have no inter-personal skills2. Don't question my inconsistencies as a pastor3. Don't visit another assembly this Sunday4. What do you mean you are going on holiday and missing camp?and of course there was the classic:"Many are called but few are chosen"Various meanings are:1. Our assemblies are getting smaller2. Someone else won't put up with our behaviour and has left3. We've put them out for non biblical reasons4. No one listens to our tactless way of witnessingfinally:"We are not the only ones"actually means:1. Every other church is in compromise2. We are the best3. We are the champions of the world4. Th

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Other good ones were:

1. "So-and-so is a good Revival Centre person".  Meaning: "So-and-so can't think for themselves and therefore will do anything the pastor tells them to."

2. "I will keep you in my prayers"  Meaning: "You have presented me with a dilema that I have no idea how to resolve and I dont have the necessary skills to advise you"

3 "What is the Revival Fellowship stand on that?"  Meaning: "Please tell me what I should believe about this as I don't have the motivation to research the Bible myself"

4. Social.  Meaning: a venue for trying to get unsuspecting friends and relatives to and then pummel them with unpracticed songs that untallented people have written themselves, followed by stories of amazing events that all relate to how life is so wonderful since they got baptised and spoke in tongues.  Also accompanied by plenty of really good food.

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Reply to : AnonymousI've been reading Ian Thomason's posts at the Brissie RF forum lately)Has he now ??!!... Wow please don't keep me in suspense as I would love to have a link to go and check this out!! So where or which link will get me there. This will no doubt will be great reading. So RF have a forum and SOTT giving em the objective orthodox 123 wow wow yipee please do let me in on the link !!anon

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SOTT's BRF posts have been saved here:

http://www.aimoo.com/forum/postview.cfm?id=443300&CategoryID=411155&startcat=1&ThreadID=2480284

More to come hopefully... BRF website is easily googled.

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It's no good to hang your hat just on number 2 in the list, which also happens to be the least objective and provable from a strictly supernatural perspective.

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Thanks H & S that was awesome !! Don't you just love the way SOTT sticks his iron among the hottest embers where the fire is stoked to the best heat ! 

So what is this bit about joining the boards to enter the forum ?? do we all have to join this RF Forum board to read all this good stuff ??

anon

ps H & S if you consider SOTT's statement  a little closer    " It's no good to hang your hat just on number 2 in the list, which also happens to be the least objective and provable from a strictly supernatural perspective." you then begin to understand why both the RCI and RF are so full of people going around babbling and babbling out of their mouths  "Shondai Shondai my Dad drives a Hyundai" without any discernment between the real and the pretend.. Sadly the "pastors" of both RCI and RF choose the preference of pretense in order to be pleasing to men.. 

cheers  

Revival Fellowship euphamism of the day:

"We will have to agree to disagree"

As most of the christian world does not agree with their legal creed and doctrine; and the non christian world thinks they're deluded; and the ex-members world think they're just plain nuts... there's no confusion why this has become such a popular catch phrase.

NO COMPROMISE - is a similar eupahmism in the same vein. It means that they are not going to give too much entertainment to the idea that there might be some mistakes in their beliefs. In a debate or 'witness' they're only listening for a break in the sentence so that they can continue with the usual argument. If, by the end of the 'religious exchange' tthe target is still not converted and coming down to the hall, they will smile and say "We will have to agree to disagree", while under their breath - "turn or burn worldly fool."

" We don't claim to be the only right church out there...BUT..."

Thats not a good testimony

Your out of fellowship (my personal fave)

Lets pray in the spirit

Lets have a chorus

I thnk we'll operate the gifts now

You young people..blah blah blah

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I remember pastor brad saying "when people leave the assembly it's God taking out the garbage" how disgusting.I Dont have a problem with that...... I see God as the Ultimate recycler.Maybe you could look at the establishments as the dump and only useable things are removed to be recycled into useful things with a purpose

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Ahh Pr Brad... he was so lovable wasn't he?

I haven't heard the car park phraseology before, but I know what you mean. We expected at least two testimonies per meeting, but with 3 or more meetings a week with an assembly of a hundred adults or so, there was a lot of repetition. I can still recite the testimonies of some folkals. So yeah, there were times you'd just ramble on about any ol' good thing that happened that week. Triviality and mediocrity were big deals with a captive audience hanging on your every word... yeah right.

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" We don't claim to be the only right church out there...BUT..."Thats not a good testimonyYour out of fellowship (my personal fave)Lets pray in the spiritLets have a chorusI thnk we'll operate the gifts nowYou young people..blah blah blah

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In REVIVAL FELLOWSHIP I was always fascinated by the multiple meaning of the phrase:"You'd better pray about that"It could mean:1. I cannot help you because I have no inter-personal skills2. Don't question my inconsistencies as a pastor3. Don't visit another assembly this Sunday4. What do you mean you are going on holiday and missing camp?and of course there was the classic:"Many are called but few are chosen"Various meanings are:1. Our assemblies are getting smaller2. Someone else won't put up with our behaviour and has left3. We've put them out for non biblical reasons4. No one listens to our tactless way of witnessingfinally:"We are not the only ones"actually means:1. Every other church is in compromise2. We are the best3. We are the champions of the world4. Th

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   Yeah and what about the classic LL talks of the late 80`s? ( I think)  with quotes of `Kill the Spider in your life` = (don`t dare be anything like or have thoughts of  a normal human being) and all the other stuff like `count your blessings`  (even though life was sooo miserable) 

`He tripped and came fifth (quoting one of the scriptures) ( not forth - soooo original!) and the early 80`s catch phrases that just plain scared the pants off you -(another method of control - surprise)  - `one flash and you`re ash`. That was a great one - especially when people I knew used it as a favourite for their witnessing adventures.

And the quote one cult leader continually brought to the assembly`s attention. `People say we are brainwashed well let me tell you a lot of us needed and need our brains to be washed. Lovely insulting and arrogant stuff - but he was such a lovely inspiring  man. NOT!!! Then in the next breath he`d tell us he`d had such a terrible weekend - he`d slummed it at Hamilton Island. So humble too. A real gem of ministry I say!