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Paul it sounds like you and I need to buy some dirt bikes, you can drop your daughter off at my place and we go have some fun at Kinglake, then have coffee like we did once with your road bikes, remember getting stuck up that really steep hill in that deep rut. Those were the fun times. And there are still more to have,  life if what you make of it.

Paul,

We ALL struggle at times, especially when it comes to determining what to do with our lives and how to make a difference - you're not alone there buddy!

I think you answered your own questions though - you said that you enjoy the times you are 1) in church and 2) get involved with the Alternative Technology Association or dream of an alternative lifestyle.

If these are the things you enjoy, do you need to consider pursuing them more seriously? I believe that every single person has been given gifts or talents to be used to further God's kingdom here on earth and to help others. For some, it may be the gift of teaching, for others counselling, for others the ability to be involved in a particular business or other specific activities. I'll take it a step further and say that I believe that until we actually FIND what it is we've been created for (God's plan and purpose for us), we'll probably feel as though we're 'looking for something' but not know what it is.

I'm only just now (in my 50s) discovering more about myself and my purpose in life and I fully intend to press on with my search until I fulfill what God has purposed for me in this life. I just want to live for Him and do what He wants me to do and that is my prayer each and every day.

It is quite normal to feel as you do, we all go through such feelings but may I suggest (in love)that you seek God first for answers rather than rush out and do what you 'think' or 'feel' is right for you. You said that you want to pursue working in a needs ministry - do YOU feel God is calling you to this? You also said that your clergy are advising that it is a good thing - do THEY feel that God is calling you for this purpose? I'm not saying that He's NOT, just that you need to follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

As a start why don't you tell us a little more about alternative technology - e.g. I'm fascinated that you should have such a keen interest in it.

Kindest regards, Urch

Hi again Paul

I've looked up some notes I took from a talk I heard around 5 months ago by Paul Scanlon, a visiting pastor from UK.

He talked about finding our God-given 'shape' & he reminded us that WE are not the potter, God is, and we are the clay. He also said, you have to find out what your 'shape' is, not what someone else thinks it is - and as you do, your contribution to the planet unfolds. Our 'shape' is not negotiable - God has already preordained and predestined your life. Only you can discover your 'shape', no-one else can tell you what it is. Your shape is inside you (how God made you as a person) not outside, it is how you are 'wired'. Your inner pupose is about WHO you are - your outer purpose is WHAT you are doing and it is secondary to finding WHO you are. In the western world we put our value on 'doing' not on 'being'. Find out WHO you are and how God wired you to find out your shape. Endeavour to discover it and move into it and God will still use you while you are finding your 'shape'.

Also another talk by Helen Monk from a women's conference I attended recently.  She spoke about the will of God in our lives. Where the will of God is for your life, grace overflows in that area of your life.  We all have 'grace gifts' Romans 12:6-8. We're all passionate about something and this is usually our 'gifting'. Peter was a self-appointed speaker, Timothy was a server & loved tasks and Paul gave him more instruction than anyone else. John talked of love, his gift was mercy - he was mercy-motivated. When we see a grace gift in our lives, use it and develop it in our lives. We  usually have one motivational gift - do all things in life using this gift. Be who you are in your gift, it makes you sensitive in that area. It is a grace upon your life so flow in it. Work with what you've got, what's right in front of you that you can use to bring glory to Jesus. (e.g. sometimes just a few kind words can 'unlock' other people)
Don't worry about failing, worry about what you'll tell God when you didn't even try! Examine what we've got that we can use, to bring the message of hope to a lost generation. Wherever the grace of God flows, it will bring life and grace to all. She then went on to talk about courage and having inner strength to make changes etc
 
Sorry if this all sounds a bit 'fluffy'!

Urch