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Aimoo Team
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(Date Posted:07/05/2007 18:19:32)
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dogmafree
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2#
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Rank:Poster Venti II
Score:8300
Posts:355
Registered:21/02/2006
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(Date Posted:07/05/2007 19:32:37)
Hi MD,
If I can presume to say what I think Brolga meant.....
You seem to have a few insecurities about your personal situation and standing with God. By choosing your username and avatar 'mad donkey' you seem to be kind of 'owning' an identity that has negative connotations. This may tend to keep you 'stuck' in this mindset. By suggesting that you adopt a more uplifting ID that implies your destiny is positive, you will find your outlook and experience changes accordingly.
Welcome to the forum anyway! I'm sure you'll find great encouragment here. 
Dog.
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"for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Shakespeare (Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2)
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Aimoo Team
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(Date Posted:08/05/2007 18:17:42)
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Aimoo Team
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(Date Posted:08/05/2007 18:39:31)
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dogmafree
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5#
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Rank:Poster Venti II
Score:8300
Posts:355
Registered:21/02/2006
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(Date Posted:08/05/2007 20:48:04)
Wow! Hey I'm sorry M/D! I don't think any of us take mental illness lightly, and there are many here that care. Many of us have suffered from depression and/or a range of other illnesses. We don't pretend to know your difficulties, but please bear with us as we get to know you?
What Brolga and I were trying to suggest was opening your involvement here with an air of HOPE. I believe there is hope for things to get much better for you. You seem to be so hard on yourself, and we'd like for you to be unburdened. All the fear of hell and such is just a dark cloud that you've got your head in, and you don't have to carry that about with you. The greatest hell you'll ever experience is what you've already suffered in this life, so please consider the possibility that there is abundant life available to you. Hope you find what you are looking for here.
BTW, Shrek is an excellent story (1&2) and the Donkey a great character. He always seemed to be 'up' and was very endearing albeit annoying at times. What is it about donkey that you associate with?
Dogmafree.
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"for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Shakespeare (Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2)
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Sea Urchin
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6#
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Rank:Poster Venti III
Score:9010
Posts:431
Registered:15/02/2007
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(Date Posted:09/05/2007 06:38:35)
Reply to : Mad Donkey
why am I afraid to tell my story? Because I cannot get out of my head that I am going to hell, but is this because I am ill or because its true? I was ill before I joined but has 'falling away' made me worse, am I being punished? So many things to tell you, so much to get out, but I'm scared. I don't know what I'm scared of, but I am. I just need confidence to start telling you it all I guess.Please be gentle with me, I can't cope with forum trolls who attack me.
Welcome to 'forum land' Donkey,
You will find, as I have, that people won't judge you or condemn you on this forum, so it is a safe place to share your story with others. Sometimes, just talking and sharing your experiences can 'get them off your chest' so to speak. Take it slow and easy and give yourself time to adjust to life outside of a controlling organisation.
You are definitely NOT being punished for leaving an assembly (that is not doing what it's meant to do) They do NOT; uplift and encourage people, love and care for people, shepherd their flock, comfort and protect you - as well as numerous other things that a church should do. So please don't feel that you are being punished for leaving.
As you continue on your journey you will gain confidence and courage. I pray for this for you and if I can encourage you in any way I certainly will. You are a worthy person and nothing you can do will ever stop God from loving you - whether you still believe in Him or not, He will always love you and be there for you. He is our loving Father who will never leave us no matter what we do or say. Thank you for having the courage to post on the forum - that alone shows how courageous you are so I KNOW that you will be OK!!
Go with God, Donkey
Love Sea Urchin
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Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the ocean depths.
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Aimoo Team
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(Date Posted:10/05/2007 17:23:28)
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Aimoo Team
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(Date Posted:11/05/2007 16:08:31)
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earth5
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9#
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Rank:Poster Venti III
Score:11700
Posts:513
Registered:07/01/2007
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(Date Posted:12/05/2007 05:06:02)
Reply to : Mad Donkey
OK, lets communicate better shall we?Sorry if I was a bit touchy about what was posted, but I really am 'in hell' at the moment. I guess I really need to hear that I'm not going to hell for all eternity, but I can't get it out of my mixed up head. I don't know what to believe anymore. I want to believe in God, but I'm scared to. I think he probably hates me for the things I have done. I'm totally brainwashed by it all aren't I?I'll try again next week, but this week hasn't been a good one and I ended up in hospital on tuesday night. I'll catch up with you soon and hopefully find the courage to explain why I feel so bad about things.
