Hi I encountered Cutweb over a year  ago but wanted to "backslide' for myself.

I was Spirt filled in Newcastle before the "Pastor Ged" split and can really relate to some of the stories I've read here. 

My home life had been abusive for as long as I can remember with my stepfather routinely bashing my mother, brother and self. I had become depressed, although whether this was a clinical depression and a normal reaction to a disgusting home environment I will happily debate with any amount of  scientific data you'd care to require. When my mother first went to RCI I thought it was the answer to my prayers as I'd always had a underlying beleif in God. MY mother had a new confidence and left my stepfather for a period of time. Sadly she took him back but he never assaulted her or my brother, so everything seemed O.K.

I was Spiritfilled at 14 and the improvement in my confidence only increased, I lost the 'abused child defence weight', became  the straight A student I could have always been and was happy at meetings, although they were a two hour car trip away.

So what happened?

My stepfather was increasingly nastier to me as I became happier and more confident, and eventually seriously assaulted me again, throwing me accross the room and punching etc. I was devastated more by my mothers reaction to this. It was my fault and always had been. Incidentially my new slimness indicated anorexia to her and that was why >>> had bashed me - I'd been prone to mood swings brought on by anorexia that somehow hadn't been apparent till that day. The catalyst for my leaving RCI-Newcastle was her saying she would lie to protect >>>. I hadn't had anything but a shining belief of people in RCI and this evidence of dishonesty in a saint who was also my mother was enough to disgust me right out of there.

A year later I'd moved to Brisbane and I had maintained my belief in the experience of speaking with tongues that I'd experienced as a result of exposure to RCI doctrine. I decided to resume fellowship with RCI Brisbane.

Needless to say a 16 year old living on her own was bound to attract a bit of curiosity and I have only on my leaving the fellowship heard some of the more wild rubbish that had been said about me.

Nonetheless I was now a member and fellowshiped there eventually marrying a brother in the church. My new husband proved to be nothing but a sophisticated liar and actor, I had to work a revolting job that was endagering my health in order to satisfy debts he had run up prior to our marriage. He was however wonderful on a Sunday and was promoted to a Youth Group leadership position, while I was increasingly reviled because my lack of acting ability meant my unhappiness and frustration was apparent to all. Clearly I was slack.

Three months into the marriage I had to call in senior oversight because my husbands new method of making me miserable, so he looked like a shining example of longsuffering sainthood in comparison, was to physically assault me. 

I was believed by the oversight only because of the bruising to the upper part of my body. ******* could lie more convincly and with greater fluency than I could tell the truth. I was given a roasting in front of my husband, apparently my first reaction to report this to the police and call in a qualified counsellor was unchristian, *******, having reiterated what the pastor wanted to hear was O.K. He was kept on as a Youth Group leader and my further misery was written of as further slackness on my behalf.

Shockingly <sarcasm> I left. However my fear of eternal reprisal prevented me from leaving my lawful husband. I will not go into that year, suffice to say it was unpleasant and once again the presence of a complete mongrel in my home coupled with my inability to escape brought about another 'depression'. Rather my Doctor believed I was having an adverse reaction to the intavenous contreceptive Depo-Provera, which can have side-effects as diverse as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (of which some symtoms I exhibited), to Bipolar Disorder.

Husband of course told everyone of my instability, and I went along with it as it had the longed for effect of stopping the threats of violence. I returned to the fellowship with a reputation, and was very careful to 100% back my husband in anything from that time forward.

Husbands wish was to have a child, so pregnant I became. With my pregnancy came a new sense of ooutrage at the way I was expected to live, while I didn't believe I was worth any better my beautiful child had done nothing to deserve this mongrels abuse. I began to refuse to be forced to associate with his friends, who, while ignorant of the physical abuse to me, encouraged ******* in his archaic view of me.

My pregnancy was marked with violence because of this new found backbone. On having the baby I had myself admiitted to hospital with a suspision of Post Natal Depression, this was again never diagnosed, rather it was observed by staff and myself how well and happily I functioned when no visit with ******* was forthcoming. I was scheduled for discharge and freaked, it was then I disclosed my misery in my marriage. Hospital staff had a policy of discouraging 'blaming the marriage' as a PND cop-out, but in my case it was noted this was not the case.   

I left was forced to go back, and was finally given permission to leave when I discovered 'longsuffering husbands' internet porn, cybersex and lapdancing habit. Even this was against the pastor's wishes but he was overuled by Melbourne leadership. 

After a year of seperation my husband was backed into a corner by my further investigating over the internet, and admitted adultery before I admitted it for him.

So I guess after all that I'd 'won', my ex wasn't such the saint and possibly my sadness over the years was not slackness but rather an inability to fake as well as leader's wives are meant to.

Instead I decided to leave, I'd seen enough of the inner workings of the pastors mind to know RCI was not a place I wanted to raise children .

I believed, and still do, that there is nothing in scripture to support the ordering of abused women back to there husbands. Rather I believe there is a scriptural precedent that if a woman does depart (with good reason), she is only prevented from a legal divorce, not the maintenance of a seperate residence.

 So how is life now for the unstable and simple wife of a brilliant leader who was so wronged in matrimony.

Wonderful!

Shockingly the prophesied ruination of my life has not come to pass.

I am fellowshiping with a Spiritfilled church that is happy to affiliate with others and so can handle differing points of view, and people who sometimes have something unavoidable to do on a Sunday. This happy ending took a year - I was paranoid of anything that looked vaguely organised, which was accepted by people they trusted God to deal with me.

I have not had 'depression' in four years.

I am studying science at University.

I have better and more friends than I've ever had, spirit-filled and not.  I chose them.

My life is not perfect, and I do not condemn myself for that. It comes and I accept it happily, good times and bad.

Most importantly my relationship with God is based on what is not on what some jerk tells me should be.

So there it is, if you read this far well done.

Bye. 

This person has been posting a lot so for the sake of consistency I will place this message at the top of all their posts.  This way you can identify all their posts as theirs.  - RH
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Reply to : Anonymous

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I just wanted to say I read your story and am encouraged that you didn't give up on God.

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Thank's.  

God must have had a higher  opinion of me than I realised because we're not tried beyond our capacity to bear apparently.

I think everyone here is till being worked with even if we are not towing a official line.

Reply to : Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I probably know you from my old Brisbane RCI days. Your story has a familiar ring to it, you werent the only battered wife made to suffer in silence. Glad to hear things are going well for you now. My story is under 'help I've fallen away! Not!'. Perhaps you may remember me vaguely, although I think we moved in different circles.  Keep smiling....RS

Hi I was well after Noah times so I'm not sure if any one here would know me. Even if you did you'd probably never guess because my ex was just that good an actor. He does it semi professionally now, I guess RCI leadership was good practise.

I've read all your experiences... Good Grief!!

I know other spouses that have been disciplined for going to the movies with someone of the opposite sex, and yours was allowed to go on a holiday RS... What happened to that 'Let not your good be evily spoken of' and all that steer clear of temptation crap we were drummed with if we got a lift in a car without permission?

I always knew I wasn't the only one to be bashed in that assembly by paernts and/or a spouse. Hope your OK MM.

That's why I left, I'm sure senior oversight may be looking at allegations of suppressing evidence of crimes, and accessories after the fact accusations if it ever gets ugly up there.

I'm just glad I left, ironically I was being a 'good testiomony' according to oversight while I was making the decision to do so. I decided to take that on board and 'good testimonied' to my children right on out of there.