Hi folks, just dropped in, haven't posted here in yonks

It seems that RCI/RF is particularly damaging to people who are prone to mental illness, I've never heard the story of the person that pulled his eyes out but I knew some people in the RCI that weren't all there and religion just make them worse - more prone to extremes.

In the years I was in RCI I NEVER witnessed a single healing. Nobody got healed. Plenty of stories, but no one ever threw away their crutches. Recovering from the flu after two weeks of prayer is not a miraculous healing.

As for placebos, I read the story of a person who had an inoperable brain tumour and using the power of his mind healed himself of it through self belief. He visualised the tumor shrinking every day, every time he passed water he visualised he was peeing some of the tumor out. Basically he healed himself. If you think of biting hard on a sour lemon, your mind will sometimes induce the actual taste. If you are stressed, your mind will burn a hole in your stomach with an ulcer. With positive thinking and faith you can heal yourself.

I personally found christianity too hard to understand, one moment god so loved the world he sent his only begotten son, flip back a few pages and he sent a bear to rip some kids to pieces for laughing at a priests bald spot.  

I used to talk to people on the street saying how we can prove our religion is valid because people come to our meetings and get healed of DEPRESSION and DRINKING and get a PURPOSE. I mean that just proves RCI/RF is right doesn't it? Oh yes and don't forget... if you are still not convinced by these unassailable proves, then someone talking like a baby will prove it all beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Can I say, I really enjoy this room and the company. I have forgotten what it feels like not to believe in God. Part of me actually wants to suspend my belief and faith and just have wild worldly fun, lol.  I have lost a lot of faith, but mostly in people. God's great, but as far as supernatural omnipresent entities go... He really annoys me. Still... I like His book... sometimes.

I call myself a christian and go to church but I never pray. I can speak in tongues but am sick of doing it. I call myself a believer but have no desire to preach the bible to those around me. I like the bible, but I never read it.  Part of me feels guilty for not feeling like I should be trying to convert my co-workers. Save yourself, I have some ethics but am a cleptomaniac... I steal stuff if I can get away with it without guilt (office stationary, mp3s, and rich people's stuff). You may call me a hypocrite... but am just having a good fess up. I am a grumpy husband. I have never hugged my parents... I never want to, even though they are nice people.

Don't judge christianiy by me because I KNOW I'm not typical. My favourite colour is yellow and I love Star Wars. I was like this before I joined the Revival churches.

Asks the calf to the cow, "Mother, why do we follow this path that winds, twists and meanders so?".  Answers the cow, "Why do you ask?"

Mmmm, deep.

H&B

Thanks for the very honest post.  I am always attracted to posts that open up like that.  I would like to respond to you if I could...

Can I say, I really enjoy this room and the company. I have forgotten what it feels like not to believe in God. Part of me actually wants to suspend my belief and faith and just have wild worldly fun, lol.

Hmmm...  I would like to know what you define as 'worldly fun'?  Do you mean Revival definitions or what?  Perhaps you need to ditch some of that lingo and decide for yourself what is bad for you and what is simply escapism and distraction from the daily grind. 

It's good to let it off my chest to strangers, hope you don't mind. I am not a people person... don't really like 'em... unless they agree with me or praise my work, which they do. I also appreciate harsh criticism... any publicity is good for me.  I like the good looking ones. I think blonde, brunette and redheaded women are brilliant... plus all the other flavours. I don't like men and don't like being one but will keep this body until a proper replacement becomes available. I don't care if people don't like me... I have enought friends to try and understand. ummm... that'll do for now. (stares at screen for 3 minutes). I think I have mental problems but can't afford the therapy. I am good looking but need to lose some kilos. I love Star Wars  and hate tony Squires. I think sex is terrific and thankfully so does my wife.

Fair amount of self-depracation (sp?) there.  Are you aware of that?  I wonder if you picked that up in the RF or if they only capitalised on what was already there?  My mother is a controlling woman and the RCI capitalised on that (see not everything is the RCI's fault) in my life.

I call myself a christian and go to church but I never pray.

Me too except I don't go to church either.

I can speak in tongues but am sick of doing it.

Well, I can still do what the RCI/RF (and even AOG) called 'speaking in tongues'.  But I actually think it is a psychological phenomena.  There is a lot of good stuff to read about that when you're ready.  Mind you, I didn't come to this point until at least 10 years AFTER leacing the RCI.  And some people I know think they have a legitimate gift.  Its entirely subjective and who am I to argue subjectivity?  Whatever it is, I can do but don't.  It makes me feel uncomfortable...too much pain and history I think.

