The painful process of leaving the RF was a long and drawn out one. This was partly due to the fact that I never actually thought I would. There were problems I could see all around me, there were things that didn't sit right, but the thought of breaking peoples hearts was not an option. I can admit that now in hindsight, I stayed while my heart was gone because it seemed easier that way. Unfortunately, as many of you may know, you cannot sustain that sort of lifestyle for very long. I came across the 'pleaseconsider' site on my internet travels and that led me to further investigation. I saw all of this discovery as a blessing, it meant that rather than just having a vague sense of dissatisfaction, I now had something tangible to bring forward to my friends and family. I did this, and it backfired (as it often does). I got a lot of revivalist rhetoric thrown at me and soon retreated back into my hardened shell. But the answers I was given did not in anyway satisfy me. I had no idea who Ian was, and I had no intention of finding out. It was the message, not the person. However, after speaking to a senior pastor about my feelings, Ian the 'troublemaker' was brought up. I failed to see what the person who wrote please consider had anything to do with the doctrinal issues presented. Anyway, this continued for a few months and I recently pulled the plug, I was convinced not only of this new doctrine, but also of the falsities of my past.

The first couple of months away were great. I relaxed, I looked into different perspectives on Christ, I even dabbled in a bit of atheist thinking but found nothing of interest there. I felt free, heck, sometimes I would even go out for a few quiet drinks with the guys at work. I didn't go insane or drink myself silly, just a few enjoyable cold ones every now and then. I felt no guilt over this, I was enjoying life and loving the enlightenment God has blessed me with. However, my lack of actual planning soon showed. After not fellowshipping for a few months now, I have been letting all sorts of ideas into my life. I have read so many different things that I'm not actually sure what I believe in any more. And worse still, I don't know how to approach Jesus. Where do I go from here? Do I just start going to another group? Do I prey for further enlightenment? I guess I feel a bit lost, so much so that I can even feel my faith slipping.

I found this site today and I'm hoping some good may come out of it:) Thanks.