Hey Paul,

I've just been checking an invitation on facebook to a 20th year high school reunion, and with some dismay and regret I'm going to ignore it. My wife has barred me from taking anymore social flights this year, but I doubt I would have bothered visit these high school buds who should have turned out to be lifelong buds. At the age of 17 I was preaching to them like an idiot and I was already a commodore 64 nerd worhty of shunning.

Twenty years went by and I rarely gave any of the them the time of day, and as the years went on I knew less how to communicate or relate to them anyway. They caught onto the burgeoning computer growth and have set themselves up very comfortably, while I...I on the other hand was determined to hang out and wait for the Prodigal dad to come back and take us all away into holy high rises above the clouds.

It has been hard to find friends and communicate outside the church system. We were the freaks who would get high and mighty when offered a beer at a bbq - . we explored other churches and there were puh-lenty samaritan desperadoes wiling to take us in and show us their better way, but they're nearly as eager to forget us as we left their fold and checked out others.

Revival friends were very forgiving of all my social and character flaws. Flaws that were advancing because of the amount of time I spent with people who mainly thought as I did about most subjects. Revivalists are quite accommodating and forgiving... AS LONG AS YOU DON'T try and leave their fellowship. The the SHUN Shines out of their asses. People in the real world aren't as forgiving. They don't have pastors they can run to and dob on others with. They have a type of law that states that what goes around comes around and that karma is truly a bitch, but when she's in a good mood... the world's your oyster.

We are slowly gathering good and solid friends. They find some of our mannerisms weird but then come to realise that we're a bit off centre because of the indoctrination we had dished on us while leading insular lives innoculated from the big bad world where normal people were enjoying life. I went to a Ball the other night and for the first time ever... DANCED. The stigma of dance and drink were drilled into me very young, so this wild night of drinking and dancing with my friends was very liberating. I stumbled home in a happy stupor wondering why I hadn't been 'fellowshipping' with people like this much earlier. Inhibitions need to be give a night off the leash now and then and the hair needs to go way down.

I can't wait to dance again, no matter how goofy it must have looked the first time. Facebook piccies can prove that statement, but meh, whatever. I'm fairly used to dealing with embarrassement at this stage of life. I'd like to hook up with my grade 12 friends but I didn't really allow myself to know them then and I doubt they'd be truly interested in watching me try to take an interest in them now while they have old girlfriends to chase up.

Revival stole my life. It was a trap and I fell head first into it. It stole my youth and replaced it with clappy sing song sessions 3 or 4 times a week, (in other words, I was tied up and locked in a basement to endure mental torture for 17 years and then spat out. I studied at university and discovered there that you could become friends with people of all ages and beliefs without having to con them all into coming to your cult and tricking them into all believing the same thing. Thank god I was a hopeless street witnesser.

To old friends.... *chink.

I fail.

That pretty much sums up my experience over the past little while concerning attempts to make friends since i left RCI.  No-one seems to understand or comprehend the life i have lived and why i might possibly be the way i am, and when i explain the experience i've had growing up in the RCI and the shunning and disdain i have recieved from those who were my family and friends the world seems to think it's somewhat archaic and that i must be exaggerating because no parent would throw their own child out of the house for failing to conform to religious ideals.

That being said i never had too much of an issue with the doctrine of RCI, but that's beside the point, i wasn't happy there and the pastor of my church was a sick, sick man.  He was also completely and utterly blinded by his love for the joy of his life - his daughter. Pastors daughter syndrome anyone? She recently broke his heart by turning to the dark side and persuing a boy outside the church and whilst the violins are playing in the background i can't help but think of all the times he reduced me to tears by using her as an example of how i should have been.  It was also particularly difficult for me to bite my tongue when i knew she was out clubbing and spending her time at work functions getting absolutely pissed nehind his back.  You see my partner at the time (who i forced into attending the RCI) used to work in a camera lab and not much of the excitement in town escaped his attention as a result.  In addition the pastor thought he was a detective and after many many long winded lectures (which mainly included stories about his youth or anything but what he wanted to interrogate you about) i began to realise i was experiencing the modern day equivalent of the Spanish Inquisition.  Oneday i recieved a call at work from said pastor asking where i was, i said i was at work and before long he admitted he was sitting across the road in the coffee shop.  He asked what time my ex fiance finished work and if he'd be coming past the coffee shop on his way out.  After i broke up with my ex we were both interrogated in great detail about why we split up and all the inns and outs of it and the pastor kept saying "but it's very odd for two people in the lord to break up after so long" it was amost as if he was trying to guilt us into admitting we'd commited some great sin.  Almost as though he wanted us to be guilty of fornicaton so he could relieve his unjustified suspicion. Anyhow the weirdo became obsessed, and he kept harassing myself and my ex about it until my ex had enough and left the church.

This wasn't the end of the matter however, Mr. Detective aka pastor in chief thought he would pursue the matter to the bitter end calling and texting my ex relentlessly at all hours of the morning and night.  Not only had he had his heart broken by me when i left him months before our wedding but he was also dealing with a ridiculously stressful job that saw him working as much as 60-70 hours a week and the love and support he was supposed to recieve from the so called over site seemed more like sick obsessive harassment.  Messages of encouragement from the concerned pastor included "Be a man" "you owe it to me" - yeah whatever, we sat through hours of mundane prattling often in dodgy locations like McDonalds and the vast majority was vanity...about his former life and his short film career as an actor when he was barely post pubescent.

I'm 22, i'm a law student at univeristy, i study off campus because i am socially retarded. I have anxiety attacks when it comes to reintegrating myself into the "world" and no matter how hard i try to tell myself that it's not this big bad evil place that's going to ensure i wax seven times worse than what i was before i recieved the holy spirit, condemnation never has a day off.

