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Date Posted:21/08/2008 5:25 AMCopy HTML

Hello All,

Just wanting to know how you all went with making friends post revival.

I was a bit hesitant to start with, because I didn't want another episode of complete isolation again, but in the end I really needed some form of social life!  I was hesitant not to have all my eggs in one basket ever again, and surprisingly I called up a few old friends I had hardly ever spent time with, and they have been great, and I have regular fortnightly home brew and card nights there. 

I remember speaking to an RCI person who lives close to me, and the family decided specifically not to be friends with people in RCI, yet they turn up every Sunday.  They lost close friends in the 95 split and would never again seek friendships in RCI. 

I still to this day refuse to have all my friends in one place ( any church).

How about you guys?

How are you fairing?

Regards Paul.
MothandRust Share to: Facebook Twitter MSN linkedin google yahoo #1
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Re:Making Friends after Revival

Date Posted:24/08/2008 3:33 PMCopy HTML

Hey Paul,

I've just been checking an invitation on facebook to a 20th year high school reunion, and with some dismay and regret I'm going to ignore it. My wife has barred me from taking anymore social flights this year, but I doubt I would have bothered visit these high school buds who should have turned out to be lifelong buds. At the age of 17 I was preaching to them like an idiot and I was already a commodore 64 nerd worhty of shunning.

Twenty years went by and I rarely gave any of the them the time of day, and as the years went on I knew less how to communicate or relate to them anyway. They caught onto the burgeoning computer growth and have set themselves up very comfortably, while I...I on the other hand was determined to hang out and wait for the Prodigal dad to come back and take us all away into holy high rises above the clouds.

It has been hard to find friends and communicate outside the church system. We were the freaks who would get high and mighty when offered a beer at a bbq - . we explored other churches and there were puh-lenty samaritan desperadoes wiling to take us in and show us their better way, but they're nearly as eager to forget us as we left their fold and checked out others.

Revival friends were very forgiving of all my social and character flaws. Flaws that were advancing because of the amount of time I spent with people who mainly thought as I did about most subjects. Revivalists are quite accommodating and forgiving... AS LONG AS YOU DON'T try and leave their fellowship. The the SHUN Shines out of their asses. People in the real world aren't as forgiving. They don't have pastors they can run to and dob on others with. They have a type of law that states that what goes around comes around and that karma is truly a bitch, but when she's in a good mood... the world's your oyster.

We are slowly gathering good and solid friends. They find some of our mannerisms weird but then come to realise that we're a bit off centre because of the indoctrination we had dished on us while leading insular lives innoculated from the big bad world where normal people were enjoying life. I went to a Ball the other night and for the first time ever... DANCED. The stigma of dance and drink were drilled into me very young, so this wild night of drinking and dancing with my friends was very liberating. I stumbled home in a happy stupor wondering why I hadn't been 'fellowshipping' with people like this much earlier. Inhibitions need to be give a night off the leash now and then and the hair needs to go way down.

I can't wait to dance again, no matter how goofy it must have looked the first time. Facebook piccies can prove that statement, but meh, whatever. I'm fairly used to dealing with embarrassement at this stage of life. I'd like to hook up with my grade 12 friends but I didn't really allow myself to know them then and I doubt they'd be truly interested in watching me try to take an interest in them now while they have old girlfriends to chase up.

Revival stole my life. It was a trap and I fell head first into it. It stole my youth and replaced it with clappy sing song sessions 3 or 4 times a week, (in other words, I was tied up and locked in a basement to endure mental torture for 17 years and then spat out. I studied at university and discovered there that you could become friends with people of all ages and beliefs without having to con them all into coming to your cult and tricking them into all believing the same thing. Thank god I was a hopeless street witnesser.

To old friends.... *chink.
[LINK SiteName=Mothrust: Movies and Modern Myth Target=_blank]http://aintchristian.blogspot.com.au/[/LINK] Be nice, for everyone that you meet is fighting a harder battle - Anita Roddick
Didaktikon Share to: Facebook Twitter MSN linkedin google yahoo #2
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Re:Making Friends after Revival

Date Posted:24/08/2008 11:42 PMCopy HTML

Good morning, Paul.

Well I've had no problems making friends post Revival, given that I'm such an affable guy   But I thought I'd comment on something that I did find rather unusual in the early days. Like most people, when my wife and I decided to leave the RCI we were 'dropped' like the proverbial 'hot potato'! But over the course of the next few years, when former 'friends' left (or were put out), they suddenly seemed in a rush to re-establish past 'friendships' with us! It's as if they suddenly realised that they needed a support network for themselves! As the old lyric goes: "...shame on you if you fooled me once, shame on me if you fooled me twice..."

