---

Hello allI've been lurking here for a while and I should own up that initially it was as a card-carrying RF member who smugly found it all very amusing. Until I read a few things that struck a chord and got me thinking about how happy I really was, and whether I really believed everything I had been told for the past 13 years. Then I read a post that hit me right between the eyes and summed up exactly what I felt but wasn't game enough to admit [topic below titled 'Advice when leaving revival' - I don't know who you are biggirl but thankyou!]So I have very recently walked away. Took me a long time to get to this point and I don't regret getting out, but I'm now feeling very overwhelmed by a mixture of relief/sadness/elation/grief/confusion/empowerment/anger/satisfaction and whatever other freaking emotion you can think of

---

 Hi, we all felt exactly as you do now when we first left our various CULT. Mine was the GRC, head office branch in Geelong. The great thing about the Forum is that it gives us a chance to talk to people who have shared the same emotions inside the various cults and experienced the whole gammut of emotions that you are going through now that you have left.

Everything falls into place with time. If you can read some books about cults and spiritual abuse, your recovery is faster than if you don't try to educate yourself. There is a list of books in the recommended reading thread.

Even when you have been out for awhile, be careful of the , "but what if they were right !" thought that sneaks up on you every now and then. They definitely aren't right and you have taken the first courageous step.

Only the brave get to take back their lives from the megalomaniacs that have controlled and manipulated us for so long.

You have control over your LIFE'S JOURNEY now and only you can determine the outcome. It is pretty frightening but at the same time really exciting because the path that you choose is up to you and to be so empowered can be daunting.

Good luck, we understand where you are at and we are here if you need us.

Cheers,

Glad

Reply to : Glad-to be out      Everything falls into place with time. If you can read some books about cults and spiritual abuse, your recovery is faster than if you don't try to educate yourself. There is a list of books in the recommended reading thread.

SORRY, I THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE EASIER TO JUST PASTE THE LIST HERE.  IF YOU THINK IT IS A BAD IDEA, I CAN GET RID OF IT.

When I left the GRC with its destructive ministry, it took some time to recover my TRUE self and it was achieved mainly through research and Faith. The following is a list of books that can be purchased in good bookstores in Australia and overseas, some are available in "christian" bookstores ( God will not strike you down if you walk into one of these) and best of all they can be purchased on the internet through Amazon.com !!!!! some larger libraries may have a section on cults as well.

They are not listed in any particular order.

Churches that Abuse                                                                by Ron Enroth

Recovering From Churches That Abuse                              by Ron Enroth

Combating Cult Mind Control                                                 by Steven Hassan

The Suptle Power of Spiritual Abuse                                    by Johnson and Van Vonderon

Healing Spiritual Abue                                                             by Ken Blue

Captive Hearts Captive Minds                                                by M Tobias J Lalich

Dangerous Persuaders                                                          by Louise Samways

The Cultic Phenomenon                                                         by Dan L Markam

Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism            by Robert J Lifton

Recovery From Cults: Help For Victims Of Psychological And Spirirual Abuse    by Michael D Langone 

Take Back Your Life: Recovering From Cults And Abusive Relationships     by J Lalich & M Tobias    

The books listed are just a few that are available to help you unravel just what did happen to you over the years and why it happened.  As I said before, I found them to be a wonderful tool to help with my recovery and you can get them on the internet along with many, many more that deal with the topic of spiritual abuse and abusive pastoring and churches.

Happy reading and recovery,

Glad 

Ok, that's all very nice to say keep focused on the Lord (or interpretation thereof), but as I left the RF a few years ago I was desparate to fill what I thought was a hole in my life. There be traps and there be monsters when you chase the same dragon in a different castle. I was quick to find another church and to get the crutch back under what I thought was a broken arm but I found that once I took the rose coloured glasses off things were quite nice in their natural colours.

Keep your focus on the Lord, he hasn't let you down people have just diverted from the Truth for their own ego's and personal gain long before RF was born and those sins have continued because it's the basis that RF built on.

Reply to : misswooty

Hi Misswooty and welcome to the forum as a poster and lurker. I've been a lurker recently rather than a rambler. Hey sorry about my earlier post Outta, it almost sounded aggresive needlessly arguementative in hindsight. 

