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| Title: Time For Some Humour ? | |
| Revival_Centres_Discussion_Forums > The Back Room - Come in for SUPPER > The Funny Pages - Jokes, Games, Weirdities, and oddities | Go to subcategory： |
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motmot
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Date Posted：07/03/2006 5:02 PMCopy HTML The nearer the Church, the further from God . a sermon from Lancelot Andrewes ..........................An apology for the Devil : it must be remembered that we have heard only one side of the case . God has written all the books .Samuel Butlerthere is more if you want.
" Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others"
Come-On !
always tell the truth
motmot
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motmot
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#1
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：08/03/2006 3:59 AMCopy HTML Man cannot make a worm , yet he will make gods by the dozen. Michel Eyquem de Montaigne ...................................... Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature , the feeling of a heartless world and the soul of soulless circumstances. It the opium of the people. Karl Marx ........................................ If triangles had a god, he would have three sides. Charles Louis de Secondat, Baron de Montesquieu " Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others"
Come-On !
always tell the truth
motmot
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Anonymous
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#2
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：08/03/2006 4:30 AMCopy HTML
Pastor Partiality One Sunday morning when I awoke to a beautiful sunny day, I thought to myself, what will I do, when still in bed I laid. I could go for a walk along the river, with my dog on the leash, Or drive to the coast and let her loose, and jog along the beach. A hit of golf would be great, or sit back and read a book. And the Sunday market is where I could go, just to have a look. So many things entered my mind what I could do that day. Or forget all the things I'd thought, and go to church and pray. My conscience felt a little guilt for not thinking of that first. I'd better go; it would do me good to quench my soul from thirst. So I got up out of bed; dressed into my best clothes. Drove to church feeling good doing what I'd chose. When I arrived I saw some people with what seemed a happy look, Walking inside nicely dressed, carrying the only Book. The hymns were sung and sounded swell, with meaning in every line. Then up the front stood the Pastor, for the sermon it now was time. "You must take heed to what I say. In the Bible it is read, That we alone are God's sanctified people, by these principals" he said. The thing he said next touched my heart and also made me sad. "The family structure is breaking down. This world is really bad! There are many children in broken homes; some without a mother. Some without good leadership, and do not have a father. Some confused children are not sure who is their mother, or father. Some have two mothers and three fathers, to choose from who they'd rather. Obey MY ministry. You'll live a happy life; it's really what God planned. Society's a disgrace! This would NEVER happen, if Truth they'd understand". With sermon over when time to go, I left without remark, Considering all the Pastor had said, while walking through the car park. Then I noticed as I walked, a little girl with big blue eyes, Singing while skipping around a tree; happy, and dressed so nice. "Hello little girl," I said. And, "how are you today?" "I'm very happy," she replied, continuing with her play. "Today I'm here with my dad, and to see my other mother. I'll play here with my cousins too, there dad's my father's half brother. Tomorrow I'm going to the zoo with my other father and mother. My sister likes to see the lions, and so does my step brother". With sermon in mind I then thought how sad her family's state. If she'd been born in to a Christian home, should she have known this fate? But I was glad to see her smile and happily play with laughter. "I am a lucky girl," she added. "My grandfather is the Pastor." |
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Anonymous
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#3
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：08/03/2006 5:10 AMCopy HTML
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus loadOf seniors down a highway
When he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts,Which he gratefully munches up.After
about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulderAgain and she hands him
another handful of peanuts.She repeats this gesture about five more
times.When she is about to hand him another batch againHe asks the
little old lady,"why don't you eat thepeanuts yourself?"."We can't chew
them because we've no teeth", she replied.The puzzled driver asks,"Why
do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied,"We just love the chocolate around them."It pays to
be careful around old people.
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Ex_Member
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#4
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：09/03/2006 3:52 AMCopy HTML At first there was FAMILY Then RELIGION Then WAR
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Anonymous
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#5
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：09/03/2006 6:44 AMCopy HTML Sorry girls - it 's a little sexist !People were in their pews talking
at church. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone
started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each
other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.Soon everyone
had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in
his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's
ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up tothe old man and
said, "Don't you know who I am?"The man replied, "Yep, sure do.""Aren't
you afraid of me?" Satan asked."Nope, sure ain't." said the man."Don't
you realize I can kill with a word?" asked Satan."Don't doubt it for a
minute," returned the old man, in an even tone."Did you know that I
could cause you profound, horrifying, agony for all eternity?" persisted
Satan."Yep," was the calm reply."And you're still not afraid?" asked
Satan."Nope," said the old man.More than a little perturbed, Satan
asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"The man calmly replied, "Been
married to your sister for 44 years."