Hi Mad Donkey, Welcome to the forum and well done for taking a step in posting, can be a bit scary to start. I pray that all has gone/going well with you over this past week.
As Sea Urchin said this is a place where you can say things and in general get a lot of support, and no because you have left a church dosnt mean you are heading for hell, I think that this is the start of a woderful jouney for you and we are here for you as and when you need us.
God Bless
earth5
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earth5
I would rather live my life as if there is a God, and die to find out there isn"t, than live my life as if there isn"t, and find out there is"
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Torrack
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10#
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Rank:Newbie
Score:570
Posts:24
Registered:18/12/2005
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(Date Posted:13/05/2007 01:03:18)
Hi there Mad Donkey,
I left the GRC Vancouver cult about 1.5 years ago, and it's been a journey to say the least. The last few years I have been wondering about a lot of things, and my beliefs have changed drastically. One of the very first things to change about my belief system is that I no longer believe in hell as the bible prescribes. I do not see how it is possible with the personality of God described as "Love" for him to damn a person forever, to burn for all eternity, simply for not believing in him in the way that he wants to believe. I could see, maybe, a quick punishment, or chastisment to get you on the right track, but eternal burning? No way. What happens when the person is sorry, completely repentant? The bible seems to say that they will burn anyway, but that hardly seems to resemble a loving, forgiving god, does it? God supposedly created all things, and that includes hell. I personally believe that you will not burn in Hell, Mad Donkey. But don't take my word for it. In fact, don't take anybody's word for it. You have to come to your own conclusions on the matter, do your own research.
If I may make a suggestion however, since you have already had so many years of teaching that Hell is eternal, or even exists, I would suggest that you begin studying the other side of the arguement. If you can see a problem from more than one angle, you will have a better chance of seeing the entire picture. There are many pages on the internet devoted to whether or not Hell exists, even from a biblical stand point. Check them out, and don't be satisfied just taking some guy's word for it.
Here's a humorous video that I like. Check it out: http://www.filecabi.net/video/atheist-delusion.html
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http://www.filecabi.net/video/atheist-delusion.html
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Aimoo Team
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(Date Posted:13/05/2007 04:44:08)
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Aimoo Team
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(Date Posted:14/05/2007 18:42:38)
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dogmafree
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13#
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Rank:Poster Venti II
Score:8300
Posts:355
Registered:21/02/2006
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(Date Posted:15/05/2007 03:52:21)
Hi Donkey,
That is terribly sad. Nobody has the right to stand over us that way and bully us into submission to their will. This kind oppression is very damaging and is an indication of just how wrong the whole regime is. From what I read from you, you see that now.
It is fair for you to look at all that they have taught you, and regard it all with a great deal of suspicion, (including that 'hell' nonsense)! The good thing is that the circumstances you described all worked to ultimately free you from that regime. As emotionally tumultuous as it all was, it led you to liberation, so you can look forward now. I know that may be easy for me to say, and the 'hangover' from their influences may be with you for a while.
But can you taste the exhiliration of a new start that is now available to you? New opportunities to develop as an independant person without being bullied and badgered into being someone else's person. New possibilities to choose your own path in life. The possibility of finding a partner that is 'real' (instead of a CAI automaton) that respects and loves you just for being you.
I say try to wipe the slate of your mind clean, learn to love yourself just for being the wonderful individual you are. Be kind and forgiving of yourself. Allow yourself to dream. Go out into the 'playground' of life and enjoy. Smell the roses, and see that life can be beautiful!
Dogmafree.
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"for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Shakespeare (Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2)
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MothandRust
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14#
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Rank:Ghost in the machine
Score:34610
Posts:1585
Registered:27/02/2004
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(Date Posted:16/05/2007 15:52:25)
Reply to : dogmafree
I think one of my main concerns is that I am aware some assembly members read the forum and then go and use the information they read to re affirm to each other that 'falling away' just makes you a bad bitter person.
Hi MD, yep... that's why we came up with the idea of the private room here for people who don't want their laundry aired out for everyone to see. I'm glad it came in handy.