I've been lurking here for a while and I should own up that initially it was as a card-carrying RF member who smugly found it all very amusing. Until I read a few things that struck a chord and got me thinking about how happy I really was, and whether I really believed everything I had been told for the past 13 years.

Wow, so this forum was a factor in you re-awakening? After 13 years? Interesting number. I just read a book that detailed the history of that superstition (I digress). It's hard to wash the smugness off after 13 years and I have to congratulate you. It takes a lot of guts and smarts to actually perceive that the reality around you has been infringed upon. Welcome to your life, I hope you enjoy it and make it your own.

Then I read a post that hit me right between the eyes and summed up exactly what I felt but wasn't game enough to admit [topic below titled 'Advice when leaving revival' - I don't know who you are biggirl but thankyou!]

Here's the link for anyone looking for biggirl's excellent post: Advice when leaving Revival 

So I have very recently walked away. Took me a long time to get to this point and I don't regret getting out, but I'm now feeling very overwhelmed by a mixture of relief/ sadness/ elation/ grief/ confusion/ empowerment/ anger/ satisfaction and whatever other freaking emotion you can think of

I feel really happy for you, but that almosts sounds and feels like I'm welcoming you into a different cult. an ex-cult cult. Like I should be smiling inanely and clapping to ditties as you bop up out of a baptismal tank. In truth I am really happy (even the mythical angels of heaven weep tears of joy for you now) and it's heartwarming to know when people bust through the barriers of Revivalism doctrine.

I know I have made the right decision for me but it is just about doing my head in at the moment!

What I want to do, without sounding too pathetically paternal, is to welcome you to the horrifying truth of reality that comes when you're overwhelmed with your list of emotions. I experienced all them too. Iwas like a robot that was given an emotion chip and was able to feel for the first time. Since I have left Revival I have gone through the normal life of joy, pain, sorrow, bliss, fear and etc. The hard part now is the rationality that the terrible things that happen in life are possibly not part of a grand master's plan or test (I know the Christians on board feel differently) but just random chaos and cause and effect. I have found that the torments that can happen in life are due to our own mistakes.

Interested in whether others felt this way & how you got through it...

So yeah, I do know how you feel and up until just recently, it felt very fresh. After 3 years out I am sort of over it but still am studious when it comes to identifying the things that stole my life for 17 years. I'm obsessive and I hold grudges. Not that I hold grudges towards anyone in Revival... I just have contempt for narrow-mindedness and closed thinking, 'cause that's all they got in there, no matter how many random free-thinking chorus leader starts calling himself a 'worship leader' instead.

I got through it by exploring other churches and trying to work out what I believe rather than what other people believe. I'm still chewing it over like gum that has long lost its flavour... yet I still chew... even though it makes me reach and gag. meh...

catchyoulater

---

also looking forward to the attempted "interventions" which will no doubt happen in the coming weeks once word gets around the traps that I've decided to go to hell

---

An eternity of hell and fire will be much easier to take than another chorus session of awkward testimonies and overly repeated 'Jehovah Jirahs' I'm sure.

There'll be lots of well meaning and passionate interveners for sure... especially after 13 years with them. Their own insecurities and fears will come into play. My favourite intervention was when someone told me to come back quick... the Lord is coming back soon. If and when he does, I'll be smiling and happy the planet is getting a change of government.

Ahhh yes. Satan has used us to type his words of deception into this forum to further your journey into wishywashyness. More reality... Satan is our own human reasoning. We can convince ourselves to do the ethical or the unethical. Don't blame Satan, blame ourselves. We're the ones who get ourselves into the mess. The bible is a product of thousands of years of philosophy and I think there's plenty of good ethics in there to chew on... I admire the book, and always will (shock!).

Look forward to hearing your story Missy!

---

REPLY TO MOTH: Me, I have no fear in being the devil's advocateAnd that my love, is why I love you so!!!! well metaphorically speaking that is ... someone need's to balance the feel goods!

---

Awww thanks Outa, I need some love atm... homesick, spasmodically depressed and bewildered I am.