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Anonymous
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#6
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：09/03/2006 6:45 AMCopy HTML
Brian invited his mother over for dinner.
During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice
how beautiful Brian's roommate Jennifer, was.
Brian's Mum had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and
Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met
the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, "Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver
gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be
sure". So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mum:
I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm
not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains
that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner
Love, Brian
Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that
read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that
you "do not" sleep with Jennifer.
But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she
would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mum
LESSON OF THE DAY - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER.
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motmot
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#7
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：10/03/2006 9:40 AMCopy HTML especially for morning sunshine...Let's be happy... you have reminded me of...... Got a Letter from Grandma the Other Day The other day I went up to the local book Christian store saw a " Honk If You Love Jesus " bumper sticker. I was feeling quite cheery because I'd just been to a thrilling Choir performance and a thunderous Prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper bar. Well , am I glad I did ! What an uplifting experience followed ! ....I was stopped at a Red light at a busy intersection , just lost in thoughts of the Lord and how good He is , but didn't notice that the lights had turned to green. It was good that some-one else there loves Jesus to because if he hadn't "honked " , I'd never had noticed !......I found that lots of people love Jesus ! The car behind me started " honking "like crazy and the man leant out of his window and screamed.... " for the love of God..go, Jesus Christ..go, go, go ". ...What an exuberant cheer-leader he was for Jesus ! Now , every-one was honking ! So I just leant out of my window and started waving and smiling to all these lovely people and even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man back there from Queensland as I heard him yelling some-thing about a " sunny beach ", and another man waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air . I asked my teenage grandson who was sitting in the back seat, just what it meant ? He said it was probably a " Hawaiian Good Luck " sign or some-thing. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii ,so I leant out of my window and gave him a " good luck " sign back. My grandson burst out laughing as he must have been enjoying this relgious experience too. A couple of people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they even got out of their cars and began to walk towards me. I bet they wanted to pray , or ask which Church I attended, but this is when I noticed that the lights had turned to green , and so I quickly drove through. I noticed I was the only car that made it over the intersection and the lights were Red again . I felt so sad that I may never see them again , and after all the love we had shared ! .... so I slowed down my car , leaned out of my window , and gave them all one more "Hawaiian Good Luck " sign as I drove away . Praise the Lord for such wonderfull people Grandma.
" Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others"
Come-On !
always tell the truth
motmot
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Anonymous
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#8
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：11/03/2006 6:56 AMCopy HTML Jesus
and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the
computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired
of hearing all the bickering.
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Anonymous
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#9
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：11/03/2006 11:49 AMCopy HTML A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said,
"Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like."
The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and
the holy
man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table.
In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled
delicious and made
the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared
to be famished.
They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to
their arms and
each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a
spoonful,but because the
handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back
into their mouths.
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same
as the first one.
There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made
the holy man's
mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons,
but here the
people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, "I don't understand."
"It is simple" said the Lord, "it requires but one skill. You see, they
have learned to feed
each other, while the greedy think only of themselves."
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motmot
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#10
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：12/03/2006 6:42 AMCopy HTML Men will wrangle for religion ; write for it ; fight for it ; die for it ; ....anything but -- live for it . Charles Caleb Colton ...................................................................... Science without religion is lame , religion without science is blind . Albert Einstein ................................................................. " God bless us every one ! " said Tiny Tim . Charles Dickens ............. A Christmas Carol ..............................................................
" Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others"
Come-On !
always tell the truth
motmot
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MothandRust
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#11
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：13/03/2006 2:37 PMCopy HTML Little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway. "Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. "As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete
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Anonymous
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#12
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：18/03/2006 10:03 AMCopy HTML Reply to : motmot
The Cronulla Gay orgy club wishes to apologise for causing recent race riots.The sms was meant to read ~"lets pash all lesbos" |
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MothandRust
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#13
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：24/03/2006 9:43 AMCopy HTML
Blessed are the Fundamentalists, for they shall inhibit the earth. If atheism is a religion, then "bald" is a hair color. Make God laugh - plan for the future. When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly realized that I was talking to myself. Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete
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motmot
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#14
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：24/03/2006 7:46 PMCopy HTML Thanks H & S......I enjoyed that very much....especially .... " If money is the root of all evil , then why do churches want it so much ?" " Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others"
Come-On !
always tell the truth
motmot
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motmot
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#15
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：07/04/2006 8:22 PMCopy HTML VALE , NOEL HOLLINS There has been much said on this Forum about the ....Aging Demented Apostle .... and that his days are numbered. He certainly must be close to or even past his ..." used - by - date " by now ! So just what sort of a "send off " do you think we could give him ? After all , what can you give someone who has everything - ( espsecially our $ 's ) ! I don't think he would qualify for a State Funeral , or even a 21-son-galute, .... oops, sorry , that should read... " a 21 Gun Salute " , but even Naughty Noel could love this one ..... We could "place him on a pedestal " ; he always wanted that ! We should then have him " petrified "..... unless the forum has scared him so much that he already is ! Then, as he is such a " good bloke " , we could scare the HELL out of him by giving him a " hair curling screamer of a joy ride along the Great Ocean Road . This might put the " Fear of God " into him as he did to us for so long. Then upon arriving at Port Campbell and hiring the biggest crane we could find , lift this " petrified ediface " as high as possible into the air , as this would be the nearest to Heaven Naughty Noel will ever get ! Then swing the crane boom out over the water and lower this " ediface " down amongst the 12 Apostles ( of what's left standing ) , with a plaque on it that reads.... "THE APOSTLE NOEL " . How proud Naughty Noel would be , for all the world to see him , standing there so tall, the people glorifing him as one of their " own ", and immortalizing him in photograghs, beer-posters and place-mats. He would be quite happy standing out there in the ocean - blue, enjoying a constant baptism from the crashing waves. He wouldn't feel out of place , he is amongst good friends -( the apostles ) and....... he always did think he could stand on water. Yes! what a send-off ....... what a blessing ...... I'm sure he would love that ! Come-On ! " Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others"
Come-On !
always tell the truth
motmot
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MothandRust
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#16
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：07/04/2006 9:29 PMCopy HTML Fundamentalist Horoscopes
Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete
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Warrick 007
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#17
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：08/04/2006 1:11 PMCopy HTML
A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall.
Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"
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Anonymous
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#18
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：12/04/2006 1:28 PMCopy HTML With all the new technology available today, it was reported that a 70
yr old woman gave birth recently. Heres a fly on the wall account of the
first visit to her home by her relatives, anxious to see this miracle
baby -:"May we see the baby now?""Not yet, I'll make coffee, and we can
chat for a while"30 min pass, and another relative asks "may we see the
new baby now?"" Not yet " says the mother.A few minutes later they ask
again "Can we see him now?""Not yet " she again repliedGrowing impatient
now , they asked "Well when can we see it"?"WHEN HE CRIES" she told
them ."WHEN HE CRIES?" they said, "Why do we have to wait till he
CRIES?""BECAUSE I FORGOTWHERE I PUT HIM. O.K?""
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itsjustmenow
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#19
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：14/04/2006 12:45 AMCopy HTML Those legs look familiar...hmmm Are they S.A's legs?? haha |
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Warrick 007
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#20
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：14/04/2006 11:41 AMCopy HTML ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall.
Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"
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Ex_Member
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#21
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：27/04/2006 8:06 AMCopy HTML |
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motmot
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#22
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：28/04/2006 12:24 PMCopy HTML I must admit, I had to go back and have another look. I see what you mean, the only thing missing is the knife he carries ...to stab you in the back. Never let him out of your site. He has a very loose / forked tongue. Don't trust his smug smile ......" Warning ... Warning .... Danger .... Danger... Will Robinson " - He is close friends with " Premier " G. Carey. Bar......Briq. is so far up G. C. backside that G. C.'s nose is bleeding . " Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others"
Come-On !
always tell the truth
motmot
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MothandRust
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#23
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：28/04/2006 2:46 PMCopy HTML
Thought I'd put it up here because I'm getting my itchy avatar changing finger ready. I've been playing with a pic in animation shop I wanted to use... sorry for all the people who get confused by the changes... i try and stick to one.. but get bored...
Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete
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Morning Sunshine
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#24
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：28/04/2006 7:59 PMCopy HTML Hi H.@S.
Where ya bin, ma man, Missed you not being around lately. With all your querky, humerous remarks you give back to us. Don't tell me you are bored with us too.Just give us "newbies" time to let off steam.HAHAHA. It is good having you around H@S.I like your new aviator. Itis more gentle. See Ya. M.S. "Hay where has "three kisses?? gone" He was great too. HOW'S THAT FOR BROTHERLY LOVE.???? Let"s Fly Away.
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MothandRust
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#25
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：28/04/2006 8:47 PMCopy HTML
Good evening Morning Sunshine have you had a good day this afternoon? I post at least once a day but not always in the GRC room... is this the only room you read on the www.aimoo.com/revival site? Have you ever clicked on the TODAY button at the top of the page? Some members haven't explored the features of the room fully. I wasn't in the GRC but this is where the main 'audience' is... LOL "Three kisses" has never left but he changes his avatar (not aviator lol... sorry, had to comment) as much as I do... he also changes his username. I think 3kisses/Wingding is currently using 'Revival Bashed' as his nic.. Which I'm sure is no big secret because you can always tell who he is by his unique phonetic spelling I never get bored of this place and it is great to see newbies let off their steam. The Perfect Forwarding Email Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete
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Morning Sunshine
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#26
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：29/04/2006 4:25 AMCopy HTML Hi again H@S Thanks for all that info,.I knew you were going to pick me up on that spelling mistake.I saw what I did ,but too late to retreive it back....Gee you are a very good school teacher.....HAHA. Thanks for your reply. I like you around H@S. We get some good solid stuff. The humour is great too, takes the edge off things. M.S. Let"s Fly Away.
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Glad-to be out
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#27
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：30/04/2006 3:25 PMCopy HTML Reply to : MORNING SUNSHINE Two very tame little jokes. When taking kids to church or reading Bible stories to the grandkids, are we really sure that they are on the ball. Bible story being read to James before bed. Dad full of zeal says, " The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt!" Full of concern, James asked in a timid little voice, "What happened to the flea Daddy?"
This would have been a Sunday sermon to remember for those involved. "Dear Lord!" the Minister began, with arms outstretched towards heaven and a rapturous look on his face. "Without you we are but dust!" He would have gone on, but at that moment towards the back of the Church a liitle girl with a very shrill voice could be heard asking, "Mummy, what is butt dust?" Obviously, I can't take credit for the jokes, they were emailed to me by a friend. Cheers, Glad
"Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."
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motmot
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#28
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：02/05/2006 8:07 PMCopy HTML Some Church Notices ..... (some are authentic) This afternoon there will bea meeting in the South and North ends of the Church. Children will be baptised at both ends ! There will be an icecream social at 4pm next Tuesday. Will all ladies giving milk please come early . On Wednesday, the ladies Literary Society will meet. Mrs Johnson will sing " Put me in my little bed " accompanied by the pastor. Thursday : 5pm , there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become "little mothers", please meet the priest in his study. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs Brown to come forward and lay an egg on the alter. Come-On ! " Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others"
Come-On !
always tell the truth
motmot
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motmot
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#29
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：05/05/2006 9:19 PMCopy HTML Before I start and get attacked, this is a joke. Appologies to the catholics ..... A young couple were to be married on the weekend but unfortunately meet with a nasty accident and were killed. Soon they found themselves at the gates of heaven and St. Peter said ..... come in, come in - I've been expecting you ! The young couple still bewildered said ...... ok , but before we do , although it's nice to be here, may we say, were are not happy - we were going to be married this weekend. We have been denied one of the greatest days of our lives . We feel cheated ! So , before we enter, can we ask a question ? Can we get married in heaven ? Well, St. Peter couldn't answer ..... I don't know and it's not for me to say, so I will have to go and ask. So the young couple waited. The day went by, no sign of St. Peter, Then the next day , till finally ,after a week , he returned and said ...... it's good news , it's good news ! you can get married in heaven ! The young couple were pleased and replied ........ that's terrific , but after waiting for so long , were've had time to think. When your in heaven, your there for a very long long time, which means, were're going to be married for an awfully long long time and during this time , we might fall out of favour with each other ! So if we can get married in heaven, is it also possible to to get a divorce in heaven ? Well !!! The look on St. Peter's face - he was filled with horror !! WHAT ! You want WHAT ? ..... a d d divor ... a ddddd- divorce ? It took me all week to find a priest ! and now you expect me to find..... a lawyer ? Come-On ! " Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others"
Come-On !
