Why Can't I Own a Canadian? > > >October 2002 > > >Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to >people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an >observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to >Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The >following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast >resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative: > >Dear Dr. Laura: > >Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I >have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that >knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend >the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that >Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. >I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other >specific laws and how to follow >them: > >When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a >pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They >claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? > >I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus >21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? > >I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her >period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? >I have tried asking, but most women take offense. > >Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and >female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend >of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? >Why can't I own Canadians? > >I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 >clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to >kill him myself? > >A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an >abomination >- Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. >Can you settle this? > >Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a >defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does >my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? > >Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair >around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. >19:27. How should they die? > >I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me >unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? > >My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different >crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of >two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends >to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all >the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - >Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family >affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. >20:14) > >I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you >can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal >and unchanging. > >Your devoted fan, >Jim