One more post to your Hundredth!!!

I don't have the Internet at home for a while and it's killing me. As you can see, I've got hold of a temporary connection and am venting today. Ya can't kill the ghost in the machine... bwa ha ha ha. I'm alone at school and it's completely dark. I just heard the freakiest sound outside... I came back to pick up some stuff I forgot. I live a few doors down from work... neat.

Man, this is scary I'm going home.

---

Learn to see all people you meet as someone with a 'lesson'. You will be amazed at the wisdom and truth that you will find in the most unlikely places. It is very refreshing to totally DUMP the old RF 'us & them' bullshit thinking and take everyone as you find them without judging them as an 'unbeliever'.My warmest wishes as you rediscover the beauty of yourself and enjoy your recovery.Dog.

---

That's exactly what I was thinking last night as I ran home screaming from the ghosts at the deserted school last night.

Once you take the blinkers off and stop labelling people 'worldlies' and 'ignoramuses' you start discovering what life is all about. People aren't mindless sheep to be pitied and witnessed to until they join your club. They're individuals on their own journeys and they're rich in diversity and beliefs. That kook down the road with the turban is a worthy individual... the JW next door... the used car salesmen (nah, fuck the used car salesmen)... the people who say 'fuck' without flinching... the kids... the Coles check-out chick... beautiful people, beautiful world. They/we all have the right to make our own discoveries and if we work together amazing things happen.

Of course it's not all happy happy joy joy. Some people are absolute bastards and should be locked up and have pencils poked at them... but that's another story.

I'm just listening to Eskimo Joe... and am looking up the lyrics. I had no idea what they were mumbling. Interesting read. Great song.

---

. the people who say 'f***' without flinching...Excuse me young man,Do I need to scrub those typing fingers with soap again????I can't even copy and paste without flinching- can't we just frack instead.

---

No, you need to get over it. Sometimes the best word is a swear word... frak the used car salesmen doesn't have the same bite as 'fuck em'. And truly.. fuck the frakking used car salesmen. Most of them are robbing bastards. I get what you're saying and you're probably being tongue in cheek... and no i'm not going to protect the precious eyes and ears of the scared widdle christians shaking in their office chairs.

these are just words and you're being overly sensitive. Some people are dickheads.. there's no better word sometimes and i'm not going to mollycoddle you with gollys and gees. Hell used to be a horrendous word, so did heck.. bloody is quite acceptable now... shit is often replaced by shite, but that's a wimpy cop out.

sometimes making love isn't enough. sometimes you just need a good f**k (i took the edge off that one for ya). get it? I'm giving you good shock therapy here. So pick your jaw up and stop crying because of what you perceive as offensive. You can interpret words however you like but please do not tell me how I should speak... because I'm free to use any colourful venaculars as I choose when I want to express myself adequately.

Misswooty, I hope you're not offended by my fruity talk, but it's awfully liberating to be just able to say 'FUCK' after suppressing those words for so long.

---

Reply to : MothandRustI'm giving you good shock therapy here. So pick your jaw up and stop cryingIt would take more than that to make me cry!!!!With my18 years in the RC's and what Ive been through the last 2 years, and am still dealing with, the last thing I need is shock therapy!!Actually, I was having a good giggle at your enthusiasm in protecting your devine right of freedom to use whatever words you like!!!Do you have issues with authority? After bending over backwards for I8 years of Dominating, Overbearing control freaks- why would you??? lol!!

---

I always read back over my posts and think, 'What a prat'... but thanks for taking me with a grain of salt. Authority... I don't like it, but it's all I now. Plus I'm a classroom teacher so I spend all my day being authoritive... and NOT swearing. That doesn't go down well in a grade 6 class.

---

REPLY TO MOTH:- Me, I have no fear in being the devil's advocate-I always read back over my posts and think, 'What a prat'.Devils Advcate and a Prat.... You must be so Proud, I could only ever dream of such things!!XXX

---

My dear ex-Egyptian friend, are you trying to trigger the ol' Moth, hmm? Baiting? Waiting for me to say sumpthin' stupid?