always tell the truth
motmot
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Anonymous
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#30
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：16/05/2006 10:27 PMCopy HTML Hay, All You Chaps Out There, Let's have some humour again,Things are getting uninteresting round here.Wazza,H@S.Basher,G.TB.O.Lemons.Revival,and who else.Let's have a competition. who can put the best humour on this thread.And the biggest laugh. Forget all the troll shit. we are only playing into their own game.LET'S HAVE A LAUGH. |
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Warrick 007
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#31
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：17/05/2006 10:21 AMCopy HTML
FUNNY HOW THE GRC MAKES SO MANY THE SAME!!!
A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall.
Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"
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Anonymous
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#32
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：17/05/2006 1:39 PMCopy HTML
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MothandRust
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#33
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：17/05/2006 2:54 PMCopy HTML
How much would I get for cut and pasting old Chartdoctor posts... lol. Ok jokes... hmmm.. there was this monkey and a buddhist. No, hang on I think it was a gorilla? No, no, it was a monkey. Anyway this monkey saw a headless chook and... has anyone heard this one before 'cause I've forgotten how it ends? Whatever, anyway I think the monkey did something funny and said something about yoga. Oh, it was classic but ya really had to be there.... ha, those cheeky monkeys eh? And... oh no, that was the flying lamp post humping gorilla joke. Now I remember it. No worries... Speaking of funny stuff, where is Sabby Pillinut these days? No net access? Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete
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Anonymous
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#34
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：17/05/2006 3:18 PMCopy HTML Geeezzz, h@s, Can't make head nor tail with that one.How about sending your famous pictorial ones.(Is that how you spell pictorial) I know you picked me up on my spelling (Avator not Aviator.) where's the competitive spirit man. |
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motmot
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#35
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：17/05/2006 7:14 PMCopy HTML ok anonymous ....... Did you here about the Irishman, who thought Sherlock Holmes was a bock of flats? Sorry, only 1 out of 10. Come-On ! " Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others"
Come-On !
always tell the truth
motmot
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Warrick 007
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#36
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：17/05/2006 8:00 PMCopy HTML
sorry guys! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall.
Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"
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Warrick 007
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#37
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：17/05/2006 8:42 PMCopy HTML
Guess who, at age 25???
A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall.
Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"
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MothandRust
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#38
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：17/05/2006 8:53 PMCopy HTML
Actually, it's avatar. ... and I'm quite proud of that last non-joke...LOL. Humour, to me, isn't a competitive thing and it never should be. That just makes it too forced. Where do you see comedians playing against each other? I dunno... even Working Dog's 'Thank God you're Here' doesn't work for me because of that angle - seeing comedy judged? Ughh.. no thanks.. There's no absolutes to mark it against because everyone has such different tastes. Imagine if we had a best church competition? (Ha, now THAT would be funny! Some of the best humour has no punchlines (Monty Python)... others come abvious and complete with laugh tracks (most US sitcoms). But don't let me be a stick in the mud. I LOVE the stuff Revival Bashed posts for us.. always classic! Whenever I do find something I think is pretty neat I'll always post it here, as well as to my blog. Having said all that pretentious twaddle, I did happen across this list of cheap laughs, just now, that I hadn't read before: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ You know you're living in the 00's when.....
1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail your mate who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidently insert an "0" to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for 3 different companies.
9. Your company's welcome sign is attached with velcro.
10. Your resume is on a usb-drive in your pocket.
11. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
12. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your good jokes.
13. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
14. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
15. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.
16. Interviewees, despite not having relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.
17. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
18. Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the latest feature, while you have time to go for lunch while yours boots up.
19. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital.
20. There's no money in the budget for the 5 permanent staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford 4 full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.
21. Your relatives and family describe your job as "Works with computers." Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete
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Warrick 007
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#39
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：18/05/2006 8:22 PMCopy HTML
A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall.
Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"
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Warrick 007
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#40
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：18/05/2006 8:27 PMCopy HTML
 sundays are much more interesting outside the GRC!
A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall.
Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"
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MothandRust
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#41
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：18/05/2006 11:38 PMCopy HTML
Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete
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Anonymous
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#42
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：19/05/2006 8:23 AMCopy HTML
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MothandRust
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#43
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：19/05/2006 10:23 AMCopy HTML
Nice to spread some smiles if that's the least we achieve from this forum. Revival Bashed and I are a tag team here... It's fun flying around the internet and finding pretty shiny things back to the nest.. I made this giff of my tongue to use as an avatar... but I think that would probably be a bit too much. I don't think the huddled masses in front of their screens really want to see my tongue, although it is my best feature. I'm sure some will recognise it... hmmm. A friend of mine left the Revival trap this week after nearly two decades... and when that happens the angels in heaven rejoice and H&S pokes his tongue at legalistic control freaks. Here's another soul you don't own! This is a collective tongue poke at all things Revival... naaaaaaah...
Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete
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Anonymous
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#44
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：20/05/2006 9:08 AMCopy HTML Reply to : motmot
The RSPCA has slapped a $100,000 dollar fine on the Collingwoood Football Club. For slaughtering 22 cats. |
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Anonymous
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#45
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：20/05/2006 12:04 PMCopy HTML The President of the United States of America, George W. Bush had a heart attack and died.
He went to hell where the devil was waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got 3 people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it was former President Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing gasping for air, then immediately diving back into the water again over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the next room. In it was British Prime Minister Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No way, I've got this problem with my shoulder. It would be constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George. The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw former President Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for awhile and finally said, "Yeah, I could handle this." The devil smiled and said . . . "Okay Monica, you're free to go!" |
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Warrick 007
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#46
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：20/05/2006 12:57 PMCopy HTML
If the GRC was around in Bible days, they probably would have stoned you for leaving! lol...lol...
A man died and went to heaven. He was met by Jesus and Jesus began to show him around. As they walked they saw some amazing things. Some too beautiful and amazing to describe. Eventually they came to a huge wall and the man heard the sound of music, laughing and what basically sounded like a party coming from behind the wall. Curious, the man asked Jesus what was going on behind the wall.
Jesus answered, "Shhhh!!! Not too loud. That"s the GRC. They think they"re the only ones here!!!"
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Uncoolman
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#47
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：21/05/2006 2:19 PMCopy HTML Recently I received an email with the following story. I am My Own Grandpa. Many many years ago when I was twenty- three, I married a widow whose daughter was pretty as can be. My wife's grown up daughter had beautiful hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the pair were wed. This means my dad's my son in law, it really changed my life. Now my daughter is my mother, cos she is my father's wife. To complicate the matter even thou it brought me joy, I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became a brother in law to dad. Which made him my uncle, and me very sad. For if he was my uncle, that also made him brother, of the widow's grown up daughter, who is also my step mother. Father's wife then had a son who kept them on the run, and he became my grandchild, for he is my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother. This also makes me blue, because not only is she my wife, she's my grandmother too. Now if she is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild. I feel I've now become the strangest case so far. As husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!
Remind you of the GRC inbred lot????????????? Yes! |
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motmot
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#48
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：21/05/2006 9:49 PMCopy HTML Remind you of the GRC inbred lot????????????? To R.R. You took the words right out of my mouth. I was about to say just that. Even if not physically , they are mentally , especially spiritually inbred ! This is exactly what Noel does . He is a master of confusion and guilt - your guilt . It keeps you in the dark . ........ which reminds me ....... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Where was Moses when the lights went out ? ........................... in the dark ! Come-On ! " Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others"
Come-On !