Blessings,

Ian
email: didaktikon@gmail.com
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Re:Making Friends after Revival

Date Posted:25/08/2008 1:41 AMCopy HTML

 To be quite blunt and honest I feel like a Social retard!!

The indoctrination in my head started way before revival, the similarities of being an elitist group made it so easy just to slot in.
Ah yes we've heard it before "Felt like coming Home!!"
Definitely out of the frying pan into the fire.

We have been out for a number of years, we have made acquaintances and 'friends' but no real close friends that you would kick back and just chill, turn up for dinner uninvited, all ways welcome, happy to see you, do things together,  daggy warts and all type friends. (maybe not warts)
The past experience tells me why bother all friendships end badly. Why complicate your life, show yourself friendly and be taken advantage of, but yet that desire to have and replace friendships lost is always there, then question were those friendships real anyway? Then there's the still over judgmental, protective parent, alcohol still 'irks' me, being at a BBQ with even slightly alcohol  affected adults is not appealing to me or the environment I want for my kids. Sitting around with a bottle of wine with XRevers reminds me of a naughty school kids act of defiance. Ive had my years of drug and alcohol induced comatose  no good came of it then, which is probably why I still find it irksome. (loss of brain cells probably aiding my poor judgement where RCI was concerned:) 
But maybe it's just  me- Socially inept, judgmental, difficult, and just not nice to be near.
Obviously I need to be more "affable"
As I hear it, I'll repeat it, Its up to you if you believe it! Allegation big and small, soon revealed before us all. outa here- Outa Egypt!
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Re:Making Friends after Revival

Date Posted:01/11/2008 1:17 PMCopy HTML

I fail.

That pretty much sums up my experience over the past little while concerning attempts to make friends since i left RCI.  No-one seems to understand or comprehend the life i have lived and why i might possibly be the way i am, and when i explain the experience i've had growing up in the RCI and the shunning and disdain i have recieved from those who were my family and friends the world seems to think it's somewhat archaic and that i must be exaggerating because no parent would throw their own child out of the house for failing to conform to religious ideals.

That being said i never had too much of an issue with the doctrine of RCI, but that's beside the point, i wasn't happy there and the pastor of my church was a sick, sick man.  He was also completely and utterly blinded by his love for the joy of his life - his daughter. Pastors daughter syndrome anyone? She recently broke his heart by turning to the dark side and persuing a boy outside the church and whilst the violins are playing in the background i can't help but think of all the times he reduced me to tears by using her as an example of how i should have been.  It was also particularly difficult for me to bite my tongue when i knew she was out clubbing and spending her time at work functions getting absolutely pissed nehind his back.  You see my partner at the time (who i forced into attending the RCI) used to work in a camera lab and not much of the excitement in town escaped his attention as a result.  In addition the pastor thought he was a detective and after many many long winded lectures (which mainly included stories about his youth or anything but what he wanted to interrogate you about) i began to realise i was experiencing the modern day equivalent of the Spanish Inquisition.  Oneday i recieved a call at work from said pastor asking where i was, i said i was at work and before long he admitted he was sitting across the road in the coffee shop.  He asked what time my ex fiance finished work and if he'd be coming past the coffee shop on his way out.  After i broke up with my ex we were both interrogated in great detail about why we split up and all the inns and outs of it and the pastor kept saying "but it's very odd for two people in the lord to break up after so long" it was amost as if he was trying to guilt us into admitting we'd commited some great sin.  Almost as though he wanted us to be guilty of fornicaton so he could relieve his unjustified suspicion. Anyhow the weirdo became obsessed, and he kept harassing myself and my ex about it until my ex had enough and left the church.

This wasn't the end of the matter however, Mr. Detective aka pastor in chief thought he would pursue the matter to the bitter end calling and texting my ex relentlessly at all hours of the morning and night.  Not only had he had his heart broken by me when i left him months before our wedding but he was also dealing with a ridiculously stressful job that saw him working as much as 60-70 hours a week and the love and support he was supposed to recieve from the so called over site seemed more like sick obsessive harassment.  Messages of encouragement from the concerned pastor included "Be a man" "you owe it to me" - yeah whatever, we sat through hours of mundane prattling often in dodgy locations like McDonalds and the vast majority was vanity...about his former life and his short film career as an actor when he was barely post pubescent.