My closest friends calls me "Wally", When I was 17 I used to introduce myself to girls as Maverick. Usually I get PB, those letters just sound right together. Lately I'm struggling to find a nickname that will stick that doesn't have the word 'lard' or 'bastard' in it. I've joined a gym and I'm swimming everyday, so pretty soon the body will be as beautiful as my eyes and luxuriously non-grey hair. Then I shall be like as unto God (except for the dreaded month of July when I will lose my 35th birthday and starting spiralling down into death). But yes... soon the circle will come complete... I will rule this forum, take over the principal's job at school slowly building my empire, then single-handedly dethrown all RFellowship hierachy, bringing them down to their knees, kneeling before Moth. I will raise up my son to follow in my footsteps, and if I'm a realllly nice god on a good day, I'll try not to throw him to the dogs as a sacrifice to save the sins of those who trusted in me the first time.

How far are we now for the actual topic of this thread. Let's keep it together eh? Stop baiting me into a brew-haha. LOL

and if I'm a realllly nice god on a good day, I'll try not to throw him to the dogs as a sacrifice to save teh sin who trusted in me the first time.

---

  Hi Mothy, methinks that you are not the totally disrespectful person that you would have us believe!!!!! How come the lowercase "g" when you refer to yourself as a GOD. Huh, huh,huh?

Not much happening today.

Cheers,

Glad

---

Reply to : MothandRustand if I'm a realllly nice god on a good day, I'll try not to throw him to the dogs as a sacrifice to save teh sin who trusted in me the first time.Hi Mothy, methinks that you are not the totally disrespectful person that you would have us believe!!!!! How come the lowercase "g" when you refer to yourself as a GOD. Huh, huh,huh?Not much happening today.Cheers,Glad

---

I have just came in at the the last four posts to this thread (after skimming thru "Todays Posts" and have no idea what it is about (you three, Outa, Moth and Glad must be bored or are there no other good posts about this evening?).

Now miss wooty was saying she was in a controlled head spin (which is normal, by the way, wooty) and was wondering whether others felt this way & how you got through it...

Glad, Outa and Moth your earlier posts were spot on and very helpful, but as the thread got longer we seemed to stray off the track somewhat. This s a typical phenomena and hence mosts threads struggle to get to the second page. Do the moderators keep statistcs on this stuff? I digress, back on track...

So, I shall give you my response (just to bring the thread back on track, so to speak).

I was in the RC for 16 yrs and for the last three years of that time my wife had been visiting this web site (unbeknowns to me)! Anyway we had trouble with a dishonest Pastor/brother (shock horror) and one thing lead to another and next thing you know we got a call from the son of the root of all this RC mess. Well once he got involved the situation was handled with all the spiritual wisdom of a gnat. We quoted scriptures and spoke the truth but -  true to form of all the RCs - They did not like that and tried to find some dirt on us. We REALISED THAT THE OVERSIGHT WERE NOT LOVERS OF THE TRUTH and stopped going. We were disgusted by their attitude, manipulations and falsehood and the lies!!! It was much worse than this but I will not go into full detaIls unless I get a PM (personal message). Well we would have been in a real head spin but my wife then told me about this

1) web site which helped heaps. Plus we actually found

2) someone who was willing to help, meet with us and guide us through the maze. They had left over 20 yrs ago and fellowshipped with believers amongst Pentecostal circles. Those type are the best help. They did not write off God just because the RCs left a bad taste in their mouths. In time, when you feel ready get some fellowship with other believers outside of RC, they won't bite and they are genuine, without the brain washing attached. We also

3) read a couple of the Cult books on the list Glad supplied earlier in this post. During this time we

4) still prayed together and consolidated as a  family. We went nowhere for almost six months. Also, I

5) read Psalms, Proverbs and the New Testament a lot, a real lot. I highlighted all the relevant encouraging scriptures and did not let go of them. I carried them to work and read them if I needed to.

6) Do not be too judgmental or questoning of other church practises at first (as they are all very different to the RCs, they even talk about Jesus).

7) I prayed and fasted a lot too. Many thngs happened on days I fasted. It was incredible how God would make those coincidences happen on fasting days!

8) There is great support on this web site, we visit it often.