This idea that God is such a loathsome creature that he would send people to an eternity of neverending torture is certainly a sad and horrible mistreatment of scriptures. It ain't necessarily so. Consider the following if you're up for some thought provocation:
http://www.what-the-hell-is-hell.com/
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Be nice, for everyone that you meet is fighting a harder battle - Anita Roddick
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Glad-to be out
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15#
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Rank:Poster Grande I
Score:12570
Posts:576
Registered:07/04/2006
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(Date Posted:16/05/2007 15:54:58)
Reply to : Mad Donkey  Hi Mad Donkey !!!! You know , most of us who left the GRC as "walkouts" seem to have suffered more than people who were "put out ". I think it is because our minds were so messed up that we couldn't cope any more. I know that I ended up very depressed and needed anti-depressants for years. I am not at all embarrassed to say that I couldn't have coped without them!!
There are also many people who have left or are still in the GRC who have mental health issues and, to try to live life according to Noel is Hell on earth for these poor souls.
You aren't being punished, you are just finding your way in the "real world". Even though the GRC assemblies are awful, they do provide a support group of a kind and when you leave it takes time to readjust.
You should now be able to find good qualified help for your particular illness and also the medications necessary to get you back on track.
Don't think that you have to tell us "all", just use the forum to the extent that you feel comfortable with. We work as another type of support group.
We all know how you feel and we can only encourage you by saying that we all thought we were going against the Lord when we first left, but as time passes and we become more educated as to the ways Cults like the GRC operate, we also become more enlightened and realise that true Christianity has absolutely nothing to do with the GRC and Noel Hollins.
Try not to stress too much, life will get better, you will get better and all your fears will gradually be dealt with as you re-educate yourself to live in this world and this present time.
Good luck !!!
Cheers,
Glad
I was a member of one of the england GRC assemblies for some years. I want to tell my story, I want to get it all out. Mything is I have mental health problems, and had them unknowingly before I joined GRC, but they have got worse over the years. Being 'saved' really added to my problems and messed my mind up. So why am I afraid to tell my story? Because I cannot get out of my head that I am going to hell, but is this because I am ill or because its true? I was ill before I joined but has 'falling away' made me worse, am I being punished? So many things to tell you, so much to get out, but I'm scared. I don't know what I'm scared of, but I am. I just need confidence to start telling you it all I guess.Please be gentle with me, I can't cope with forum trolls who attack me.
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Expect the best, but prepare for the worst.
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dogmafree
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16#
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Rank:Poster Venti II
Score:8300
Posts:355
Registered:21/02/2006
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(Date Posted:16/05/2007 16:19:29)
Just realised that I referred to the CAI in this thread. Forgot that this is a GRC specific thread, so please read any refs to CAI as GRC.
Cheers!
Dog
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"for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Shakespeare (Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2)
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Glad-to be out
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17#
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Rank:Poster Grande I
Score:12570
Posts:576
Registered:07/04/2006
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(Date Posted:17/05/2007 02:57:31)
Reply to : dogmafree  All these groups, CAI, GRC etc are interchangable with advice of how to cope when you leave and stories of spiritual abuse while you are in them because they are all based on a lie and run by nutters.
Life outside the Cults, eh? You wouldn't be dead for quids!!!!!
Cheers,
Glad
Just realised that I referred to the CAI in this thread. Forgot that this is a GRC specific thread, so please read any refs to CAI as GRC.Cheers!Dog
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Expect the best, but prepare for the worst.
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dogmafree
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18#
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Rank:Poster Venti II
Score:8300
Posts:355
Registered:21/02/2006
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(Date Posted:17/05/2007 03:16:28)
Yeah, fully realise that Glad. Just correct myself as a courtesy to Donkey who may not have known what I was on about.
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"for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Shakespeare (Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2)
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bindi
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19#
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Rank:Regular Poster
Score:3270
Posts:144
Registered:10/09/2006
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(Date Posted:17/05/2007 15:23:10)
Reply to : Mad Donkey
Thanks for your comments folks. I'm going to share some stuff but it may be a bit all over the place!I think one of my main concerns is that I am aware some assembly members read the forum and then go and use the information they read to re affirm to each other that 'falling away' just makes you a bad bitter person. I know of one pastors help who posted on here defending what had been written as he was outraged that the forum was talking against 'the church'. They say that the forum members are being used by satan to speak against the church, and this forum is just a way to persecute them. If anything the forum feeds their egos into thinking that they are brave soldiers fighting a holy war against those who reject the church. From the things that I have heard there are alot of assembly members who do like the ego trip of being called 'saints', 'pure', 'ri
Hiya Donkey! I'd also like to personally welcome you aboard!