I call myself a believer but have no desire to preach the bible to those around me.

LOL!!!  Don't worry.  There are enough fanatics around to pick up your slack.  Let's face it, we are all special in God's eyes but not that important.  He can get by just fine without us.  There is a depth to what I am saying.  Do you really think God needs you?  Are you so amazingly important to him or are you just an egomaniac?  This is the elistist thing the RCI drummed into us.  That if we don't do what God wants then HE will fail.  LOL

I like the bible, but I never read it.  

Ditto.  I cant seem to get past all the baggage I carried.  I just feel so condemned when I read it.  All I hear is this harsh authoritarianism.  I have lots of non-cultist Christian friends who don't see the Bible that way at all.  It encourages them and they strive to be better ppl not feel weighed down by guilt. I envy them.

Part of me feels guilty for not feeling like I should be trying to convert my co-workers and snakechick. Ha ha. Save yourself, I'm on holiday. Bite me.

Again, where does this guilt come from?  Do you really think God expects that from you in light of all your recent dramas and stuff?  I think you deserve a rest my friend.  And if God is not graceful and loving with you then he isn't God.

I have high morals and ethics but am a cleptomaniac... I steal stuff if I can get away with it without guilt (office stationary, mp3s, and rich people's stuff).

Rich people's stuff?  LOL!!!  LIke what?

You may call me a hypocrite... but am just having a good fess up. ON the flipside; I help anyone who asks for it, anytime of the day or night. I drop everything (usually to feed my ego as I play the hero, nah that's not really fair, I love helping people actually) I love my kids, but am a lazy parent. I love my wife but I am a grumpy husband. I have never hugged my parents... I never want to, even though they are nice people.

More self-depracation (sp?)!!!!   Selah...

I smoke marijuana 2 weeks ago (medicinal experimentation)... You may think I am smoking now because I am reading what I just read and am laughing to myself... chuckling like a madman. Don't judge christianiy by me because I KNOW I'm not typical. I struggle with internet porn. I wonder if I am normal after all. I really doubt anyone is reading this far into the message so let me say this... I am lonely and unhappy because I don't like hanging out with christians and I can't stand hanging out with worldly people (i.e. alcohol and swearing). I've spent way too much time here when I've got other things to do. My favourite colour is yellow. I was like this before I joined the REvival churches.

Yeah, u have to rediscover who you were b4 the cult and then pick up from there.  Thats what I did.  It was challenging but very rewarding in the end. 

And dont beat urself up for the porn thing.  You think you're alone?  You know, for what its worth, once I gave myself full permission to surf porn I found that it bored me and I am more into chicks in bikins now.  LOL!!!  Seriously, its all about taboos and guilt.  I made it ok and am now not so driven to look at it.  I am not saying this the plan for all people (especially sex addicts...has anyone else seen the movie about Bob Crane of Hogans Heroes?) but it worked for me and I rarely visit tittie sites.  But if I do, no big deal.  Just tits.  I didnt make that decision in an attempt to stop.  I just stopped beating myself (LOL!!!) up over it and it just kinda faded out of my life.  Just my philosophy but it worked for me.  Now beer, thats an addiction I have...

Ok, thats my 2 cents...I hope I was as honest as you man.  Ta.

HJS

I do want a rest. I want a bloody rest. Part of me doesn't want the whispers to go around the local RF..."did you here he's not going to any church anymore... see I told you he lost the plot." In my new church I have been asked to pastor a housegroup. But I think it's time to admit... I don't really want to! I don't have to.  Right you are H, God will survive without me. I'm sick of alilenating possible new friends by labellling them worldly. Oh yes, and tongues, I am trying not to admit this 'amazing power of mine' in not very unique or amazing but rather a very repetitive string of syllables that seems to bore me stupid. We used to have prayer meetings on various nights that were just 60 minutes of group tongue praying. ROFLPMSL...lol - oh boy! When I think about the good television time I wasted.

Worldly entertainment - Strip clubs and lapdancing while drinking Jim Beam, smoking pot; swearing, listening to heavy metal rock and roll while reading Harry Potter. Haha...

Revival Entertainment - Pot Luck dinner nights; sitting in make shift hall 'restaurants' with your arms folded listening to musical items... then clapping heartily at the ones who really sing like shite (one day I'll say shit) but no one is realistic enough to tell them....