I'm 22, i'm a law student at univeristy, i study off campus because i am socially retarded. I have anxiety attacks when it comes to reintegrating myself into the "world" and no matter how hard i try to tell myself that it's not this big bad evil place that's going to ensure i wax seven times worse than what i was before i recieved the holy spirit, condemnation never has a day off.

Nevertheless i would like to attempt to make friends, i have found alot of people my own age somewhat immature and while i'm not opposed to having fun i'd just rather not do it at the expense of others... i don't like conflict and my life isn't boring enough to go around bitching about other people and their shortcomings.

I recently moved in with a family in the "world" as i had nowhere else to go, they've shown me more love and support than my own flesh and blood ever has.  I have developed a good relationship with a young man i met but after 22 years of being taught that boys/men in the world will only break your heart and cheat on you because they're brain naturally resides in their testicles and they're only after one thing... i seem to be incapabe of trusting him despite the fact that he's given me little reason to suspect that he would ever betray me.

I also seem to harbour a certain prejudice for members of my own sex who have morals a little less devout than mine and i even find myself at times thinking little of them irrespective of whether they are pleasant people to associate with.

So there you go, socially-retarded and proud.  Willing to make friends with the whosoever.  
I wish i was where i used to be when i wanted to be what i am now.
MothandRust Share to: Facebook Twitter MSN linkedin google yahoo #5
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Re:Making Friends after Revival

Date Posted:01/11/2008 2:13 PMCopy HTML

  Hi Dosk

Thanks for posting. My workmates see my 'cultish' upbringing a bit of a novelty and relaying stories onto them about life in a fellowship such as the RCI are difficult for most to understand. I don't bother 'breaking the ice' with those stories anymore as it seems to paint myself into a corner with people. Strangely, they seem to equate any 'cult' or 'sect' with some sort of sexual thing... like the 'Children of god' or early 'Church of Latter day saints' with their multiple wives etc. lol, They certainly do find it funny/sad/ridiculous that we were hustled into marrying at 17 because we inserted some body parts inappropriately.

You're young, and hopefully before too long you'll stop labelling people outside of that little misfit organisation as 'the world'. Strong morals keep things safe, to some degree, but people don't deserve to be judged on their sexual conduct. It is a big world our here and we are its people. All different. All interesting. And individually special and unique. Try and genuinely be interested in other people, and accept them, you'll collect friends along the way if you can. Revivalists have a supremist problem and concentrate their efforts into comforming aquaintances rather than comforting them.

Boys WILL break your heart, but despite the many self-centred men that roam this great green and blue planet of ours I KNOW there are some good eggs out there. Good luck.
[LINK SiteName=Mothrust: Movies and Modern Myth Target=_blank]http://aintchristian.blogspot.com.au/[/LINK] Be nice, for everyone that you meet is fighting a harder battle - Anita Roddick
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Re:Making Friends after Revival

Date Posted:02/11/2008 12:11 AMCopy HTML

Thanks for your thoughts.

Sometimes i feel like a dichotomous enigma because on the one hand i find myself kind and compassionate but at other times i do find myself looking down on people for their lack of morals.  One of my good friends recently left the church and has started sleeping around and exploring the full potential of her bodily capabillities, taking drugs and drinking herself into a coma.  After years of being taught that this is what happens when you leave the church i am have to the conclusion that after years of suppression she's just trying to wade her way through the blanket of confusion that has no doubt fallen on top of her head.  I still love her dearly and if she's living up to the title of "heathen" then so be it, she'd have been called that for leaving anyway (that being said i do hope she sorts herself out, mainly because i worry about her and don't want her to be hurt).

My greatest suprise since leaving RCI and my joy and hope has been discovering that people outside of church can still be nice, welcoming and supportive.  It's not just a behavioural attribute associated with those who are in the RCI alone.  I moved to another state when i left RCI, i know absolutely no-one here and don't get out much as my university work is by correspondence but i hope to shed any negativity towards others and their extra-curricular activities, self imposed supremacy never went down well with me and i doubt it'll aid my cause in making friends either :\
I wish i was where i used to be when i wanted to be what i am now.
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Re:Making Friends after Revival

Date Posted:02/11/2008 12:23 AMCopy HTML

I just read outaegypts comments on making friends after revival and probably should have just copied and pasted that as it sums up exactly how i feel.  The only friends i seem to be able to make are interested in being more than friends and that has nothing to do with my extraordinary personallity (which is non-existant).  I'd like some female friends who i can feel just as comfortable around as i used to feel when i was hanging out with RCI people at a Sunday meeting.