You are amongst friends here who are only too willing to help put your mind at rest. The emotions you are going through are normal. You must realize that. Its been terrifying for most of us here to walk away from the life we knew! Scary stuff! But to just reinforce what others have told you here... things will get better in time. The more you learn outside of the church, the more at peace you will become. I think also you realize now that many of us have either had mental illness or have known someone with it. Thankfully, more and more people are indeed educating themselves about it. There is not the stigma attached to it as in the past. So, don't feel worried that you might be 'judged' or shunned in anyway whatsoever. I myself suffered with terrible depression whilst I was in the RF for years. It was due to my circumstances at the time. I needed medication to get me through the day and medication to get me to sleep at night. So, mental illness is nothing new to me. I must add though that since leaving the situation I was in and getting out of the church, I have not needed any meds for years. I sincerely hope that we can all help you through your journey of recovery of cult abuse and that you will grow stronger and stronger mentally as time goes by. You may very well of suffered with this illness prior to joining the GRC but I'm sure that BEING there only made it worse! So, it can only get better from here eh?
Take care....
Bindi
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" IF I COULD WISH FOR MY LIFE TO BE PERFECT, IT WOULD BE TEMPTING BUT I WOULD HAVE TO DECLINE, FOR LIFE WOULD NO LONGER TEACH ME ANYTHING."
Allyson Jones
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Aimoo Team
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(Date Posted:21/05/2007 15:43:04)
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bindi
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21#
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Rank:Regular Poster
Score:3270
Posts:144
Registered:10/09/2006
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(Date Posted:21/05/2007 15:58:42)
Reply to : Mad Donkey
Some of you have said that things get better when you leave the 'church'. But I have been out of it for a few years now and my mental health has got worse, and I had a breakdown last year. I am now diagnosed with a serious mental illness. So now can you see why I feel that I'm being punished? I left the 'church' once before and went back into it, so I have 'fallen away' twice. Maybe thats why I am being punished so much?
Hi MD... Ive sent you a PM..
You are NOT being punished. You have a condition that ANYONE can have. Be they inside or outside of a church.
Regards... Bindi
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" IF I COULD WISH FOR MY LIFE TO BE PERFECT, IT WOULD BE TEMPTING BUT I WOULD HAVE TO DECLINE, FOR LIFE WOULD NO LONGER TEACH ME ANYTHING."
Allyson Jones
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dogmafree
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22#
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Rank:Poster Venti II
Score:8300
Posts:355
Registered:21/02/2006
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(Date Posted:22/05/2007 20:32:38)
Hi Donkey,
When we have been within a cult like the GRC, RF whatever, and remove ourselves after many years, it isn't easy for us at all. Most of us have had tremendous difficulties, as the whole thing is incredibly traumatic. There can be all sorts of guilt trips thrown at us, loneliness as we are separated from our loved ones and social network, and great confusion. But despite all these things, we have found that after we get our feet on the outside, things DO ultimately become much easier, and slowly we heal from much of the damage caused by those hideous regimes.
Clearly, you are having a lot of ongoing difficulty. You really seem to need to find support and help from professional services. Have you looked for such help? Please try to cast off all that guilt and condemnation like pushing off a big heavy overcoat, and feel the lightness of being a free soul. It may not be easy but you can do it. Wishing you every good thing, peace and happiness!
Dogmafree.
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"for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Shakespeare (Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2)
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Aimoo Team
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(Date Posted:24/05/2007 17:06:40)
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Aimoo Team
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(Date Posted:24/05/2007 17:59:44)
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earth5
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25#
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Rank:Poster Venti III
Score:11700
Posts:513
Registered:07/01/2007
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(Date Posted:25/05/2007 07:11:04)
Reply to : Mad Donkey
Some of you have said that things get better when you leave the 'church'. But I have been out of it for a few years now and my mental health has got worse, and I had a breakdown last year. I am now diagnosed with a serious mental illness. So now can you see why I feel that I'm being punished? I left the 'church' once before and went back into it, so I have 'fallen away' twice. Maybe thats why I am being punished so much?