Its funny how God seems to be more believable when one's health is poor.  Anyone else noticed that? I dunno, i've been pretty sick for the last 25 months from an unidentifiable condition that really really really sux. Satan seems to be getting more believable. God... I hope he's bigger and better than my doubt.

Self-depracating - yes, I did pick up on that tone in my 'fessing. It's funny, most people who know me describe me as an eccentric extroverted quirky individual.

Well you know what they say...we only know ourselves by how we reflect off others.  Although we are all the centre of our own world, we can't often see ourselves.  That is not to say that inward reflection is a waste of time.  Its brilliant.  But the RF/RCI taught us to doubt ourselves and to rely on them to tell us what to believe.  Making a conscious effort to sort out your own beliefs and trust ing yourself in doing that is a major step in post-cult recovery.

I do want a rest. I want a bloody rest. Part of me doesn't want the whispers to go around the local RevFel "did you here he's not going to any church anymore... see I told you he lost the plot."

Its amazing how much of a hold they still have over us after we leave no?  You are out of the cult but the cult isn't out of you.  No, that's not entirely true.  I am sure you have shed a lot of the cult stuff.  But still, if you feel that way about how they think about you, perhaps you should look into ways of overcoming that.  Look around for some good self-help books that address these issues or even (gasp!) get some counselling.

In my new church I have been asked to pastor a housegroup. But I think it's time to admit... I don't really want to! I don't have to.

More than that, I reckon you shouldn't for your own sake and for the sake of those you would be leading.  Man, its not a slur on you to say you're not at all ready.  I am sure you are a competent, bright person, but take some time off and take care of you.  Once you are truly healed then you will make a better leader.

This site is influencing me. Right you are H, God will survive without me. I'm sick of alilenating possible new friends by labellling them worldly.

Yeah, i have found that non-religious people are often better people.  Having religion doesn't necessarily make you a better person and not having it doesn't make you worse.  The Bible doesn't command us to avoid people in the world.  In fact Paul tells us to be at peace with all men where possible.  Alienating yourself from people may make you feel more righteous but it doesn't actually do you, them or God any good.  It is entriely self-righteousness...the very thing Jesus commanded us to be wary of.

Oh yes, and tongues, I am trying not to admit this 'amazing power of mine' in not very unique or amazing but rather a very repetitive string of syllables that seems to bore me stupid. We used to have prayer meetings on various nights that were just 60 minutes of group tongue praying. ROFLPMSL...lol - oh boy! When I think about the good television time I wasted.

Yep.  It's a hard thing, especially after having made tongues the defining point of so much of our lives.  Take it slowly.  I know lots of ex-Revialists who still believe in speaking in tongues.  It doesn't matter whether you come to the conclusion that tongues are legitimate or not.  What matters is that YOU come to whatever conclusion you do.  What matters is that you are honest with yourself internally.  Most Christians believe that tongues is a non-essential issue anyway, so according to 95% of the church, it doesn't matter what you believe about tongues.  So don't get burdened by it.  Indecision about tongues is also just fine don't you think?  Like I said, it took me 10 years to some to the point where i realised my tongues experience was flawed.

Worldly entertainment - Strip clubs and lapdancing while drinking Jim Beam, smoking pot; swearing, listening to heavy metal rock and roll while reading Harry Potter.

Man, I know you're joking but I don't recall reading the words 'worldly entertainment' in the Bible.  There you go again with that Revival Centre lingo.

Revival Entertainment - Pot Luck dinner nights; sitting in make shift hall 'restaurants' with your arms folded listening to musical items... then clapping heartily at the ones who really sing like shite (one day I'll say shit) but no one is realistic enough to tell them....

LOL!!!  Entertainment?  More like torture.

hojusaram, I hope you're surviving the flu. Congrats on the bub to be. Is this your first bun in the oven? Made in China... make sure you keep the reciept! I have two kids. Boy and a girl; they are so beautiful. I got home from school today to find my little 6 year old boy had fallen off his bike and was grazed, cut, had a swollen lip and was quivering in pain. The first thing he told me through his sobs, with much difficulty, was that he made it through another level of his Garfield typing program previously to his bike ride. So brave. So beautiful. So innocent. I would die for this boy in a second if I had to. Kids are great, they give us the will to live and to share. God bless ya baby, hope you both enjoy the ride.

Thanks man.  I am really looking forward to meeting my child.  And I am over the flu. 

Ciao
HJS

Oh more me??? How surprising! NOT.

Embarrassing --- yes!

Mental note... don't take more than one sleeping tablet at one time!