Nevertheless i would like to attempt to make friends, i have found alot of people my own age somewhat immature and while i'm not opposed to having fun i'd just rather not do it at the expense of others... i don't like conflict and my life isn't boring enough to go around bitching about other people and their shortcomings.

I recently moved in with a family in the "world" as i had nowhere else to go, they've shown me more love and support than my own flesh and blood ever has.  I have developed a good relationship with a young man i met but after 22 years of being taught that boys/men in the world will only break your heart and cheat on you because they're brain naturally resides in their testicles and they're only after one thing... i seem to be incapabe of trusting him despite the fact that he's given me little reason to suspect that he would ever betray me.

I also seem to harbour a certain prejudice for members of my own sex who have morals a little less devout than mine and i even find myself at times thinking little of them irrespective of whether they are pleasant people to associate with.

So there you go, socially-retarded and proud.  Willing to make friends with the whosoever.  

Thanks for your thoughts.

Sometimes i feel like a dichotomous enigma because on the one hand i find myself kind and compassionate but at other times i do find myself looking down on people for their lack of morals.  One of my good friends recently left the church and has started sleeping around and exploring the full potential of her bodily capabillities, taking drugs and drinking herself into a coma.  After years of being taught that this is what happens when you leave the church i am have to the conclusion that after years of suppression she's just trying to wade her way through the blanket of confusion that has no doubt fallen on top of her head.  I still love her dearly and if she's living up to the title of "heathen" then so be it, she'd have been called that for leaving anyway (that being said i do hope she sorts herself out, mainly because i worry about her and don't want her to be hurt).

My greatest suprise since leaving RCI and my joy and hope has been discovering that people outside of church can still be nice, welcoming and supportive.  It's not just a behavioural attribute associated with those who are in the RCI alone.  I moved to another state when i left RCI, i know absolutely no-one here and don't get out much as my university work is by correspondence but i hope to shed any negativity towards others and their extra-curricular activities, self imposed supremacy never went down well with me and i doubt it'll aid my cause in making friends either :\

I just read outaegypts comments on making friends after revival and probably should have just copied and pasted that as it sums up exactly how i feel.  The only friends i seem to be able to make are interested in being more than friends and that has nothing to do with my extraordinary personallity (which is non-existant).  I'd like some female friends who i can feel just as comfortable around as i used to feel when i was hanging out with RCI people at a Sunday meeting.

There was never anyone my age there so i grew up associating with a different generation and still find it difficult to relate to my own, it gets easier as i grow but numerous people have told me i'm reminiscent of a 40 y/o women in a 16 y/o girls body who's cynical and jaded failing to see the glass at all, let alone half empty.  What exactly that means i'm not entirely sure but i have discovered the many advantages of looking 16 when you're 22.  Childrens prices on the bus and at the theatre ^_^ I'm such a rebel since i left.

Hey Dosk,

 I havent read this whole thread, but what i have read is heartbreaking. I got kicked out at 16 due to having a boyfriend who i had *hold onto your seats here people* held hands with. haha what a joke. but it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I had one good friend who i had met at church, but she had only come along a few times before realising how much of a joke it was, so she left about the same time as i got kicked out, so i had someone there who was almost like my guardian angel. if it had not been for her i hate to think what life would have been like. as it was by the time i was 17 i was addicted to many drugs, partying up large. I guess this is in somewhat partly because at church i was always shunned by the other kids as we didnt have money and couldnt afford all the cool "labeled clothes" that all the cool kids had. it sounds so miniscule but was such a huge thing as a child. anyway, i met loads of people through my wild partying days, which took me a couple of years to realise was not the way to be living life. most of the "friends" i met then were not real friends, but now (i am now 22) i have some amazing life long friends, a wonderful partner and life is great. i am so thankful every day that i got out of that church when i did. any later and i hate to think what my life would be like now.

on the other hand my parents also left at about the same time as me, and they have had such a hard time adjusting after 20 years of rci. they have only just started making friends again, and not very close ones at that. i was hoping that this thread might have ideas that might help them meet new people and become socially adept in the normal world again. if anyone does have any ideas please share them.

I was thinking of this last night, I normally only browse the topics on the GRC board as I was a Sydney GRC member for many years.

I have had little success making friends, I have a few female friends and that's it, my son still has all his friends and more ... though he never spoke in tongues nor did he take much on board, he left when he was 19.

So for me it has not been easy.

My best man and long time friend was the one who "Witnessed to me, he had many problems with the minitry, though that has settled and he is still in the place.

And those others that left before or after myself were never people I felt I could be friends with outside the place.

I consider myself to be fairly fortunate. During my 13 years in the RCI I continued to associate with my friends outside of RCI. My only REAL friend in RCI is the guy that witnessed to me as he is STILL my best friend. I had 2 other friends and many aquantences in RCI and they have mostly dumped me although they will talk to me if I see them in the street that is about it. I am not bitter as it was what I expected when I left.
So for me leaving wasn't such a big deal, even my 10 year old daughter got over it really quickly. She goes to a dance school where an RCI friend goes and is virtually ignored by a friend who she has known all her life.
I look forward to Friday after work when I can have a beer with my business partner without any guilt.
I have a better realationship with the Lord than ever before. I only have one regret............should have done it sooner.

Phil

It's funny, referring to them as 'friends'. Honestly, when defining 'friendship', does it cover 'abandoning each other in the hard times'? The opposite actually. So the RCI way is 'I will like you if you are in the church'. Hardly what is considered friendship in the so-called 'evil' world. Good on you for having the courage to go. Faithful Shadow