Hi Mad Donkey, you are not being punished my friend, what isd going on in your life can be helped via medical and psycological means, please be encouraged that you are not at fault, and your are not being punished
earth5
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earth5
I would rather live my life as if there is a God, and die to find out there isn"t, than live my life as if there isn"t, and find out there is"
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Sea Urchin
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26#
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Rank:Poster Venti III
Score:9010
Posts:431
Registered:15/02/2007
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(Date Posted:28/05/2007 15:04:52)
Reply to : Mad Donkey
Hi Donkey,
I agree with everyone else - you are definitely NOT being punished for leaving a cult. It would have to be the single most beneficial thing that you could have done to help yourself. Please don't even consider going back - it would be the worst thing you could do. As with any mental illness, you have to seek medical help - and then leave it in God's hands. He loves you and wants you to be well so trust in Him and He will see you through. We all love you too and I am praying earnestly for you Donkey. You may not realise this, but you have an incredible strength and courage and I have total confidence in you and I know that things will come good for you. If there is anything practical (and I mean this sincerely) that I can do for you, please let me know - my email address is at the top.
Love from Urchin x x
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Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the ocean depths.
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Aimoo Team
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(Date Posted:31/05/2007 16:47:44)
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earth5
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28#
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Rank:Poster Venti III
Score:11700
Posts:513
Registered:07/01/2007
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(Date Posted:01/06/2007 02:49:47)
Reply to : Mad Donkey
I'm sorry I haven't replied on this thread or to my PM's for a while. I had something happen to me that made me hit a low. For the first time in 3 years I prayed to God to help me. I opened up my bible and read Psalm 69 which was very applicable to my situation. Iwantedto believe that God was listening. Iwantedto believe that he had shown the Psalm to comfort me. But a small part of me still kept thinking that he wasn't interested in me anymore because I've let him down.Do you believe that tongues is really a sign of receiving the holy spirit or is it something we make up?And for those of you interested, my illness is 'Borderline Personality Disorder'http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bpd.cfm
Thanks for your reply Mad Donkey, yes I believe that God is showing you things from scripture, and yes he is interested in you as he is in me and othere's .
Tongues a sign of the holy spirit, I believe that it is part of the experience of the holy spirit, some on here will say no not at all otheres will go yes absolutely, this will open a can of worms on this forum, which could lead to more confusion fro you. soorry if that is a bit vauge for you
earth 5
hang in there my friend you are in my prayers and God really does love you as you are worthy
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earth5
I would rather live my life as if there is a God, and die to find out there isn"t, than live my life as if there isn"t, and find out there is"
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dogmafree
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29#
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Rank:Poster Venti II
Score:8300
Posts:355
Registered:21/02/2006
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(Date Posted:01/06/2007 06:58:21)
Hi there Donkey,
Just had a read of the info about BPD. Sounds really quite a difficult condition to cope with.
Contrary to what others here may feel/say, I believe that being immersed in religious stuff is not what you need in your life. It all just keeps the cycles of self-condemnation alive in your psyche. Forget all the rhetoric over tongues and biblical explanations of things. Much of it is irrelevent, and not helpful. If you truly find comfort in those things-fine, but if it creates more questionings and confusion, unload yourself of it all.
You need to surround yourself with people that have compassion and understanding for your situation. People who can be with you without judging or holding up some measure for you to be compared to. You need professional help, councelling, and gentle people who can support and care for you with lovingkindness.
You need to avoid the things that can exaserbate your condition. Because the GRC had so much hold over you with their ways, the bible and religious stuff may have the affect of bringing it all back through association. Avoid people or circumstances that bring you stress. Learn to trust your instincts about who or what are good for you and those that bring you distress. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the space, forgiveness and love that you deserve. Anchor yourself with these things.
Wishing you peace and love.
Dogmafree.
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"for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Shakespeare (Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2)
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Aimoo Team
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(Date Posted:04/06/2007 16:25:56)
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Aimoo Team
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Reply To brolga
(Date Posted:21/02/2008 01:40:18)
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Aimoo Team
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RE:England GRC assemblies, I want to tell my story
(Date Posted:21/02/2008 07:49:32)
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