There was never anyone my age there so i grew up associating with a different generation and still find it difficult to relate to my own, it gets easier as i grow but numerous people have told me i'm reminiscent of a 40 y/o women in a 16 y/o girls body who's cynical and jaded failing to see the glass at all, let alone half empty.  What exactly that means i'm not entirely sure but i have discovered the many advantages of looking 16 when you're 22.  Childrens prices on the bus and at the theatre ^_^ I'm such a rebel since i left.
I wish i was where i used to be when i wanted to be what i am now.
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Re:Making Friends after Revival

Date Posted:02/11/2008 2:10 PMCopy HTML

Reply to Dosk

I just read outaegypts comments on making friends after revival and probably should have just copied and pasted that as it sums up exactly how i feel.    Childrens prices on the bus and at the theatre ^_^ I'm such a rebel since i left.
Hey Dosk,

Not just heathen, but Lawless as well. Oh you are naughty but I like you!!!! 

And your too young to probably know the humour connected to the last sentence. 

Well I'm old(ish) and socially inept, at least you have youth on your side as Moth said!!!

It's been a strange time these past 2 years for me but a lot of healing has had to take place to be ready for the new things ahead. I'm in preparation.
I've sort of looked at my barren social circle as an empty field that had to lay fallow for a season(or two). 
Time for some repair to the soil of my soul. 
It's 2.5 years since taking back control and responsibility of my walk with the Lord, and re engaging my brain to think for myself.
 but I'm only now able to start to let people in. s l o w l y . . .
 I have a lot of new associations but they arn't quite friends yet but it's on it's way.
 I can feel my self starting to care and looking forward to certain peoples company. 
Feeling a bit of connection again.
 I was quite content to stay on my island with  the forum as my outlet to voice the things that had fallen on deaf ears and the disappointments, frustration and sometimes even anger that was born from that experience.(Sorry guys)
So what Im saying is the forum is a first great step- You are so not alone- your only a keyboard click away from people that have been there, so you don't have to explain yourself. We get it already!!
The old judgmental nature there's another attitude we share, healthily installed from years of RCI. 
These days Im only responsible for my walk no one else's, I make decisions for me and the decisions others make is their choice and have no bearing on me.
I was sitting today on the end of a hospital bed visiting a dear old friend who had suffered a stroke just yesterday she had an even older friend visiting and I was listening to these old birds carrying on about their use of the 'F' word, my judgmental heckles were up and I just had to say to myself - not your problem! and love her regardless!

Do you have any desire to try fellow shipping with a church group of any kind? or maybe it's too soon? You will know what your ready for.
 We have recently after 2 years of church hopping settled into an AOG church. We didn't even look for 6 months.
 I have had some amazing although small in action support. 
A lady sent me a single scripture last week that was just so spot on to my situation even though I hadn't said much I had been heard and that was priceless to me. 
That was the day I felt a strengthening in my heart that up until that moment felt unfixably broken (I made that word up but it's working for me!) 
It was Gods word healing my soul.
 There are people out there that will care more genuinely than you have probably have ever experienced because it wont come with motivation to control or dictate to you how you should live. 
Since leaving my teenager has developed Anxiety Attacks and sometimes I'm a bit scared for him, if you feel yours getting to the point where you think you might need a bit of support, don't think you can handle it seek out some advice- you don't have to do things on your own. Can i ask what state your in?Pm me the answer if you dont want to answer on the forum. 

Just a thought,  Maybe I can be lawless too I could soak in a bath get all pruney and try to claim a senior citz fair??? cause I aint got a hope in hell of getting a kids fare!!!!
Take care Dosk XX

As I hear it, I'll repeat it, Its up to you if you believe it! Allegation big and small, soon revealed before us all. outa here- Outa Egypt!
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Re:Making Friends after Revival

Date Posted:02/11/2008 7:12 PMCopy HTML

 As far as the view of the incumbent memberships stand of these errant fellowships is that we didn't just leave but rather we backslid..
... and I suppose that the same ill logic can be applied to the entire Revival Fellowship. The RF simply backslid out of the RCI !! and that explains why both groups childishly shun one another with great vigour..

oh well RCI : shun away and shun as well as you like - I have moved on.

But do you realize RCI that when you shun a deserter, you shun the very Lord you make claim to serve.

