Last night i recieved a call from my mother informing me that my grandfather (who in my lifetime was very much a father to me) was in intensive care following the explosion of his liver and could pass away at any moment.  I was not told initially as my grandmother did not want me to know so i couldn't make the trip to Adelaide in time to see him and thus remember him the way he was.

My mother has been in RCI since i was a young child and for years she has witnessed to my grandparents telling them that they will not enter the kingdom of god unless they repent, be baptised and speak in tongues.  Whilst speaking to my grandfather in his ill condition he uttered the words "am i worthy?".

My mother couldn't tell him he wasn't despite her beliefs which leads me to question how happy she is with them.  I don't know whether to believe it because it was hammered into me from what seems like day dot, or whether i just want to believe something else because it seems so unjustified and so unfair that because two people ate of the tree of knowledge however many years ago that my Papa who read the bible frequently, loved his wife of 53 years and his family, worked hard all his life etc. should have his three score and ten and fade away as though he never existed at all.

I'm not biased in my analysis of his character, he was the kind of person i'd aspire to be and no doubt fail.  He set the bar high and yet for years i have read similar stories such as this one and quite cold and condescendingly, with such calass disregard considered anyone irrespective of how 'good' they are/were to fall short of salvation because they had not been spirit filled.

Death where is thy sting? The trembling words of a dying man spelling out the fate of us all compell me to reconsider exactly what could possibly remove deaths sting short of a total lack of appreciation for life.  It appears as though my faith is much smaller than a grain of mustard seed.