Love In Christ,

Culty

Good stuff , nice and clear. I've mentioned in previous posts that that this site is a great help and it is. I 'm enjoying seeing a broad overview of the frailty of administration (we put too much confidence in it) as you said once you started to build relationship with Jesus stuff starts happening (good stuff).

There is no point in being bitter you only find yourself in another camp (bitterness) while some are in camp (blindesss) and of course there are many. My experience is the pain of these experiences can sometimes bring about brokeness and as result you go looking for that place to be fed of JESUS. Well Done.............

Glad, Outa and Moth your earlier posts were spot on and very helpful, but as the thread got longer we seemed to stray off the track somewhat. This s a typical phenomena and hence mosts threads struggle to get to the second page. Do the moderators keep statistcs on this stuff? I digress, back on track...

So, I shall give you my response (just to bring the thread back on track, so to speak).

So sorry for not being annuly retentive enough for you. I don't believe that people are hanging on MY every word waiting for a revelation when I write on here.

I write to encourage, inform and help people and I have rolled up my sleeves, pitched in and helped quite a few along the way  ( I was 16 years "in" and now 10 years "out") to the detriment of my own mental health at times. I will always be here for ex GRCrs  and other ex Revivalists who are trying to recover from the shocking abuse that we all suffered while we were captives of the various toxic, twisted ministries.

If you want to write to do likewise, please do, but don't criticise others who may like to bring a little bit of lightness into a situation that deals with such soul destroying issues on a daily basis.

As for threads not going on for more than a page, who made you the determinor of how long a thread should be. Threads have a life span of their own and if you read "Big Girl's" answer to "miss wooty", you will see that a thread can be helpful and used as a reference point 12 months or more after it was originally posted !

Life eh? Go figure !!

Glad

---

For what it's worth I found the whole "off topic" discussion pretty funnyinfact my favourite comedians are those who start off telling a story and eventually finish it 2 hours later with a whole lot of completely unrelated nonsense in between. Could just be my short attention span [ah so that's why I struggled to sit through the talks... actually no, it's because most of them were dull and/or depressing]I

---

Yeah, they give the thread some flavour. I know a lot of forums can become tedious chest beaters, but I think it's good to know people feel they are free to ramble and babble if they feel like it, as long as it doesn't detract 'too' much from the topic.

I used to be a thread nazi and wanted everything just so. I agree and empathise with those that would like to guide the forum in that direction. It's all good, and we all respond in different ways. I know we're all individuals... but I myself am not.

I didnt take any criticism in Cults post , he did obviously want to make a comment that was relevant to the thread which probably is a good thing every now and then...There's probably enough verbal diarrhoea posted to with stand a bit of annal retentiveness every now and then-LOL I read it more tongue in cheek

One mans verbal diarrhoea is another man's verbal chocolate. I don't like to be a thread Nazi, but I do like some respect given to the topic at hand. There's always room for a bit of personality to remind each other that there are fellow humans at the end of these keyboards and wires joining us all together.

Anyway I Digress....back to MOTH... me bait you ??....never...oh, Ok occassionally, but if you knew the fish would bite wouldn't you throw a line....
A little Gwiggle between friends- It's non fattening and good for the soul
MOTH: Waiting for me to say sumpthin' stupid?......
Like I Love You......

Reply to : cultevasion           There is great support on this web site, we visit it often

...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Hi, just wanted to apologise for being an arse and snapping at you !! Please don't take what I said personally.

You are right in saying that there is great support on this web site. I believe that this particular web site will eventually bring about the demise of the GRC because it is one place where the Miss Wooty's of the world  (realise that she is not GRC )CAN feel safe and lurk in the background until they feel SECURE enough to offer up a comment.

It is a place where people can keep in touch with what is happening in the various Assemblys because even though we may not admit it to all and sundry, these places were such a big part of our lives that sometimes it is good to hear how various people are faring.

I was in Melbourne today and an ex-GRC friend (not from the Mother church) wanted to know how so and so was going. I knew that there had been a thread about them lately so we went to a Library and looked up the site !!!!

THIS SITE IS EMPOWERING!!!!!!

Cheers,

Glad