always tell the truth
motmot
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motmot
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#49
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：23/05/2006 9:29 PMCopy HTML MORE CHURCH BLOOPERS ....... The Ladies Bible Study will be held on Thursday at 10 am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. +++++++++++++++++ The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, " Break Forth Into Joy " +++++++++++++++++++++ Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. +++++++++++++++++ The 8th Gradeers will be presenting Shakespear's " Hamlet " in the church basement on Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy +++++++++++++++++ Join us on Thusday night for our "Pot-Luck Supper ". Prayer and medication will follow. +++++++++++++++++++ The Lutheran Mens Group will meet at 6pm. Steak, mashed potatoes,green peas,bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel . ++++++++++++++++++++ Don't let worry kill you, let the church help. +++++++++++++++++ Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at the Calvary Memorial Church Hall, Come and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. ++++++++++++++++++++ We will be holding a National Prayer and Fast this week-end. The cost includes all meals. +++++++++++++++++ This evening at 7pm. there will be hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring along a blanket and be prepared to sin. ++++++++++++++++++++++++ Ladies, don;t forget the Rummage Sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands. Come-On ! " Those are my principles and if you don"t like them, I do have others"
Come-On !
always tell the truth
motmot
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MothandRust
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Share to:
#50
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Re：Time For Some Humour ? Date Posted：13/06/2006 2:19 PMCopy HTML 666 is the Number of the BEAST 670 - Approximate number of the Beast Instagram and Twitter: @mothpete
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Aries (March 21 - April 20) Even though it will turn out she was merely waiting for the bus, you'll glow with pride this weekend when your six year- old douses a girl's blouse with blood outside an abortion clinic - Tonight: Reach out to a family member you haven't chastised in awhile and give them an earful 
Taurus (April 21 - May 21) After a natural disaster hits a part of the country with a high gay population you will become too preoccupied writing a violent screed to your local paper arguing your theory that God hates homosexuals to notice the huge tornado bearing down on your trailer park - Tonight: Pray like there's no tomorrow
Gemini (May 22 - June 21) You and your friends will be outraged when the judge dismisses your defense that, in accordance with Exodus 35:2, it was your pious obligation to murder that Chinese family for operating their donut shop on a Sunday - Tonight: Resist any and all biological urges. Yes, even those...
Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - You'll have a hard time deciding between the possibilities that either evolution is real or God hates you after a common Staph infection fails to respond to antibiotics and devours your entire leg - Tonight: Your suspicions that your child's pet hamster is possessed by the devil are valid - you know what you need to do
Leo (July 23-August 22) The party you go to this week will prove to be the usual dull affair of watching your friend's fat kids shovel hot dogsdown their throats followed by a round of Parcheesi, but at least nothing that transpires there will endanger your future reward of an eternity in heaven spent screaming in peoples' faces - Tonight: Bake a cake for Jesus
Virgo (August 23 - September 22) - Things will never be the same between you and your 13 year-old son after you realize he's bound for hell upon witnessing him humping the living room carpet while secretly watching Days of Our Lives - Tonight: Reenact notable scenes from The Passion of the Christ with friends and family
Libra (September 23 - October 23) Your belief that nobody is more fearful and pure than you is shaken when your spouse takes to sucking a pacifier, babbling incoherently and shitting his pants constantly - Tonight: Dress up as your favorite apostle 
Scorpio (October 24 - November 22) You'll realize that if only everyone took the initiative to read The Bible on their own, then everybody would know everything and we could all relax - Tonight: Its time to narrow the criteria for what qualifies as non-smut in your house
Sagittarius (November 23 - December 21) Finally fed up with all these environmentalists impeding the arrival of the Rapture, you'll spend an afternoon running around town in a frenzy, knocking over every recycling container you see - Tonight: Discover the gay agenda of something
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) Even though it was your retarded brother who impregnated her against her will at gunpoint, you'll be doubly pleased that your daughter is carrying twins - Tonight: Celebrate your goodly work with a glass of milk and a nice long stare at the wall
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) Despite all the lengths electronics manufacturers and the government have gone to in order to introducedevices that allow you the discretion of controlling what your family sees and hears on TV and radio, you insist upon promoting your theory that there is a time and a place for people to experience media you disagree with: Never and nowhere - Tonight: Be on the lookout for manifestations of biblical icons in your food
Pisces (February 19 - March 20) You'll receive a visit from Guiness when it turns out that seventeen is a record number of adopted children torun away from any one household - Tonight: Show Jesus what he really means to you
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Lost for a smart remark to see off your enemies? Unable to deliver that killer insult? Put an end to "I was speechless!" misery with the amazing Biblical Curse Generator, which is pre-loaded with blistering put-downs as delivered by Elijah, Jeremiah and other monumentally angry saints. Simply click the button below, and get ready to smite your foes with a custom-made curse straight out of the Old Testament. 