D
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Re:Making Friends after Revival

Date Posted:10/07/2010 5:34 AMCopy HTML

 I havent read this whole thread, but what i have read is heartbreaking. I got kicked out at 16 due to having a boyfriend who i had *hold onto your seats here people* held hands with. haha what a joke. but it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I had one good friend who i had met at church, but she had only come along a few times before realising how much of a joke it was, so she left about the same time as i got kicked out, so i had someone there who was almost like my guardian angel. if it had not been for her i hate to think what life would have been like. as it was by the time i was 17 i was addicted to many drugs, partying up large. I guess this is in somewhat partly because at church i was always shunned by the other kids as we didnt have money and couldnt afford all the cool "labeled clothes" that all the cool kids had. it sounds so miniscule but was such a huge thing as a child. anyway, i met loads of people through my wild partying days, which took me a couple of years to realise was not the way to be living life. most of the "friends" i met then were not real friends, but now (i am now 22) i have some amazing life long friends, a wonderful partner and life is great. i am so thankful every day that i got out of that church when i did. any later and i hate to think what my life would be like now.

on the other hand my parents also left at about the same time as me, and they have had such a hard time adjusting after 20 years of rci. they have only just started making friends again, and not very close ones at that. i was hoping that this thread might have ideas that might help them meet new people and become socially adept in the normal world again. if anyone does have any ideas please share them.
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Re:Making Friends after Revival

Date Posted:10/07/2010 6:58 AMCopy HTML

Where are you guest, (state that is?) Australia’s a big place maybe someone can help, we are all pretty well spread out on this forum sounds like Adelaide to me,  Melbourne was never that bad I remember there were always some self righteous do gooders, that would dob you in for the most stupid of things as I recall many years ago.

Sounds like you came good and are moving forward now,  that’s the main thing, no condemnation for the past, remember and that, your still young enough to make rci a distant memory. 
J

But give an indication of where you are, then maybe someone can help, once you have a log in you can then private message folk by clicking on the envelope under there name, (like a separate email account for this forum).  Hope this helps.


Im_Out

 

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Re:Making Friends after Revival

Date Posted:04/08/2010 2:50 AMCopy HTML

I was thinking of this last night, I normally only browse the topics on the GRC board as I was a Sydney GRC member for many years.

I have had little success making friends, I have a few female friends and that's it, my son still has all his friends and more ... though he never spoke in tongues nor did he take much on board, he left when he was 19.

So for me it has not been easy.

My best man and long time friend was the one who "Witnessed to me, he had many problems with the minitry, though that has settled and he is still in the place.

And those others that left before or after myself were never people I felt I could be friends with outside the place.
been there got out of that
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Re:Making Friends after Revival

Date Posted:04/08/2010 12:21 PMCopy HTML

I consider myself to be fairly fortunate. During my 13 years in the RCI I continued to associate with my friends outside of RCI. My only REAL friend in RCI is the guy that witnessed to me as he is STILL my best friend. I had 2 other friends and many aquantences in RCI and they have mostly dumped me although they will talk to me if I see them in the street that is about it. I am not bitter as it was what I expected when I left.
So for me leaving wasn't such a big deal, even my 10 year old daughter got over it really quickly. She goes to a dance school where an RCI friend goes and is virtually ignored by a friend who she has known all her life.
I look forward to Friday after work when I can have a beer with my business partner without any guilt.
I have a better realationship with the Lord than ever before. I only have one regret............should have done it sooner.

Phil
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Re:Making Friends after Revival

Date Posted:05/08/2010 11:47 AMCopy HTML

It's funny, referring to them as 'friends'. Honestly, when defining 'friendship', does it cover 'abandoning each other in the hard times'? The opposite actually. So the RCI way is 'I will like you if you are in the church'. Hardly what is considered friendship in the so-called 'evil' world. Good on you for having the courage to go. Faithful Shadow
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Re:Making Friends after Revival

Date Posted:21/09/2010 9:53 AMCopy HTML

Hello All,

Good to see this thread still getting used. 

Initially I found it difficult to make friends.  It really is easier making - or should I say gathering aquaintances...
But that in itself now does not seem so bizzare anymore either.  There are only a certain amount of friends one can have.  Some studies say it is around 15 friends, and up to 150 aquaintances.  That is because you have to invest a lot of time in relationships.  So one thing that I have learned is to schedule time in my diary for friends, especially for those in the church.  After a while you build up a healthy amount of friends again and you enjoy them while you are with them. 

Pax et Bonum,

Mr Kilometres

RCI prophesies
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